If you asked the average person, they could probably name no more than ten religions. But the fact is that there are thousands of religions all over the world.
And I’m not the judgmental type. I’m respectful of other cultures and beliefs that are different from my own…
…But there are some crazy, flat out stupid religions out there. Forget Scientology or Baha’i. They are just barely scratching the depths of crazy. And I know that I believe that a Jewish rabbi was born as the Son of God 2,000 years ago and rose from the dead after being executed on a cross, and that sounds kind of crazy on the surface, but these religions will make even Christian beliefs seem perfectly normal.
Are you ready? Let’s take a little tour of a few of the crazy religions you could be joining.
May the Force Be with You
Guess what, Star Wars geeks. Your geekery can now consume your entire existence. You knew this had to be out there, and here it is, the Temple of the Jedi Order. While the website clarifies that members will not learn to choke people with their mind, and they are all about peace and harmony, which is great, and they are not affiliated with George Lucas, and they are not role playing (something they have probably had to tell their moms about a hundred times), the simple fact remains that the first words on their website say “We are real Jedi!” This kind of cancels out any chance of being taken seriously, at all.
They have created a real religion from a series of movies from the 70s and that makes them idiots and my religion is better than theirs.
Who Doesn’t Love Pirates?
Probably the newest religion in the world was just recognized last month in Sweden. It is called Kopomism, and it is a religion whose central sacrament is digital piracy. The leader, a 19 year old, had to apply to the state three times to achieve official religious protection.
Look, turds, you can wax philosophical all day long about the “holy sacredness” of information and the importance of freely sharing information, but you’re just a bunch of tools who are playing pirated copies of video games because your moms don’t give you enough allowance to afford the retail copy. You’re the reason the half-wits in Congress annually introduce crappy legislation like SOPA.
Ha! I win, and so does Jesus.
Religion is Always Better with Aliens
The Aetherius Society was formed by Dr. George King. Being a “doctor” sounds prestigious, but his esteemed credentials also included: yoga instructor, supposed spiritual healer, and…wait for it…UFO contactee. I could elaborate on their practices of meditation, and their worship of Mother Earth, and their attempt to send “energy” back to Mother Earth as some kind of worthless offering, but the fact is anyone with any sense should know that they are in trouble when they follow a religion founded by a guy who claims to have talked to aliens.
Another religion vanquished. I am unstoppable.
A Whiter Messiah than Jesus
This last one is just sad in its absurdity. Since the 60s, the tribal people of Vanatu, a remote island off of Austraila’s coast, have regarded Prince Philip, the wrinkly old white guy who lives with the Queen of England, as basically their Jesus. Apparently, they had an old legend about a pasty-faced mountain spirit who traveled far away to marry a powerful lady, and would some day return. When the royal couple visited the island, Prince Philip fit the bill. While Jesus brought people healing and miracles, the Prince brought the tribesmen a signed photo of himself holding a gun. The Prince Philip Movement is still going strong.
But at least we don’t have their evangelists knocking on our doors, asking, “Do you have a personal relationship with Prince Philip?”
That’s going to do it for today. What’s the most obscure religion you’ve ever run into? In our politically correct, completely accepting culture, is it still okay to say that a religion is crazy? What if I make poking fun at religions my religion? Then you have to accept it!