Letters From a Teenage F-g

July 27, 2011

I have to say, I am disappointed in Mark Driscoll…

…that he would make a comment that would light up the internet with conversation more colorful than a gay pride parade, while I was out of town, and unable to blog about it.

But it’s all good.  I’ve taken a lot of time to reflect on the topic.  If you are unaware of all the kerfluffle, Pastor Mark Driscoll of Mars Hill Church, Seattle, posted this on Facebook:

“So, what story do you have about the most effeminate anatomically male worship leader you’ve ever personally witnessed?”

And all hell broke loose.  People ganged up on Mark, demanding apologies, calling him a bully.  And somewhere, Rob Bell was a little bit jealous of all the negative attention.

I’m glad I’m late to the game on this one.  Because I think I can say something that hasn’t been said yet.  And this topic is so much bigger than Mark, or all the people he offended.  This is all about what we think “real” men and women are…and how wrong we have it.

Checklist of the Un-Manly

Mark Driscoll is, by all appearances, a manly man.  He’s burly.  He probably has a five-o’clock shadow…at lunch.  He’s probably never had to work hard at his appearance of masculinity.  He probably has typically masculine interests.  His beef is with guys who don’t live up to the standards of masculinity that he so easily embodies.

By contrast, since I was a teenager, I’ve never lived up to most standards of masculinity.

Scrawny kid with patchy facial hair and glasses?  Check.

Virtually no athletic coordination?  Check.

Interests and talents in all things artsy-fartsy?  Check.

Reads books and gets good grades in school?  Check.

Yep, no one ever accused me of being too masculine.

I compensated for these masculine shortcomings by joining Boy Scouts.  But the “man” points I may have gained in the eyes of others by learning to wield fire, knives, and guns were cancelled out by prancing around in a uniform covered with badges.

Opposites Attract

Here’s how our culture works.  We also think that “masculine” and “feminine” are opposite things.  Opposites attract, right?

That’s a pretty easy and clear cut way to approach things.  If something’s not “manly,” then a man shouldn’t do it, or say it, or wear it.  It’s for girls.  This strict standard forces guys like Mark Driscoll to pursue the cartoonish caricature of fantasy-masculinity that is peddled in video games and pro-wrestling.  Fortunately for him, he does it quite well.  Those of us who don’t quite measure upwell, guys like Mark called us “fags” in high school.  Girls who don’t quite measure up to our clear cut standards of femininity, in other words, girls who were more big boned, or tomboyish are called “dykes.”

The only other alternative we’ve come up with is to deny that masculine and feminine are different at all and try to be some kind of androgynous, Lady Gaga-like, alien life form.

Neither approach really works.

Who’s the Bigger Man?

Here’s the irony.  If Mark Driscoll saw me, he might call me out for being, in his mind, too feminine or queer.  In his guts, he has a problem with guys who aren’t as “masculine” as he views himself…

…And in my guts, I have just as big a problem with him and his idea of masculinity.  I don’t even know him, but my mind tells me that I know his “type.”  The big, dumb jock type.  And my guts have a quiet disdain for that type of man who doesn’t measure up to my standards of masculinity.  The type man who I imagine is more like an ape, incapable of deep thought or self-reflection in between ass-slapping his sweaty football buddies in the shower.

Of course, my idea of Mark is probably no more accurate than his idea of “effeminate” men.

The truth is that I’m no bigger a man than a burly lumberjack like Mark Driscoll.  And he’s no more a man than I.  A man’s masculinity (or lack thereof) isn’t determined by athleticism, or his paycheck, reading habits, or the size of his penis, just like a woman’s femininity isn’t determined by her cooking skills or the size of her breasts.  (A man also can’t make himself any more of a woman, whether it’s by dressing like a metrosexual worship leader, or getting a sex change.)

There’s so much to talk about here, I can tell this is going to be a big springboard that goes way beyond this silly little controversy.  So let’s get started!  How do you know a “real” man or woman when you see one?  How do you measure up at being “real” men and women?

58 responses to Letters From a Teenage F-g

  1. Hi Matt,

    Just commenting to let you know I read it.

    Not sure why.

    I have nothing to say on this one.

    John Cowart

  2. The best test of a real man is are they being true who God has made them and achieving the destiny that He set before them. This is the spiritual destiny. We can’t measure obedience in the natural.

    Manly traits? All I can say is that my wife loves it when I am sweating my butt off digging a post hole for the pet fence. The truth is, she could kick my butt if she wanted too – but she prefers to be a little more lady like!

    In the end, it is unfortunate that we see people in terms of the natural abilities, talents and physical features. God overlooked these issues with lots of Bible characters – especially Lazarus, he was dead.

    http://www.fireandgrace.com

  3. How do I recognize a manly-man? Well, I am more in the boat with the author of this blog than I am with Driscoll. I think a real man enjoys what he enjoys and isn’t afraid to be bold about that. I don’t care if you don’t do football or work on engines(neither do I). Don’t be afraid to go against the flow and do your own thing. To me, that’s a manly man.

