The Church of No People

Some of you Christians may be a dying breed.

I’ve predicted to myself that traditional denominations are on their way out.  A few days ago I was given some proof that I am indeed right, as is usually the case.  As of today, 6 to 12 million people attend house churches.  As a house church pastor, I find that really interesting and pretty cool.  On the other hand, just 1 percent of Americans call themselves Presbyterians, which makes their numbers around 3 1/2 million.  In short, the Presbyterian churches are having their butts handed to them.

With few exceptions, it seems like the long standing denominations continue to be on the outs, while new forms of church are way in, and it got me thinking about a few things.

This Isn’t a Defeat or a Victory.

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Anne Rice beat me to the punch.

First of all, I know that everyone is blogging about Anne Rice.  I promise that I will say something that has not been said by anyone else.  The committee who makes the rules of Christian blogging told us that we had to comment on this story.

Anne Rice is an author who’s sold about a hundred million vampire books, and up until recently, she was known as a Christian.  If you haven’t read what she posted concerning her faith, here it is:

“For those who care, and I understand if you don’t: Today I quit being a Christian. I’m out. I remain committed to Christ as always but not to being “Christian” or to being part of Christianity. It’s simply impossible for me to “belong” to this quarrelsome, hostile, disputatious, and deservedly infamous group. For ten years, I’ve tried. I’ve failed. I’m an outsider. My conscience will allow nothing else.

As I said below, I quit being a Christian. I’m out. In the name of Christ, I refuse to be anti-gay. I refuse to be anti-feminist. I refuse to be anti-artificial birth control. I refuse to be anti-Democrat. I refuse to be anti-secular humanism. I refuse to be anti-science. I refuse to be anti-life. In the name of Christ, I quit Christianity and being Christian. Amen.”

Like I said, Anne beat me to the punch, but I’ve got three reactions to Anne…

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Jesus really knew how to put butts in the seats. 

Ever since Jesus left, leaving behind essentially no instructions to his disciples about how they were to make disciples, people have been trying to recreate that one of a kind Jesus showtime magic that attracted people to him.  If Jesus wanted to stay in the tabloids, he knew how to do it, stirring up controversy with the right people, or just trashing a temple here and there.  If he was in a more positive mood, he’d just feed a few thousand people, or take a hike across a lake.

And because no one since Jesus has been able to pull off any of those crowd pleasers, preachers have been endlessly trying to recapture the same ability to get people to come to church, with varying results.  If a pastor isn’t a bonified healer, things can get kind of sideshowy, and fast.  I’ve seen a couple of these events.  I attended a church that held a “Blessing of the Animals” day.  People brought their pets and the pastor sprinkled them with not quite holy water (it was an Episcopal church.)  I was in a church when a motorcycle roared up the aisle onto the stage for some meaningless non sequitor. 

But it’s only the truly special people who come up with great spectacles to trick people into showing up. 

Let’s take a look back, shall we, on some of the church’s more memorable gimmicks.

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