I’ve been taking a year-end break from the blog, but that doesn’t mean we have been taking it easy here in the Appling house.
We spent Christmas week expecting baby to finally arrive.
Two days after Christmas, Cheri started having contractions. All night it went, until we went to the hospital. It was a restful day with the epidural. But when it came time to push, things got rough. Sure, we still had some quiet classical music playing. And Cheri wasn’t even screaming. The loudest person in the room was the doctor. But things slowed to a stalemate with baby not moving.
And so we went to the operating room, the last place we wanted to be. But by now, we have learned that our plans just do not count for much.
I won’t be posting for the rest of the week with the holiday. But forty-eight hours into my son’s life, I’ve got a few thoughts…
Our Baby Is Not the Solution to Our Problem
You know we have worked and waited now for five years for this child. It’s easy to think of a baby as the end game, the solution to a problem. When we finally have a baby, then our lives and marriage will be complete.
No baby deserves the pressure of being the solution or answer to an adult’s problems. It’s just too much pressure. We have to accept our children for who they are, without gauging our own worth on them.
We Are Not In Control
We learned this a long time ago, but it bears repeating. People asked what our “birth plan” was…
“Go to the hospital…” we answered with a question mark at the end.
We just came to grips with the fact that it does no good to be a couple of bridezillas, over our spouses, or our children or anything else. If we believe there is a benevolent God who works in the world, then we have to likewise submit to the reality that things are not going to go our way all the time. We certainly didn’t plan on a C section. But it had to happen. In any other time in history, our son would have just not been born.
Our Infertility Journey Is Not Over
It’s not just that we would like more than one child. Our season of infertility has shaped us so much that we just cannot imagine our marriage without it. Nor can we imagine, now that we have a baby, saying to every struggling couple, “Good luck with all that.” It burns my ears every time a well-wisher tells us that our lives are now better or that we are more blessed. Our lives will now be different, and our lives will certainly be good. But I know that we were blessed without a child, and our friends who will remain childless will still be blessed and their lives will still be good.
I hope you have a fantastic New Year. See you next week.