Last Friday, we had a little ‘Q’ time, and now it’s time for some ‘A.’ I was amazed at so many of the questions. You all did great (and with your answers too!) Some of them really made me think. A bunch of you sent questions, making for a long entry today, though I tried to be brief. I considered breaking it up into two posts, as I can’t see how I can possibly be that interesting to you, but here they all are, in the order in which they were recieved.

Who posted the best question?

Joanna from Joanna Muses asks:
What song do you like to singalong to when no-one else is listening?
I like to sing hymns, but really obnoxiously. I used to set up the sanctuary for church on Saturdays and would just start ‘singing’ really loud and off-key while no one was there. I always got a laugh out of that. Because I knew the next day, I’d be trying to sing softly because I can’t really sing and not laugh at the showboats who were singing loudly and off-key in front of everyone. How holy does that make me?

Sherri from Matter of Fact and F.O.T.T.S.P. asks:
Do you think your cyber self is more popular than your personal (real-life) self?
Yes. I am an easy going and easy to get along with guy, at least I think so. But I just have a small circle of close friends. I just don’t have access to as many people in person as online.

I.H.S. from Managing the Unmanageable asks:
Do you ever have moments of thought where you say to yourself, ‘I can go to heaven without being a pastor’?
Great question. I am constantly burdened with my responsibilities, ambitions, failings, desires and duties, all of which seem to conflict often. But I haven’t seriously considered quitting yet; I’m not that jaded. I believe I would go to heaven even if I quit the ministry, but I don’t think God has released me to do so. If I did leave the ministry, I wouldn’t be the first or the last person to not live up to God’s direction in life.

Destiny of What? asks:
If you had to choose one dvd to watch for the rest of your life, what would you choose?
Destiny responded that she would choose ‘Pride and Prejudice.’ Unfortunately, if my wife and I were stuck on an island with just that movie, I might try to make a break for it and swim.

I love lots of movies – The Shawshank Redemption, About Schmidt, Moulin Rouge, American Beauty, Amelie, and my new favorite, Gran Torino. But if pressed for one today, I just might pick Stranger than Fiction. Just a funny story about a guy who I can really relate to. Plus, the incredible design in the movie was done by a Kansas City based studio called MK-12. I got to see these guys at a little expo, and they are my design heroes. I’m a nerd.

Tony C of Tony C Today asks:
Have you ever belted out the song ‘Natural Woman’ (Aretha style) with complete abandon?
Tony says this is a great way to make his wife smile. While I haven’t done this, my method is to get really serious and sentimental with my wife and see how much of a song I can recite before I get caught (no melody – like I’m just whispering sweet nothings to her)

Me: Cheri, I know I don’t say this enough, but thank you.
Thank you…for being a friend…
traveled down the road…and back again.
Your heart is true.
You’re a pal and a confidant.
And if you threw a party…

Cheri: Stop it! That’s ‘Golden Girls’ you tool!

Katdish from Hey Look, a Chicken and F.O.T.T.S.P. asks:
Are you picturing Tony C in drag, a-la-Aretha Franklin wearing that awful hat she wore at Obama’s swearing in ceremony?
Is that really your question? You get a once in a lifetime opportunity to ask me a personal question, and this is how you spend your chance? No, no I’m not; that isn’t how I spend my time. Katdish, ladies and gentlemen.

Kyle Burkholder from The Post-Karmic Stream asks:
What stickers/decals adorn the back of your car?
Anyone ever seen these sweet European ‘initials’ stickers on cars? They make them for all the countries. There’s a couple of neighborhoods here that have those. Brookside has ‘BKS.’ I actually live in a town called Liberty, so ours is ‘LIB.’ It feels like a pair of Chuck Taylors for my car, it’s just that cool.

I also have a faded seminary parking sticker, which is not nearly as cool.

The OC Josh from Joshing Around asks:
What do you think of the next generation?
You imply by your question that I am too old to be part of the ‘next generation.’

Well I am actually old enough that there are some people younger than me. It will be hard to tell until several years from now. I thought ‘my’ generation was special – anointed by God. But I saw plenty of my friends fall away through college.

