Parents will do just about anything to make Christmas memorable for the kids.

Some parents search relentlessly for the gift that the kids will remember forever.

Others try to get the spiritual meaning of Christmas across to their kids…which can be difficult when the kids are hopped up on candy canes and the ecstasy of unbridled consumerism.

And some parents try to use Christmas to blackmail their children into good behavior.  Some parents trot out the old myth that Santa can always see you.  Others employ modern inventions like the “elf on the shelf,” who is basically Santa’s spy, a ruse crafted for savvy post-911, Patriot Act children.

If you want my advice on how your kids can have the most meaningful, memorable Christmas ever, it doesn’t take any extra trips to the mall or stories about Santa and elves.

Just tell your kids you don’t love them…

Still with me?  No?  Let me clarify.

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Kids fight…a lot.

That’s no secret.  Put two children together for five minutes and some stupid dispute is bound to break out.  The wee ones of the world may not be as pure of heart as we like to think.

Bryan Allain reminded me of this when he blogged a couple of days ago about the five dumbest arguments his kids have had.  I don’t have kids.  But I was one at one time.  And so was my brother.  And we argued…a lot.

It’s been ten years since my brother and I have been under the same roof.  Since then, we’ve both found women we’d rather argue with than each other.  But every time my wife and I have some “important” argument over something like potatoes or a lamp, it brings back some sweet, sweet memories of all the battles my brother and I fought.  Sure, we found lots of times to team up, but it was in the heat of epic battles that our relationship was forged.

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Yesterday, my wife and I had a date.

We like to schedule “us” time on a regular basis.  Every couple has to have time together when you’re not doing laundry.  I even had the date marked in my phone’s calendar.

I drove hurredly through traffic to be on time.  Our date appointment was set for 8 am.  Kind of early for romance, I know.  But even at that early hour, our date destination was already packed with couples…and a few ladies flying solo.  Most everyone was dressed up, the guys in shirts and ties, ladies in dresses or slacks.

This was our first 8 am date.  It was also our first date at a fertility clinic.  Hubba, hubba.

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All right, I’m ready to talk.  For reals.

After two posts and over 130 comments on the subject of baby-making, it seems some of you are curious about why I’m suddenly talking about this.  I started to get Facebook and email messages asking me what’s up.

Well, this is actually a topic I’ve been holding back for quite a while.  In fact, this marks the first time in three years that I’ve cleared something with my wife before writing about it.

See, my wife and I have been married five years.  And we don’t have kids.

And that was okay.

But I’ve learned a few things about myself over the last five years.

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So…a bunch of people have an opinion on me not having kids.

It’s not like it’s news.  But seventy comments after I revealed the three things I’ve learned about childlessness, I realized this is a pretty fertile (ha) topic.

The comments ranged from lots of guys cyber-slapping me on the back and telling me to wait until I’m ready to people who urged me to hurry up because kids are God’s blessing.  Kids are, to say the least, controversial.

This isn’t going to become a Daddy-blog, or a non-Daddy blog (if that makes any sense at all.)  But this is a topic I’ve been holding back for a long time, so I have some thoughts that are ready to pop on this one like an overdue pregnant woman, so expect a few more posts on the subject, including today.

As I think more about our decisions to have children, or remain without children, the more I realize just, in many ways, the decision is absurd and completely backwards.

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Here’s the thing: my wife and I have been married for five years…

…and we don’t have children.

What Joy I'm Missing Out On

We are very happily married.  I love her to no end.  We were two of the very first among our friends to get hitched.  But now, even though birth rates apparently continue to drop, we find ourselves in an ever-shrinking club of childless friends.  The vast majority of our friends now have their own poopy progeny.

The blog world is no different.  While there are some notable bloggers who remain childless, the vast majority of you are mommy-bloggers and daddy-bloggers.  And while I offer no judgement on you for using your offspring as blog fodder, no one really talks about what it is like to remain without wee ones in the house.

But I have discovered a few very important things about being married, without kids.

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