Archives For Plus or Minus

I’ve been to plenty of funerals. I’ve even conducted a couple.1

We all eventually wind up at a funeral. Maybe it’s for a long-lived relative. Sometimes it’s a tragically unforeseen death.

We think that a funeral is a mandatory event on the way to the hereafter, if not for the deceased, then at least for the ones they leave behind.

But it turns out that, in reality, most of the people who have ever been born, never had a funeral. They were never mourned. Their pictures and obituaries were never in the paper.

Did you know that?

Because I did not, not until my wife and I started trying to get pregnant.

I’m guest writing at Confessions of a Funeral Director. Go read the whole post at Caleb Wilde’s site.

For a long time, my wife and I kept our secret.PlusOrMinus_Revisions1_June9

We kept it from friends. We kept it from family. It seemed like the only thing we could do.

Our friends had their babies and we would say, “Congratuations!” We would go home and say “We are happy for our friends.” People would ask if we were going to have kids, and we would stammer out some kind of answer about “timing.”

Months and years passed like that. If you have ever kept a secret, you know how it is too.

But I have to say that I am truly amazed, surprised even. Plus or Minus will be released in just a few short months. And when we first discussed writing a book about infertility, it felt like we were going to be exposing all of these dark, terrible secrets. The opposite has in fact been true.

In the process of being vulnerable, we have been given a great gift: redemption from our secrets.

Continue Reading…

Four years ago, Cheri and I started trying to have a baby.

A lot has happened in four years. And along the way, we discovered that, far from being alone, we were in great company. In fact, we did not ever need to go looking for support groups. We already knew many couples who were secretly struggling as well.

I am so happy to finally tell you about what I have been feverishly working on this summer. It is a project over a year in the making.

It’s my new book, my second collaboration with Moody Publishers.


What Is It?

Plus or Minus is honestly the last book I ever thought I would write! Who actually thinks they are going to write a book about infertility? But last year, I was visiting my team at Moody in Chicago, and practically as an afterthought mentioned a book about infertility on the way out the door. After that, it was months of working in fits and starts, while we were still actually struggling with infertility. (It is kind of challenging to pour your heart into a book when the events you are describing are still happening!)

What has been so exciting is that this is the first time I have been able to collaborate on a book, not just with my wife, but with other people as well. The book is part memoir – four memoirs, actually. We enlisted three other couples we knew and trusted to share their stories: stories of long years of infertility, loss, heartache, hope and triumph.

This is by far, the most personal thing I have ever written, both personal for myself and for our friends. I have spent many restless nights and shed many tears over the last few months.

Why Infertility?

This is not just an exercise in narcissism. I would not have believed it, but a ton of couples are touched by infertility, something like one in seven couples. The rest of us know at least one couple who is struggling, even if we don’t know that they are struggling.

So we’ve written this book with the aim to help both the couples who are hurting, and the people around them, their parents, friends, pastors, and everyone else who just doesn’t know what to say around that one couple who just can’t have kids.

When Can I Read It?

Right now, I am in the process of finishing the manuscript so it can go to the editor next month and we are aiming for an early 2015 release. It is the hope of all of our contributors that this book would help people, would bless couples and encourage them. We think everyone either needs the message of this book, or knows someone who does.

Of course, I’ll be telling you more about the book as that date draws near. For now, if you are in this boat, know that we are thinking about you.