  4. Im the least manly person I know….

    I have to pretend what teams played last night and pretend to know how my town team is doing….

    I short and stumpy, chuby even…so where do we fit? lol…

    I have to disagree on the woman thing though matt….size does matter! lol…j/k…

  5. Wow, another idiotic statement by Mark Driscoll, surprising. His is just another brand of fundamentalism that labels everyone who isn’t like him or believes like him, inferior. why is he getting so much attention from the Christian community? Oh yeah, a big church and a big mouth. That’s biblical…

    I believe that a real man is one who has accepted Jesus, accepted himself for who God created him to be, and has accepted responsibility for the impact of his life. I read recently an article called “boys who shave” that talked about perpetual adolescence we see all around us today. The bible says that real men have put childish living and thinking away and have become adults.

  6. I agree with Brian… I consider my husband a “real man” because he puts God first. If God says to do something, He does it without procrastinating or whining. He’s able to delay gratification, do the hard thing (even when it hurts), and stand up against opposition while keeping his integrity intact. Yes, I dated more “macho” guys (sorry Pete!) but note who I married (32 years ago)!

  7. I heard a great quote from Ken Hamm (Answers in Genesis) at a homeschooling convention. I thought I had the exact words in my notes but can’t find them, so I will tell you the basics: He said that there is only one human race. There are no multiple races of humans, just different tribes. This is an awesome way to think of every person that you meet, regardless of their political affiliations, interests or sexual inclinations. Ken Hamm isn’t as crazy, nor as stupid as the media makes him out to be. That doesn’t mean that he isn’t infected with foot-in-mouth disease like every human being on the planet.

    It sounds like Pastor Driscoll got hit with foot-in-mouth disease. Maybe he was trying to make a point that you can’t judge a book by its cover and didn’t think through very well the BEST way to do it. Thank you, Jesus, that I am a unknown, homeschooling mother that only makes a fool of myself in the company of friends and family who are forgiving enough to overlook my offense or gently reprove me.

    One last thought: I know two men who love the fiber handicrafts. One is an avid knitter and spinner and makes beautiful things. The other one crochets beautiful things. One of them is a Christian, heterosexual married man. The other, I just found out is gay, not because of the way he acts or because I asked or because he “came out”, but because some “open-minded” person said something about being glad that she has found some gay friends to replace the gay friends she had in San Francisco. Both of them are real men.

  8. Great post, Matt.

    I think the bottom line is that there isn’t such a thing as “true masculinity” or “true femininity”, there are only preferences that people have and ways that people like to behave. There are plenty of people who don’t fit in the gender binary, and they’re people deserving of respect too. Once we start saying things like, “Men are people who like sports,” we’re sweeping aside the men who don’t like sports, the women who like sports, the M2F or F2M or neutrois individuals who may or may not like sports, and so on.

    Our genitalia aren’t magical determiners of our entire personalities. There’s no reason to pretend that they are, except to spread prejudice and discrimination.

  9. I suppose what defines a real man to me is sort of like what defines pornography. I can’t define it, but I know it when I see it. And I don’t care for stereotypical descriptions at either end of the spectrum.

    • agreed; whether he’s artsy-fartsy or bookish or brawny or athletic, i need to sense from a real man that i can look to him for some degree of covering, shelter. a real man, to me, is marked by initiative — and that can take different forms.

      i don’t know if any of that makes sense. but as kat says, i’ll know i’m around a real man if i feel safe around him; i won’t feel the need to put my guard up because he’s good at being a guardian.

      i’m not saying that it’s wrong for a woman to fend for herself and handle her business nor am i buying into this “women are the weaker sex” thing…

      hmmm. this is getting long…

      so it’s not that men are stronger than women but that men and women are strong in different ways, and i subconsciously am looking for the kind of strength that God has given all men (artsy, athletic, whatever) but not women.

      class not crass. sorry i just put that in there because it rhymes.

      sorry matt. probably should’ve just let you know that i read this post (and have been reading the others, too) and kept it at that!

  10. I am from Chicago. I eat hot dogs. (Bear with me please, I have a point…). A Chicago Style dog can be found on Wikipedia. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/C… I do not eat my hot dog “Chicago Style”. I eat my hot dog on a slice of bread (not a bun), with onions, relish, and mustard. A true Chicagoan does not let anyone tell her how to eat her hot dog. She eats it however she likes!

    I would say that a true man does not let others tell him what he prefers (movies, food, chores, etc..) any more than a true Chicagoan does. (Although, he may sacrifice his own wants for the sake of those he loves.)

