Have you ever left everything behind?

It’s probably a whole lot harder if you have a lot to leave behind.

This week, school started up and at our district’s convocation we got a special guest speaker. You might be familiar with H&R Block, the tax prep company. It’s based in Kansas City and has 22 million customers, so they’re doing all right. It was founded by two brothers, Henry and Richard Bloch. I guess they thought ‘Block’ was catchier than ‘Bloch.’

One of the sons, Thomas Bloch came to talk to the teachers of our district. What on earth does the heir to a tax service company have to do with education?

Actually, he already inherited the company. He started as a tax preparer out of college, and worked his way up the ladder. Eventually, he was CEO of the company. I’m sure he had a very nice office to go with the million dollar bankroll he was taking home. I imagine home for him was a ten-story yacht with a bowling alley, called the S.S. I’m on a Boat. Hey, I don’t know how CEOs live.

Anyway, about the place in his life where a guy couldn’t hire any more people to kiss his butt, Tom decided his life was empty. He decided that a million dollar bankroll wasn’t all he was born to accomplish.

So he decided to teach junior high algebra to inner-city underachievers.

Really? Teach? Algebra? Inner-city? Doesn’t make sense. In his own words, he went from a place loaded with cash and respect to a place that afforded absolutely none of either. Now you may know that the Kansas City school district is notoriously bad. So a rich white guy who actually expected effort and success from his students was still a sideshow. He was actually laughed at by parents when he told them their children were failing. They laughed in the face of the former CEO of a multi-billion dollar corporation. He was of no consequence to them.

He realized that he spent only half his time teaching algebra to his algebra students. The rest of the time was spent teaching character, citizenship or morality. That’s off the record, because every politically correct person knows a teacher’s job is to teach academics, not character…right?

Then he decided he needed to take it one step further. He was friends with Barnett Helzberg of the jewelry store chain, also based in Kansas City. Barnett had sold his company and was looking for a new challenge, and presumably a large gaping money-pit to wildly throw his cash into, never to be seen again.

So they opened a school. They felt the name University Academy was pretentious enough to work, so they went with that.

The first couple of years were a disaster as students came in, realized the standards were abnormally high for the inner-city, and moved on. Eventually the school was moved, expanded to include all the grades, and students started sticking around and graduating.

Tom admitted that his sacrifice was easy financially. There are plenty of people who struggle far more to make the change he did. He had made his money. Even with all the money he’s poured down the drain on a school, his family’s lifestyle hasn’t suffered. But still, I have to wonder how many days he thought to himself, while getting disrespected to his face by children and their parents, “I don’t have to be doing this.”

I think that’s what ministry is all about. At some point, probably most ministers think, “I don’t have to be doing this.” Then they realize that, yes, they do. Because it’s a calling.

I don’t know if Tom is a Christian, but he could be. And he made a decision that makes a great story. Have you ever known anyone like that, who ‘threw it all away’ to do something great? Maybe you’re that person that people talk about. What’s your story?

Oh, and you’re probably wondering who won our big giveaway! Well, you’ll have to come back at 3 pm central time to find out! The suspense is killing me!

This blog post is in no way political.

Except there’s a new Gallup poll. Apparently, a bunch of people in this country identify themselves as ‘conservative.’ In fact, so many label themselves in this way, that they outnumber the ‘liberals’ in every state.

Hmmmm…

Some people will ask, “Where were these guys in the last election?” Some people will ask if the study is even valid, since each person has a different definition of “conservative” and “liberal.” Maybe they should’ve studied the percentage of people who have been called “liberals” by Mark Levin. The number would be approximately 100%. If you have never heard talk show host, Mark Levin yell at you, you’d think you’re on a different planet.

My question is when did this happen? Since when do conservatives outnumber liberals?

The study goes on to report that the number of conservatives is highest since 2004.

Which tells me one thing. A bunch of people have no flipping clue what they are at all. Most Americans take politics seriously and personally, believing they’ve found their political opinions on moral principles. That, and our hard-working Dads raised us to be good conservatives/liberals, and would’ve tanned our hides if he’d found out his kid was running around with those dat-gum lee-bertarians…whatever those are. Many of us live our lives on one side of the political fence, from birth to death, and can’t imagine what it must be like to be on the other side, much less imagine actually switching sides. It’d be like switching religions!

