See, everyone likes “homemade” things.
Home cooked dinners, cookies, cards, gifts, everyone likes those things. Eating out of a takeout box every night is unhealthy or depressing. And a handmade card conveys so much more feeling than Hallmark…
But then again, store bought stuff is pretty good too. No one likes watching home movies. And who wants a homemade bicycle or a homemade PlayStation? No thanks. Sometimes, pre-packaged, store bought things are okay.
So while my wife and I continue to wait for the stork to show up, there are plenty of people loading up with ready-made kids.
So I ask: should we just go shopping instead of doing things the old-fashioned way?
Adopting: Why Not?
Adoption seems to be one of those things that all the cool people are doing. I wonder if there’s really a huge wave of adoptions happening. A huge part of me just wants to go out and find a kid. After all, we could get pregnant and have a severely disabled child, (which that handy genetic testing would indicate) which scares me to death. On the other hand, we could adopt a child who also turns out to be seriously broken, physically, mentally or spiritually. As a prospective first time dad, I just don’t know how to handle that.
“As you work through whether or not adoption is for you, don’t ask yourself why you should adopt. Ask yourself why you shouldn’t.
I totally understand your fears regarding non-infant adoption. We have only adopted once, and she was eight months. It allows for an experience as close as possible to the parenting experience of biological parents. That being said, there is definitely a bigger need for parents of older children, exactly because most parents want babies. Each year that child gets older, the likelihood of he or she being adopted shrinks.”
The More the Merrier
I’ll be honest. Living just with my wife, I cannot imagine it filled with children. The noise, the cleaning…the thought petrifies me. But I never met any parent with lots of children who regretted it. I’ve heard plenty of them say they wish they had more. And plenty of them even decide to do some “temp” work as parents.
“We’ve got four kids, twelve years apart. None were planned, but all were embraced. My wife and I laugh at the small print on birth control commercials that say they are 99% effective. We are the 1%.
But we also decided to foster children, six of them. We took in kids for short term stuff too, i.e. parents in jail awaiting trial, or in rehab programs. Our last one was a three-year-old that was going to eventually be available for adoption. She was a cute kid, bright, but with the anxious damage that comes from being taken away from her mom. Her mother had lost three other children to adoption. She stayed with us for three months, and then one day, she went home, which is awesome. It fractured our family plans. She used sit on my lap, giving me kisses saying, “I love you Daddy J.” It wasn’t a negative, but it was heartbreaking.”
Not My Life
I guess what I just can’t imagine is just how busy parents are. I come home from work and I’m wiped out. In the Old Testament, children were considered a blessing…but having servants to take care of the kids was also a blessing I don’t have. I would love to hear how you parents do simple things like get everyone out the door in the mornings. No one ever said parenting was a part-time gig.
“Whatever your family plans are, just do what every big family does: take it one child at a time…unless you have twins.
Is there a grave reason that you should not be actively trying to have a children right now? If you have such a reason, and you are in clear conscience before God with that, than go with natural family planning. It definitely requires a lot of good communication skills…and uh, that’s actually a good thing in a marriage.
We decided to adopt because I began volunteering for a Christian ministry called Reece’s Rainbow, which advocates for Down’s Syndrome and special needs orphans in other countries.
Honestly, when we had our fourth, we realized in a concrete way that our lives were not our own. So we are busy all the time. We’re at that phase in our lives, and there are many joys that come with it too. In the end, parenting is a vocation.”
Time to talk to me. Help me figure this out. Should we be pursuing adoption? Foster care? Tell me your adoption stories, or just tell me how you manage with a big family (or a small family!) I really have no idea where to begin on pursuing adoption, since adopting a kid isn’t really at all like going to the store.