That said, the larger generation today (which I think you and I both belong to) I think has some very special and exciting things which will soon become apparent: a great group of people concerned with living in the Kingdom of God today, and bringing it to people like the world hasn’t seen in a long time.

Also to keep in mind is the new generations of Christians that are being raised or converted in other countries…Ah, I’ll have to save that for another post!

Phil Hoover, Chicago from Something to Consider asks:
If you could go to any country outside of North America for a 7-day vacation, where would it be?
I’ve aspired for a while to take a tour of the ancient New Testament cities throughout Greece.

Z from GeeeeeZ! asks:
If you could design your PERFECT CHURCH place, what would it look like?
Depends on the church. If my church, Levi’s House, ever builds a building, I’d like to see it look like a house in Jesus’ day. Stone foundations, plaster walls, a courtyard surrounded by glass (to give the illusion of opening into the building) and tile awnings.

I’d also like to see a church in an arena carved out of a cave. Stone arches, wood beams, dim lighting. Like a catacombs, or the underground churches of Cappadocia, but less adorned.

Marni at Chronicles of Marnia and F.O.T.T.S.P. asks:
Matt, you are a man and therefore wired emotionally different than a woman. Tell me how, as a man, do you relate to Jesus since your emotional attributes aren’t likely geared toward the same things a woman would be?
First, I love interacting with God’s word. I love the inspired beauty of it. I love the poetic ways God has shown his justice, and his mercy. I love how carefully God guided men’s hearts in their writing.

Second, I see the love of God in the wife he has provided me. Unmerited love, that is.

Third, I feel like I relate to Jesus the way his disciples did. He’s a teacher, he’s Lord. I hope he’ll be telling me ‘well done, faithful servant’ one day. I can cry at times, but it’s not a sappy love song with me and Jesus.

Good question. Had to think about that one a while.

Beth at That’s No Me Anymore and F.O.T.T.S.P. asks:
What is your wife’s name and how did you meet her?
That is a true story of serendipity. Let me give you the short version:
I go away to Christian college. I meet Girl (not my wife) there, but we aren’t really friends.
I transfer to State College in Kansas City along with a guy from Christian College as roommates.
One day, I’m driving into a parking lot and catch the eye of Girl driving out.
Me and my roommate become friends with Girl.
Girl and Roommate finally get me to come to Cool Church with them on Sunday nights, even though I already have a church.
Girl introduces me to Cheri at Cool Church, who is part of her prayer group. She’s cute.
Cheri falls madly in love with me. We get married.
I’ll be performing Girl’s wedding in a couple of months.

Ryan B at Crazy Delicious and F.O.T.T.S.P. asks:
If you were a Disney character who would you be and why?
If you had asked my high school friends (who played this game), I was most like ‘Doug’ personality-wise. I know – not technically a ‘Disney’ character, but Disney did buy the rights to Doug, I think.

If I were to aspire to a character? Aladdin. That guy was boss.

Jo from The Jesus Joint asks:
Do certain praise songs remind you of certain times of your life?
Down in My Heart – Sunday School
Change My Heart O God – teenage years
The Lord’s Prayer (with awkwardly long interlude) – Christian College
Praise ‘Medleys’ formed songs which don’t go together – Seminary
Blessed Be Your Name – Cool Church, and present church

Ryan Tate from Tater House asks:
What single piece of encouragment, counsel, or advice has most improved your preaching, teaching, or sharing as a pastor/leader?
Of everything my seminary teachers said, I remember something my Greek and Hebrews exposition prof told us. He said he didn’t want us to remember anything he said. He just wanted us to remember God’s Word. It is ironic that this is one of the only things I do remember, but it makes me realize that people remembering my sermons is not important (that’s futile anyway), it’s changed lives that count.

Shark Bait from Shark Bait’s Reef asks:
Do you find it easier to be a pastor in the real world, or in the blog world?
No comparison. I truly think of you all as my second church. I am so thankful for each of you. I pray for you. I hope each day that I’ll get to interact with a few of you one more time. This blog is a fun way to express myself as if no one will read it, and I’m thrilled that anyone does.