Then there’s another group of people, the group of people who are now conservative, who seem to base what they believe not on principles or logic, but on whether or not the President is giving them the goodies they want or not. I really hope the flip-floppers are just pot-smoking hippie college kids who don’t vote anyway, and would really rather just be ‘anarchists.’*

*Anarchy is the most amateur, tired, and cliche of angst-filled teen and college kid beliefs. Yeah, they like the idea of utopia, until they realize that no utopia would include In-A-Tub, and they’re all too lazy to make utopia work anyway.

So, during the Bush years a bunch of people say, “Agh! I don’t like George W. Bush! Everything’s his fault, so I’m a liberal! Keep your laws off my body! Grrrrrr!”

And now that Obama’s President, a bunch of the same people are saying, “Well, I don’t like Barak Obama at all! I’m a conservative! Sign me up, NRA! Yeeearrghh!”

It kind of reminds me of September 12, when everyone was saying, “Terrorists! Those are bad! And I’m an American! And a Christian! Where’s the nearest church; I need to pray for America! God bless America! Play that song on the radio again! Give me that bumper sticker! We will never forget! Jeeeesus! Bleeeeargh!”

And three weeks later, all those people who believed they were Christians/Patriots felt better about themselves and the world and forgot their little God hobby.

Ah, but they shouldn’t feel bad. That’s what people have been doing all along. If the Bible wasn’t full of stories of people treating God like a little hobby…well, we’d have no Bible!

If you’re a flip-flopping hobby Christian, I highly encourage you to make your hobby a full-time occupation. With macrame or scrapbooking, you can just do it once in a while. With Jesus, it’s got to be full time to be worth it. I know, I’ve tried…all of them.

I’m curious if we’ve got any political flip-floppers out there, even though I just gave you a hard time. There are plenty of good reasons to switch sides…like realizing you were a stupid uninformed college kid! I’d rather you don’t tell us what you are, because then I’d know which of you I’d have to start loathing with the intensity of a thousand suns, despite the fact that I love you as a brother or sister in Christ. But how long have you been what you are? From birth, or since college? Do you feel strongly attached to your political leanings? Have you ever flipped sides? How hard was it to tell your parents?

Me? Life long political leanings, evaluated in college (along with faith beliefs) and strongly attached. I will die the way I was born…perfect.

Hey, don’t forget to place your entry in the giveaway on Monday’s post! You have until Thursday night to get five chances at food, books, or a T-shirt!

Want to win some cool, free stuff?

Well that’s just what you can do today! Today is the first official Church of No People Contest-For-People-Who-Like-Free-Stuff! I should get a job naming contests.

What can you win?

1. I like recommending books no one has read. So two people will get the best book you’ve never read. I’m giving away two copies of A Genuine Faith: Following Jesus in the 21st century. This book takes each of the four gospels and sums up what following Jesus looks like to all four authors. It was written by Rodney Reeves, a brilliant and godly man who I had the pleasure of learning from in college. Seriously, this guy’s eyes well up when he starts talking about Jesus. And he’s for real. You will enjoy this book.

2. If you’re not the ‘reading’ type, surely you’re the ‘eating’ type. One person will get a gift card for thirty bucks at Chick-Fil-A, everyone’s favorite Christian chicken sandwich! That’s enough for a family of four, or a couple to go on TWO romantic dates, or one guy with no friends to just totally gorge himself, and wonder why he has no friends.

3. And one lucky person will get a one-of-a-kind Church of No People T-Shirt! Seriously, if you win this, you and I will be the only ones to have this. I’m not making these available to everyone for a while. I’ll even up the ante: I couldn’t think of a sweet ‘ironic slogan’ for the shirt, so if you win, I’ll print whatever you want it to say! It could say “Talk churchy to me,” or, “Only awesome people allowed,” or whatever you want. It will truly be one-of-a-kind!

How do I enter?

Easy. Just comment on this post, or email me at thechurchofnopeople@gmail.com. You now have one chance to win one prize!

Bonus Points: There are a few ways to gain more than one chance at a prize:

1. If you’ve got a blog, or a Facebook profile, tell your followers about this giveaway and provide a link. Make sure I know you did that so you get credit.

2. If you’re on Twitter, tweet this message:

@MattTCoNP is having a free giveaway contest! Free food, shirts, or books could be yours! http://bit.ly/y7pNP

3. Last, you get a bonus entry for coming up with any T-shirt slogan for this blog. Doesn’t even have to be good. Just give it a try.

So, one could wind up with five chances to win any of the prizes! How awesome is that?

Why am I doing this?

