Archives For family

Five Things to Not Say to Your Childless Friends

May 1, 2013 — 27 Comments

fetusI’ve made no secret about it…

We want kids.

I’ve written about it a few times, about the club we unexpectedly found ourselves in as more and more friends became “un-childless.”  My moods have ranged from anxious to depressed to hopeful to patient, but never angry or jealous of people with kids of their own.

Navigating toward parenthood is a stormy sea when nature just doesn’t want to take it’s course.  For many of you, this may one of those situations that it seems dang near impossible to come up with the right words to say to friends who are struggling, grieving or even a little bit secretly jealous of your kids.

While I probably can’t tell you the perfect words to say in any situation, I can definitely help steer you clear of a few common encouragements that actually discourage your childless friends.  Take my advice, especially for the sake of your friends who are more sensitive than I am.

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In family
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A Letter to My Future Children

April 10, 2013 — 7 Comments

Dear kids,

I know you can’t read this yet.  You’re not old enough.  In fact, you don’t exist yet.  The only place you have been conceived is in our minds and in God’s mind.  And really, God knows way more about you than we do.

So it’s going to be a while before you get this.

But I just want you to know that your mother and I are thinking about you.  We’ve been thinking about you for quite a while now.  We’ve been praying for you.  We don’t know when you’re going to show up.  It could be very soon.  It could be a long time from now.  It’s all in God’s good time.

We know that you’re going to be younger than most of our friends’ children.  We didn’t plan for that to happen.  We had planned on you showing up by now.  But don’t worry about that.  It’s gonna be fun when you get here.

Listen up, kiddos.  This is what I want to say to you, right now.

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In family, Parents
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Frauds and Faith Healers: Why Does God Need My Faith Anyway?

January 16, 2013 — 24 Comments

If you’ve been a follower of this blog for some time, you know that there is one thing my wife and I want to add to our resumes.

Team Matt and Cheri want to be parents.

At least, we want to be parents as much as anyone can want a little person to turn their lives upside-down.  We want it enough that we’ve 216723been pursuing parenthood for over eighteen months.  But it hasn’t been as easy as following the recipe we learned in junior high.

Through our ordeal, we’ve shared war stories with lots of other wannabe parents.  I’ve read countless blogs, and even a couple of books, and have heard plenty of well-meaning wishes from friends.

But one thing has troubled me.  I’ve found it in blogs everywhere, even in some books.  It’s been a subtle, even inadvertant theme of some well-wishing acquaintances.

The idea is that if I just have faith that God can do something, then He will make it happen.  If I simply believe that God can make us parents, then it will be so.  Some people believe God will make them rich.  Others believe God will make them parents, with just the right amount of faith.

That leaves me wondering.  If God can overcome the forces of hell, can’t He overcome my lack of faith?

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In doubt, faith, family, Parents
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Beyond Gender Roles

October 26, 2012 — 21 Comments

I’m extending Wednesday’s offer to today’s post.  I’ll be selecting a few random people who comment or tweet this post to win a copy of Rachel Held Evans’ “A Year of Biblical Womanhood.”

What makes a man?APA1478

What makes a woman?

Through month of October, we’ve heard from from great ladies, (and one fantastic dude) about what it means to be a man or a woman before God.

I’d like to chime in at this point to answer, or try to answer, what makes a real man or woman.

Because somewhere in the battle for family values and marriage, gender roles and equality equality, it’s easy to forget what was the original question.

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In family
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God Never Said That

October 15, 2012 — 22 Comments

Last week, we kicked off a series of guest blogs.pic-adam-and-eve-overdressed

We heard from Sonny Lemmons, a stay at home dad.

Then we heard from Addie Zierman, and her reflections on trying to find God’s calling at a Christian college.

And I think I see a theme emerging in my head.

See, we have these rules.  Sometimes we call them roles.  They are the checklists that we are supposed to fulfill, the constraints we are supposed to abide by in order to be fulfilled, happy, dare I say righteous Christian men and women.

But the more I study the prescribed roles we place on ourselves, the ones that say that a man is a failure if he stays home with his child, or that a woman would be disobeying the Bible if she answered the Holy Spirit’s calling to preach, the more I find myself asking one simple question:

Who told us that?

Answering that question may help us figure out who is really qualified to preach, or to raise children.

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In faith, family
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Worse Than An Unbeliever, a Guest Blog from Sonny Lemmons

October 10, 2012 — 34 Comments

Today, I’m starting something new – a series of guest posts centered around the subject of gender roles in the church and family.  I’m not headshotgoing it alone though.  I’ve asked some fantastic guests to help me out.  The series will conclude with a big book giveaway (well, the giveaway is big, not necessarily the book).  To kick things off, I’m featuring Sonny Lemmons.  At the birth of their child, Sonny committed “career suicide” by becoming a stay at home dad.  Worse, in the eyes of many in the church, he abandoned his God-given duty to go to work and earn a paycheck.  So, is Sonny a “man fail” for taking care of his kids?

There are many things I’ve received over the past three years from strangers once they discover I am a stay-at-home dad: high fives, smiles of approval, and the occasional cup of coffee or cookie – all freely given by people who see me interact with or hear me tell stories about my kid. But then there are some Christians, fellow believers, who condemn me sight unseen because of how my wife and I are raising our son.

They will know we are Christians by our love. …as long as our love lines up with one interpretation of the Bible, incomplete though this interpretation may be.

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In family, guests and interviews
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