Another Church Discipline Contract

January 30, 2012

Well, they’re at it again.

Friday, we discussed a particular, unnamed church that’s now getting attention for its zeal in disciplining one of its 10,000 members.

Of course, you know this can’t be an isolated incident.

I have, right here, another church discipline contract, sent to me on the condition that the sender remain anonymous.  Apparently, sending your church discipline contract to bloggers is grounds for more church discipline.  (If you need a refresher on the contract that’s received all the attention, it’s here.)

Check it out after the break, and then let’s play a little game…

You know, church discipline has really fallen from glory since its heyday with the Puritans and Quakers.  It wasn’t uncommon for people to be put in the stocks for skipping church and having their ears nailed to the stocks…you know, just in case they were thinking about getting their neck out of the stocks.  Of course, there was branding done of all the letters of the alphabet for various crimes.  And the whole community was basically a neighborhood watch for sexual deviancy.

So let’s play a little game.  Church discipline is a shell of its former self, and that’s a shame.  So let’s come up with some new punishments to dole out to people when they are caught skipping church, watching True Blood, or any other repulsive sin this depraved generation can think up.

16 responses to Another Church Discipline Contract

  1. Hi Matt,

    Church discipline?

    Sure. It’s biblical.

    Here’s the verse to go by:

    “They shall put you out of the synagogues: yea, the time cometh, that whosoever killeth you will think that he doeth God service. And these things will they do unto you, because they have not known the Father, nor me”.


  2. I don’t know how I feel about this. Maybe it’s a sore subject to me, but it’s not something I think is really appropriate to poke fun at.

    • Speaking as someone who came out from a very….err… Controlling? Abusive? ministry, I find this pretty funny in a healing sort of way. I think humor can help us say things that otherwise may go unsaid. Granted, somethings really are in poor taste to joke about… But I don’t think this is an untouchable subject. I presume you also have come out of a similar type of church or ministry, so I suppose it might be different ways of dealing with the aftermath. For me, jbeong able to laugh at it is one of the main ways I’ve been able to get through it and heal. Laughter is medicine to the soul, is it not. So, all that to say, I am sure Matt is not trying to be insensitive.

  3. This may be painfully obvious but this is fake. I just wanted to make that clear before everyone got up in arms all over again.

  4. Church disciple should be to forgive the sins of the repentant and not to forgive the sins of the unrepentant as long as they don’t repent. The real church discipline contract that was propagated deserves this mockery.

  5. On a more serious note, the church fails pretty well at relationship, and discipline is either a joke, or a life sentence. When will we become ministers of reconciliation and restoration?

    But for the unfaithful, I suggest Barney for 3 consecutive 24 hour periods, followed by Veggie Tales for 48, and then Clockwork Orange.

  6. It was a pretty obvious parody from the moment I read the word “Tool”, but next time, to make it even more obvious, you might want to change the name of the church at least a bit, like call it “Mars Bars Hill Church” or “Mars’ M&M Hill Church” or “Jupiter Hill Church.” And you forgot to make The Disciplined One (TDO) write out detailed sinful thoughts as part of the disciplinary actions, just for added humiliation ;-). Or maybe have TDO wear a “Cone of Shame” during The Disciplinary Period of Undetermined Length.

    In terms of discipline, I remember talking to our pastor after a congregational meeting to discuss a discipline issue. I asked my pastor how we should treat the disciplined one if we encountered them, since the wording involved treating them as a pagan. His response was, “How did Jesus treat the tax collectors and pagans?” Now THAT, to me is appropriate church discipline.

  7. For the cheapskate cheating on his tithes: He must have a copy of his financial statement stapled to his tie every Sunday.

    For the drunk: He must tie a series of cans and bottles to his back belt loop and drag them everywhere he goes Wedding car style.

    For the male with a sexual sin: He must where a target circling his package in expectation of periodic kicks to the groin by passers by.

    I could do this all day but…

    BTW Preachers don’t get off, I am finishing off a post tonight tentatively called The Sunday Lunch Sniper for the long winded speaker.

  8. As I mentioned in a comment on another blog, I couldn’t see this sort of discipline having much effect in a church of 10,000 members (if the offender was still attending)…I mean, how many of those people even really know the guy?

  9. I’m confused. Is this about trashing Driscolls church, or about how to handle perpetual sin? I could go either way…

    “Therefore, confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.”
    James 5:16

    “Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.”
    Galatians 6:1-2

    I don’t know if this is a true account or not, but it sounds like they were trying get to the root of a repeating (thus un-repentant) sin. To repent meant to turn from. Appears that this is a cycle that needs to be broken, and it also appears that people in the church are walking along side of him trying to help him break it. Sounds like accountability to me. To discipline means to disciple. It’s what Jesus did with his 12, and it’s what really needs to happen in the church.