I would shake that man’s hand…and then while I’ve got one of his hands, I’d punch him in the throat.
I can’t stand reality TV, with few exceptions. If your reality TV show is on the History or Discovery channels, there is a better chance I’ll like your show.
But for the most part, reality TV is the bane of my existence. It’s like roadkill. It just pops into my field of vision and I can’t avert my eyes quickly enough to keep them from being permanently damaged.
It makes me wonder if Jesus would be a fan of reality TV.
A Thousand Tabloid Magazines
A typical episode of reality TV is like a thousand tabloid magazines, liquefied and pumped into your brain in audio-visual format. It’s a highly concentrated dose of idiocy, and like hard liquor, probably kills thousands of brain cells.
There’s the lighter fare, stuff like The X Factor, American Idol, or The Amazing Race. These are largely harmless, recreational shows. But they can be gateways for harder reality shows. And there are hundreds to choose from. Keeping Up with the Kardashians, Snoop Dogg’s Father Hood, Gene Simmons’ Family Jewels, The Real Housewives of Atlanta, The Girls Next Door, Ice Loves Coco, The Bachelorette, Big Brother, and the crack cocaine of all reality TV: Jersey Shore.
Tell me: why is Atlanta a hotbed of housewife drama? Why does anyone care about what one terrible mother is doing to exploit her three talentless daughters?
A Flaming Bag of Dog Poop
Reality TV is a theater of the absurd. Some people like to peek in, like voyeurs, into the ridiculous lives, the petty dramas, the pathetic problems of self-important people. It is the absolute bottom of the cultural food chain, like a flaming bag of dog poop on your TV. After just thirty seconds of reality TV, I find myself despairing of life and close to a mental breakdown. This is why the founding fathers didn’t want everyone to be able to vote.
It’s a formula that works. Even shows which should be pretty straightforward dip into the idiot drama department. American Chopper should be about a bunch of grown men building amazing motorcycles. Instead, American Chopper is about a bunch of grown men acting like spoiled, whiny, prima donna princesses…while building amazing motorcycles. The guys look masculine…but they couldn’t be less masculine.
And while I can’t help but change the channel as quickly as possible, I realized that if there’s one reality TV fan, it’s Jesus.
Jesus Watches ‘Jersey Shore’
Jesus gets to see a lot of great things. He sees every sunrise, every child being born. He sees miracles every day. He also watches every episode of Jersey Shore. While I look away, you’re not going to find a bigger fan of reality TV than Jesus.
I guess it kind of goes with being omnipotent.
But there is another reality show that I’ve largely tried to block out. I’ve tried to forget and erase and ignore huge episodes of my own reality show. There are plenty of shameful episodes in my life that would’ve made great TV. They would’ve been ratings killers. And I hate them.
And Jesus hasn’t missed an episode.
Jesus hasn’t changed the channel. He hasn’t pushed the ‘mute’ button. He hasn’t thrown the remote at the TV in disgust. He’s just watched, faithfully for thousands of episodes of my life.
Jesus is the biggest fan of reality. Your reality, my reality, Snooki’s reality. The things that we can’t stand about ourselves, Jesus can stand. All the dark episodes of human drama, Jesus was there.
I’m thankful for that. No matter how bad my show gets, or how low the ratings are, someone is watching and pulling for me.
I hope you each have a fantastic Thanksgiving. I’ll be taking the rest of the week off and returning next Monday. Just as a fun send-off for the rest of the week, tell me what, if any reality TV you watch!