But I’m not your primary pastor. I hope I can lend you some encouragement in your week, but your own pastor has so much more responsibility to and for you. He’s the one responsible to God for your soul, and that is an emotionally draining thing for pastors who take it seriously. I say this while occupying the least physically stressful church I’ve ever encountered.

Joshua Conti from Caffiene Rarely Works asks:
Why do zombie stocks like Washington Mutual still trade?
People who have waited until now to sell their worthless scraps of paper are doing so now so they can claim an official loss on their taxes. The people who are buying them are probably idiots. Or collectors of common stock of extinct companies.

Yes, I am a genius. Also, Google is awesome. Next.

Undying Love from Undying Love asks:
Why is your blog called what it is?
The idea was that I’m a pastor, so on Sundays I have to deliver a message. It will be from the Bible. It will be challenging, uplifting, encouraging, convicting, at least I hope so. But what if no one came to church? I could say whatever I felt like! This blog is that church where no one shows up, and even though I now have you to read it, I try not to think about whether you will like what I say or not. So it’s just me, talking to myself, and you’re listening in.

Just Becca from Taking the City by Surprise asks:
If the entire world was infected by the “virus” that causes zombies, and you had the only vial that could cure it and would only save five people including yourself…who would you save?
Let’s see, Chuck Norris, Milla Jovovich, Bruce Campbell and myself either have extensive zombie repelling experience, or similar qualifications. Jeff Goldblum would have to come along as some kind of scientist who could figure out how to blow everyone up or blast us into space or something.

Justin from Bound Staff Press asks:
If you could eat anywhere or anything what and where would you eat?
Kansas City is a great barbecue town. Sweet and spicy with lots of sauce is our regional style. Arthur Bryant’s is the best. That’s where Presidents eat when they’re in town. Brisket and burnt ends, yeah!

Nicole at Living Under the Influence (of Grace) and Blue Jean Hostess asks:
If you were in a rock band, what would be your role?
That is a tough one, since I am utterly un-musical (outside of Guitar Hero.) I guess keyboard. In our band picture, I’d be the guy looking thoughtfully away from the camera.

Gabrielle Eden from I’m Free Now asks:
How do you find the time to do all the writing on your blog, and how much time do you spend on the internet per day or per week?
I’m used to mental multi-tasking. While working, I alternately mentally prepare for sermons as well as plan out blog entries. So when I sit down to write, it doesn’t take me all that long. No telling how much time I spend online between work and play. Probably an hour or two on weekdays, more if it involves work, but a good deal of it is not as redeeming as blogging!

Helen at Random Musings and F.O.T.T.S.P. asks:
What is your favorite hymn or praise song?
All time favorite hymn: ‘And Can it Be’
Second place: ‘Praise to the Lord, the Almighty’

Jamie from Thoughts from a Late Bloomer asks:
If you could be a fruit, what kind would you be?
A banana. I couldn’t live with myself if I were any other fruit. Especially tomatoes…look at them, pretending to be vegetables. I refuse to call tomatoes ‘fruits.’

AmenMom from AmenMom asks:
What’s something unusual or unique about your childhood/youth?
I had a pretty ordinary childhood. Oldest of two boys. Mom’s a teacher, Dad’s a preacher. I was a smart kid and artistic, but not athletic. I did debate and competitive acting in high school. I competed against David Cook of American Idol fame more than once in those tournaments. I was in Boy Scouts for over 10 years. That’s pretty much me!

Uptown Hippie from Uptown Hippie asks:
What is your favorite breakfast food to make and/or eat?
French toast is awesome. Biscuits and gravy is also amazing, but probably my least favorite to make (if doing it from scratch.)

Jeremy Wong from My Name is Jeremy Wong asks:
What are some of your most useless skills that you think are cool and deserve an international following?
I am excellent at playing Super Mario Bros. 3. I won the championship video game tournament at Universal Studios Theme Park in 1989. It was a pretty big deal. They made a movie about it with Fred Savage. Seriously, it’s 10:30 pm, and I’m trying to think of my most useless skills which deserve fame. I am completely average, I assure you, despite the facade of talent I project.

