This is not a fitness or health blog for a reason.
And that reason is I do not pay enough attention to my health to have anything to say about it.
But with summer vacation here, and some extra time on my hands (outside of the thousand tasks to do which must wait for summer), I have decided to embark on a quest for better health.
It’s going to be rough.
It’s going to be tough.
I’m three days in, and I want to quit already. I am bearing my efforts to you in the full knowledge that I may fail as early as this weekend.
So, what is it I’m doing…or hope to do, to get myself in tip top shape?
It’s What Goes Into a Man That Makes Him Unclean
I’ve always been a skinny guy. Chock it up to good metabolism. As a college student, I had two jobs, one of which was delivering phone books. I would come home every day and eat an entire pizza, or whatever I wanted. My doctor said I was underweight, and when I told him about my daily routine, he told me to keep it up.
But ten years later, things have slowed down, and I’ve become a little…spongy. I try to watch what I eat, but that means I just watch a lot of delicious food as it goes into my mouth. I usually scoff at diets as scams.
But when my similarly-built brother told me he had bought a Jack LeLane juicer and had attempted a juice fast, I was impressed.
I was less impressed when he told me he broke down after two days and ate some McDonald’s. But whatever, he’s doing P90X, so I guess he can afford it. He dropped ten pounds, despite his splurging. Let’s face it, blogging isn’t exactly aerobic exercise.
So I became motivated. Surely, I can drink juice longer than my no-self-control brother! So that’s what I’m doing. Just juice, and some solid fruits and vegetables. No meat. No bread. No fat. No dairy. No added sugar. I’m going to attempt to do this for eight days.
Sigh. Those are five things I love. And this comes at a really bad time because my wife just bought some cajun flavored cheese curds.
How to Feel Good…or At Least Look Good
I’ve never been a very athletic guy. Keeping an exercise routine has always been tough for me. I tend to get absorbed into projects and just kind of let myself go.
I hate running. Hate it. I can see why all the villains in horror movies never run after their victims, they just walk while the victim runs frantically. The villain always catches them anyway, and they aren’t all out of breath!
On Memorial Day, some friends and I did some biking. We biked almost ten miles. We felt good. Our lungs were full of fresh air. Our legs were wobbly. But then we had to bike back to our cars, another ten miles.
Let’s just say the last ten miles were not as fun.
But I decided that would be my kickstart into a new exercise routine. Biking or…sigh…running…six mornings a week. Let’s be honest, it’s going to be running / walking. Maybe I should get some running shorts. There are a lot of people up running every day, and I feel like they can tell I’m not very good at this if I don’t have the right clothes.
I Have a Dirty Mind
Lastly, I feel that if my intestines are holding all these toxins that the internet “experts” say it is, then surely my mind must need some cleaning too.
That means reading a few new books. I’m most of the way through Ian Morgan Cron’s Jesus, My Father, the CIA and Me. It’s a fantastic memoir. I’ll probably read Inside of the Dog when I’m done, if only because it will finally enable me to tell every dog lover that no, your dog doesn’t think he’s a person.
And I’ll probably do a retreat at a monastery. I did that a couple of years ago. I mostly slept. The life of a monk is very sleep-inducing. My wife is asking if I’m going to do that again. I think she needs to detox from me.
And when I come back, I’m going to have a burger from Five Guys. And maybe I’ll give you an update on how I’m doing.
Okay, let’s have it. Give me your best health tips, your routines (both successful and failed), and the diets, fads and tricks that wasted your time and left your more slovenly and unhealthy than ever.