1. Because I am very kind and benevolent, and I gaze with compassion upon my blog readers.

2. Because my blog readers are awesome, so this is to thank you for loyally reading and commenting.

3. Because this is, admittedly, the blog version of “pack a pew” Sunday. Just like any church that has a shameless self-promotion Sunday, the only reason people do it is for the great prizes to be had! So I’m not all that ashamed of my shamelessness. And I suspect you like free things enough to not really care either.

If I get positive response, you might be blessed with another giveaway! Now I just need to find more authors whose books need to be given away…

The contest winners will be announced Friday, August 21st!

Thanks to you, the ‘Ten People Who Will Kill Your Church’ were the most visited and talked about posts ever on this blog…which means something like 50 people read them! Woo! It was really great to see so many people share the gritty reality of church leadership and for all the struggling church members to see that you’re not alone.

There were lots of awesome comments. One of the best points was that all of us can help kill a church. Right you are! There are so many traps to fall into. Even by doing nothing, a complacent audience will let a problem fester until it tears the whole thing down.

Some asked me to do a follow up post, ‘People Who Won’t Kill Your Church.’ Sort of like a church ‘dream team.’

That was hard to think up because a dream team doesn’t exist.

Well, it does exist…as a dream. But most (99.99999%) of us will never land that dream team. That, and every church has different needs. My dream team won’t be your dream team.

Still, there are some people you really really need in every church.

Five People Who Won’t Kill Your Church
(And May Just Keep It Alive)

Plumbers: Everyone likes to talk leadership. We have books and conferences and classes and keynotes on the glories of leading. Here’s all you need to know about leaders: You don’t need lots of leaders. They aren’t on this list. Leaders are dangerous…because they know they’re leaders. You need plumbers, and lots of them. Why?

Because churches are full of crap.

That statement works on so many levels. There’s the crap that has to be done for a church to run, and there’s the crap that everyone brings with them to church, and both have to be taken care of. If you want real leaders, look for guys doing jobs around the church that no one wants to do. How about the guy who’s unclogging the toilet? (figuratively or literally) That’s your man, the guy who gets stuff done for others. If you want to be a leader, start fixing toilets.

There’s your leadership seminar. That’ll be $300.

Cheerleaders: Not the kind with pom-poms and short skirts…well, maybe. Pastors don’t need ‘yes men.’ They need people who can keep them accountable, gently. They need people who can tell them when an idea is really bad, nicely. And outside of that, they need to make the pastor, and everyone else feel really good about being at church. Occasional criticism is easier to swallow when there’s positive attitudes everywhere. J-E-S-U-S! C-H-R-I-S-T!! Goooo JESUS!

Cooks: I mean people who can ‘feed’ themselves, and others in a spiritual way. The excuse for leaving a church, “I’m just not being fed here,” is usually a cop-out, like a chick breaking up with a dude by saying, “It’s not you, it’s me,” or, “I love you, but I’m not in love with you.” Really? You’re not being fed? Is the pastor supposed to make airplane noises as he brings that baby spoon to your mouth? Let me ask who have you helped feed lately? When was the last time you tried to feed yourself? Some pastors are lousy preachers. But in many cases, I suspect that adults would just rather act like a bunch of diaper babies.

Bouncers: Did you notice how many people came into our church from the outside and did their damage? Now, I’m not talking about making people feel un-welcome at church. But, just like a show, you get the stamp on your hand and you act cool, or you’re going to get 86ed by a big bald guy. That doesn’t make people feel unwelcome, it makes everyone feel safe! Everyone needs to be aggressively protective of the church they steward, because clowns are everywhere. You don’t even have to shave your head…but it might help.

Pastors: These are your leaders, and the church works really well when no one else is trying to be the pastor. Pastors lead by example in ministry, by getting their hands dirty, even by unclogging toilets. He’s the master plumber, the lead cheerleader, the head chef, and the big bouncer. He’s not doing all the work, he’s just leading everyone else in their work, ministering to each other. If the pastor does this, and nothing else, he probably won’t kill his church.

Yeah, I didn’t include God or The Bible, or Ninjas because we all know they’re on the list.

Hey, I don’t know if your church needs a bass guitarist, or a powerpoint guy, or a minister of frosted hair, or anyone else. Not every church needs them, and no matter how awesome your church is, it will probably always want to add a new teammate. So the group you have will never be perfect or have all the skills you’d wish for.

But if everyone is playing one or more of those five roles, you’re doing all right. And if nothing else, you’ll probably prevent most church killers from doing much damage. If you’re lacking any of them, you’ll probably be really hurting.