If you made it this far, I salute you! Whose question was the best? Now, go visit a new blog!

Hey everyone. Last week, I was blown away by the response you gave to our celebration of irrelevance, and our list of irrelevant hymns.

Honestly, I was really blown away at how many of you knew of ‘Little Brown Church in the Vale.’

Now I love hymns; I grew up singing them. I also love new music. It pains me to see hymns pushed aside in favor of new music though, when they can peacefully coexist side by side, just like the senior ladies’ quilting club and the youth group at church…Match made in heaven.

But let’s be straight. Some hymns are starting to sound as if they’re about to fall out of their wheelchair right in the middle of the third chorus. The worship leader needs to whisper to the pastor that this hymn has gone to be with the Lord so he can pray and end the service.

But some things, like denim jackets or U2, keep coming back no matter how many times you think they’re dead. They come back into style for a new generation. There’s some hymns out there, even though they seem dead, are about to come back like Lazarus.

Yep, there are some great musicians who are bringing sexy back when it comes to rocking your Grandma’s hymn book, or at least bringing back the lost art of hymn writing. I’m talking, soulful, intense music, not hip hop worship tunes fit for a mix tape. Not every hymn has to be turn into an irrelevant, kitschy relic of the past, and unlike some fashions, chances are you’ll be glad these songs are back again. These guys are doing a sweet job of making all things old new again.

Three Bands Rescuing Hymns from Irrelevance

Robbie Seay Band

Robbie Seay does make these kind of lilting moaning sounds in the mic to fill the empty space in his songs, but man can the guy sing. I heard ‘Jesus Savior, Pilot Me’ and was blown away. What an incredible, original song! Then I look it up and find out it’s over 150 years old, and the original tune is nothing like it’s new incarnation. They effectively rescued this song from the obscurity of the antique hymn pawn shop. Then there’s the new stuff on top of that, namely ‘Beautiful Scandalous Night.’

Waterdeep

I’ve got to plug this band, not just because they are a Kansas City original, but they’re dat gum great musicians. They write plenty of non-hymnal worship music. I wouldn’t be surprised if your church has this band’s music in its rotation, even if you’ve never heard of them. Although they don’t really reinvent old hymns, they are prolific when it comes to hymn writing. We’re talking singing the blasted Psalms – it doesn’t get more old school than that! Back when Beethoven was composing his ‘sacred music,’ the old folks in the church said, ‘Bah! The only music God hears is the Psalms, you punk!’ So the Psalms predate the music we think of as ‘old fashioned!’

Jars of Clay

I had written this band off years ago. Seriously, they were the kind of band you’d sort of get teased for listening to in my youth group. Don’t know what it was, they just seemed kind of lame. Then they throw down with ‘Redemption Songs.’ If you think an antique like ‘Nothing but the Blood’ can’t be dusted off and made to shine, think again.

I in no way claim this to be an exhaustive list. If it were, and there were only three bands out there working to resurrect our hymns, I think it would be a losing battle. As anyone who knows me can attest, I am the world’s last authority on music. So let’s hear it. Who else is bringing back the hymn book in a fresh way? What hymns are you still attached to, even though no self-respecting ‘contemporary’ church would be caught dead singing them?

I wouldn’t be an honest guy if I couldn’t admit to you that I’ve had a few brushes with the law. You see, before I was saved, I was kind of a hellion. I was always up to no good. I even had to go to court once.

Traffic court, yes. But it was real court in front of a judge.

All right, all my experience with the fuzz has been traffic violations. Most of the time, the cops see me rolling in my Ford Escort, and my music’s so loud, and they hating, so they’re patrolling, trying to catch me riding dirty.

Which usually means I have a headlight out or a tag is expired.

I’ve been pulled over five times. Once for speeding. Twice for lights being out, once for expired tags (they were stolen), once for going the wrong way.

And in all of these times, I have never paid a ticket. That’s right, gotten out of it every time.

You might be wondering what my secret is. How do I fight the law, and win? They say women have a few…advantages in these situations, but Christians have just as many tricks up their sleeves. I’ve got a few techniques that I’m willing to share with you to get out of a ticket next time a cop’s getting up in your grill:

Slip Him a $20: I know what you’re thinking. Bribing a cop is illegal! First of all, you should know that in Mexico, it is expected. Second, I’m not talking about real money. Remember those sweet gospel tracts that look like $20 bills? Remember how much a waitress would appreciate you when she picked up what she thought was a $20 tip, and then it turned out to not be money at all, but a tract? Remember how hobos did not come chasing after you with sticks when you dropped this in their paper cups? Works with the cops too. Slip the bill to him. He may be suspicious at first and a little bit hesitant, but when he unfolds it and sees that you’re taking the chance to proselytize him, well, you just bought yourself a cop, my friend

Flash Your Church Membership Card: Just keep your church membership card in your wallet with your license and other cards and pull them all out at the same time. Then sort through them to find your license, being sure to pause for a moment on the church card and say, ‘Oh, that’s not it. Silly me! Ha ha ha…ha.’ Even better, hand the card to the cop instead of your license by mistake. What’s that? Your church doesn’t issue cards to members? Your card is expired? I can hook you up here too. I know this dude who lives with a guy who totally runs a fake church membership card press out of the trunk of his car. These cards are great for buying off cops and getting yourself into church Bingo nights. For $50, the world, and all the bingo you want, is yours, and everything that goes with it…whatever that is.

Have a Potluck Dinner Ready to Go: Let’s be honest. The common wisdom is that police like food. And Christians like food. I think at any given time, somewhere between 70-80% of Christians are on their way to a potluck dinner. And even if you aren’t, just be prepared, because you never know when a potluck dinner is going to break out, or when you’ll need to feed a hungry police officer who’s getting up in your business. Whenever you leave the house, have a bubbly, piping hot crock pot of delicious Christian fellowship hooked up to your cigarette lighter. After all, satan meant that cigarette lighter for evil, but God intended it for good.

The Jesus Fish: I don’t think I really need to say this, but having a Jesus fish, bumper stickers and crosses hanging from your rear view mirror always works. The cop might as well be Dracula. Just grab that cross from your mirror and wave it in front of him. ‘The power of Christ compels you!’

Of course, this is all pointless to say, because I know all of you ask yourselves every day, ‘How would Jesus drive?’

Anyone else have a knack for not paying tickets? Anyone here have a ‘ticket me’ sticker plastered to their foreheads that just attracts every cop on the road? What are your greatest stories of conquest in getting out of tickets?

Seriously? Pathetic.

I was just lucky I was with my wife and not my church’s worship leader who is one of my best friends. That guy is a giant crybaby, and I would not have been able to hold on with him bawling next to me. I’m pretty sure he would’ve wanted me to hold him in my arms until I could get him home to his wife. And his wife would not have appreciated me returning him in such a fragile state.

Now my worship leader/crybaby friend is a physical guy, athletic, tattoos. But he’s got this pesky problem of crying. A lot. Seriously, way more than me…

So it occurred to me the other day that perhaps I was not alone. Perhaps there may be a reason for this ridiculous blubbering which I am prone to from time to time. I wondered if Christian guys cry more than average guys. Or, to be more fair, are Christian guys more ‘emotionally open’ or ‘vulnerable’ as the family counselors say. I just picture some stone faced guy whose not a Christian, and then one day he has his ‘Jesus moment:’

Jesus and some dude are in Jesus’ office:

Jesus: It’s not your fault.

Guy: …I know.

Jesus: No you don’t. It’s not your fault.

Guy: Don’t mess with me, not you.

Jesus: It’s not your fault.

Matt Damon: I said don’t mess with me.

Jesus: It’s not your fault.

Guy: (turns into blubbering, slobbering mess, they hug) I’m so sorry Jesus!

Jesus: Now you are a Christian.