What do you see as being your role in your church? Are you the big bald guy, or the one with the pom-poms, or something else I haven’t even thought of?

If you haven’t checked out Matthew Paul Turner‘s blog this week, you should, and not just because he shares my name. He’s been doing a great series on Christian sex ethics. I mean, he’s really tearing it up. His series reminded me of a topic I’d been planning to write about, and this seemed like a good time…

When my wife and I went to Arkansas recently, we visited the bath houses in the town of Hot Springs. Everything in that town is centered on the water.

But back when people thought spring water could really cure diseases? Wow, that was the town’s heyday. We visited one of the bathhouses that was preserved as a museum, and were struck by how much public nudity was involved at these places. Places actually advertised nude sunbathing among their attractions. It was a whole nude-a-rama. It seemed distinctly European, right there in the middle of the Bible belt! It’s not like that today. I think that’s funny that though there’s so much less “modesty” today, here’s an example of us taking a step back towards “modesty.”

In fact, while I imagine the average European spends half of his day letting it all hang out, in all his smarmy, hairy, gold necklacey glory, Americans can’t seem to decide what we think is “modest.”

Today, it’s pretty rare to find a “gang” shower at a gym, the way they were when I was a kid. Most places have stalls now. Not that I’m complaining about missing out on sweaty showers with a bunch of naked guys. No sir. At Boy Scout camp, they used to have them (not anymore), but most kids, having never been in one, didn’t know how to act. So we wore our swimsuits like a bunch of chumps. Then there was always one kid who’d wear his swimsuit the whole 10 days. Yikes.

I’m young enough to have grown up in the era of the tankini, but there was no taboo about ‘mixed bathing’ when I was a kid. But then again, we were Methodists, so there you go. But some of you might remember when swimming at the YMCA was nude, though not mixed. Weird. I think the reason was “streamlining.” Though it seems like even the ridiculous “Speedo” would make everything more streamlined than just being naked.

Feb 1, 2004: the date our nation lost it’s innocence, the day everyone was scarred for life…by the appearance of a breast on TV. Yes, it was a stupid stunt to begin with, and no one wanted to see that. But it didn’t scar us more than it set back the discussion of what is “modesty.” We can’t even decide if breastfeeding in public is appropriate. Which says to me, we equate body parts with sex [read: shame,] even when the context is non-sexual.

I’ve read more than one story of men or women arrested when a neighbor saw them naked while the offenders were in their own home. And while I don’t want to see my naked neighbors, it is their home, so that’s a tough one. Apparently, we really don’t like the human body. But we’re also having to enforce tighter dress codes at school to coerce our daughters to cover more than 51% of their bodies; while boys don’t even like to wear pants, except around their ankles.

Then, there’s tribal people who are almost completely naked. And by our wardrobe-malfunction mentality, with everything they have flip-flopping around, they must be having orgies all the time…but they aren’t. Just gets me wondering if it’s not the bodies we’re obsessed with, but the clothing and the ‘tease’ we create with revealing clothing. Either that, or it’s just too dang hot for sex in the jungle, even if everyone is just wearing gourds and coconuts.

And while American kids are vehemently shielded from all forms of nudity, they’ll still see naked adults, pretty much by the time they’re six years old. The adults are just in magazines. And that’s kids’ only context for nudity.

It’s a weird relationship we’ve got with our bodies. We’ve got movies with more nudity than ever, kids dressing like skanks, and other cultures acting like clothes are no big deal. Meanwhile, porn sales are sky high (which illustrates that we do indeed like nudity, just not our nudity,) as we become a culture of “never-nudes.” Maybe we should start wearing cut-off jeans under our clothes so we never have to be naked, since we can’t really decide if there is such a thing as appropriate, non-sexual nudity. Nudity is either: A) gross; B) funny; C) offensive; or D) sexual, and therefore “all of the above.”

I’m certainly not advocating we start going around naked like a bunch of tribals, or women whipping ‘em out whenever and wherever baby wants them. Because as totally awesome as that sounds on paper, reality would be a big disappointment.

“My eyes! The goggles do nothing!”

It would be weird to us, but I don’t think it would be sexual.

Here’s the questions:

Does nudity always = sex, or have we just made it that way?
Does the Bible prescribe what is modesty for all cultures? Is American modesty the most godly?
Do we sexualize bodies with our clothing more than if we were just plain naked?
Are Europeans gross, and should they cover up when Americans visit?

Considering most of you didn’t like the thought of heaven being a nudist colony, this should be interesting.