In that initial Jesus moment, the guy finds Jesus and against all he’s ever been taught, breaks down and cries. I think it probably happens a lot. Crying is basically the cornerstone to the last night at church camp. (Or in my experience, welcome week at a Christian college, which was basically church camp 10 years too late.) Is that guy who learned to cry first when he became a Chrsitan then more prone to emotional outbursts from then on? If a Christian guy does not ever cry, does that mean he hasn’t had a real ‘Jesus moment’ recently or ever? (Maybe I’m kidding on that one, unless you agree.)

What do you think? Are the Christian guys in your life a bunch of crybabies? Are they at least more emotionally vulnerable than the non-Christian guys you know? Guys, this is a safe place. It’s okay to admit that you cry too. Because I already know that you do. What do you think? Are you more emotionally open with your loved ones now as a Christian than before you became one.
And if no one here is willing to say that they cry, I’m going to look like a total idiot.

Forget giving silly coffee cups or magnets to your church visitors. This is the ipod generation. Wouldn’t it be sweet if your church could give away ipods – say after they get their ‘visitor card’ punched 10 times. Unfortunately, even the nano ipods are a hundred bucks. But now, your church can give away the hottest status symbol on the planet at a fraction of the cost.

I had plans for a post on Wednesday, but this is just a quickie that I didn’t want to wait on. Yesterday, Hucklebuck suggested the perfect church visitor door prize – an ipod that churches can afford to give away. From the people who bring you cheap knock-off Nintendo games at the mall’s temporary Christmas kiosks, I give you:

They come in boxes of a thousand. Who wants to go in on a box with me? Or maybe you’ve got another great prize we need to know about.

As 2009 approaches, many people around American churches are finding ways to improve their programs. Here are a few of the highlights:

The Preschool Sunday School Teacher, First Christian Church
Resolution: Reduce amount of glitter lost by child ingestion by 10%.

The VBS Coordinator, Hope Bible Church
Resolution: This year’s VBS will be the best ever, thanks to a moon jump, dinosaurs, a firetruck and loads of donated popsicles.

The VBS Volunteers, Hope Bible Church
Resolution: Find a way to be absent on the day the firetruck shows up.

The Worship Leader, Second Street Worship Center
Resolution: Be more emotional, awe-inspiring and sexy, if that’s possible.

The Youth Leader, Church of the Resurrection
Resolution: Remember that games where hormonal teenagers are touching each other or passing objects to one another with their faces is mildly suggestive and asking for trouble, especially at a lock-in.

The Senior High Boys, Church of the Resurrection
Resolution: Sneak away during next lock-in’s ‘new and less-suggestive’ games in order to make out with girls.

The Recently Dumped Young Man, Harvest Church
Resolution: Never ever bring up Joshua Harris with any girlfriend again.

The Young Lady Who Recently Kissed Dating Good-bye, Harvest Church
Resolution: Read The Shack. Realize I already have a boyfriend in Jesus and have no use for lesser men.

The Pastor, Redeemer Presbyterian Church
Resolution: Use the word ‘postmodern’ a lot more. Also, continue to try to figure out what it means.

The Pastor’s Wife, Grace Episcopal Church
Resolution: Stop bringing old serving spoons from home to potluck dinners, switching them with others’ fancier serving spoons.

The Greeter, New Life Family Center
Resolution: More bear hugs.

The Usher, First Assembly of God
Resolution: Stop swirling the contents of the offering plate during offertory prayer.

That Weird Kid Whose Sheep Costume Exposed His Bum at this Year’s Christmas Pagaent, Holy Trinity Catholic Church
Resolution: Don’t end up a sheep at next year’s pagaent, no matter what.

The President of the Ladies’ Bake Sale Committee, Crossroads Baptist Church
Resolution: Make people forget the Methodists even have a bake sale coming up a week after ours.

The Church Treasurer, First United Methodist Church
Resolution: Get the Baptists to bail us out.

*Very scientific study conducted by me.

From the sound of it, many of you have sworn off New Year’s resolutions? Are there any resolutions that should be made around your church?