  11. I think a real man is defined as someone who refuses to be defined by other people’s insecurities…then again, the same goes for a real woman. Someone like Driscoll seems filled to the brim with insecurity, at least to me. I appreciate what you wrote because you give him the benefit of the doubt and say he’s comfortable with his brand of manhood. But when I see someone prescribing these one size fits all solutions, the first word that occurs to me is “fear”. If Christians are secure in our identities in Christ, why can’t we trust Him to work in various ways through individuals? It reminds me of Moses expecting he needed to hit the rock every time. I mean, maybe it’s not insecurity either, I don’t know.

  12. I think this was the best response to this topic that I’ve read! I’m not the “typical” woman either. I don’t cry at movies or weddings. I could kick any guy’s butt (if I wasn’t a pacifist). And I’m a logical thinker…and I guess women aren’t supposed to think, because people are always surprised by that for some reason. Weird.

    So, as a girl who’s been called a lesbian many times, based solely on my personality, I was angry after reading Driscoll’s comments. …and I immediately put him in the dumb jock category too. It’s important to take a look in the mirror now and then. Thanks for giving me a mirror!

  13. I’ve followed Driscoll for a couple years now, and while that particular Facebook post was absolutely wrong, he usually has good opinions on what is manly and what isn’t.

    Listen to his sermon “Marriage and Men”. You’ll find that he bases masculinity on responsibility and not abusing those around him. By his own standards in that sermon, his Facebook post was unmanly.

    • I agree with Andrew. I think we are putting a ton of words into Driscolls mouth just based off of one facebook status. I dont agree with what he wrote but it’s not like hes the only one talking about men acting like boys. The Atlantic, NY Times and Washington Post have all covered the issue in the past year or so.

    • I don’t agree with Mark’s gender roles usually. And he yells too much for me to enjoy most of his sermons (I have sensitive ears!), but I agree that he has a lot of good things to say sometimes. And I guess we’ve all put dumb things on facebook before.

  14. A man has a penis. A woman does not.

  15. I have to say, I would really like to take Mark Driscoll out back and kick him in the shins.

    Mostly because my husband is a worship pastor with a high tenor voice.

    It still makes me mad that he would say that, for it implies that he thinks worship leading is apparently best left to effeminate men who deserve to be mocked. (I could be way off in my assumption, but the feeling is genuine.)

    Because two of the best men I know–my husband and my father–have both been/are worship leaders.

    To me, a real man is one who will drive 4 hours to visit his daughter at college because she’s had an emotional crisis and scared her boyfriend (the man she ultimately married). A real man is one who does what he can to improve his relationship with God and his family, because he recognizes that he’s not perfect.

    A real man is one who sticks with his wife, despite rocky years in their marriage. A real man is one who, though he really wants to be a dad, doesn’t blame his wife for not conceiving…and understands her fears about getting tested to see who is at “fault,” because she doesn’t want to know who gets blamed for this one.

    A real man is one who will allow, without hesitation, the invasion of three little girls into his home and life, girls to whom he has no blood tie and are only his nieces by marriage, to care for them and raise them and love them as if they are his own. A real man stands by his wife as they both go to court together to fight to protect those precious children. A real man no longer sees them as nieces, but his own children, and loves them accordingly.

    My dad and my husband are real men.

  16. You stinkin bloggers! you and Rachel Held Evans both do this to me all the time and I hate it! You have me tracking with you, feeling all self righteous for calling out some punk and then you totally turn it around on yourself and make me feel all convicted and stuff.

    Shame on you!

    Why must you be so thoughtful and tempered?!

  17. Simply put, Ephesians 5-6 and Micah 6:8.

  18. I thought I had read all the commentary about Effemigate that I could stomach, but I’m glad I went against my initial instinct. I don’t have anything to add except: well said.

  19. Man, I’m late to the commenting game!

    “A man’s masculinity (or lack thereof) isn’t determined by athleticism, or his paycheck, reading habits, or the size of his penis, just like a woman’s femininity isn’t determined by her cooking skills or the size of her breasts.”

    Love this! I think somewhere along the line of defining the lines of what is the ultimate biblical man and the ultimate biblical woman, we lost sight of our ultimate goal- Christ. We are all called to emulate him in his boldness, strength, courage, compassion, and love. There are ways that men and women may display these characteristics differently, but the source (creation in the image of God), the goal (recreation in the image of Christ), and the power (the Holy Spirit) are the same.

  20. Hmm; didn’t I read this post like; 3 weeks ago? Matt, did you plagiarize? I really think I saw this post weeks ago on another site…
    What eves.

    Mark Driscoll? I really have only one thought; and it’s a Hollywood thought.
    “There’s no such thing as bad publicity”
    He is a mediocre pastor that is a household name because of the controversial things that he says. Smart move, Mark. Now everyone knowe you, Mark. Way to build attendance, Mark.
    Seriously, the only reason that people talk about him is because of the crazy stuff he says. Must we help promote him with this nonsense?

    Today; one of the great spiritual giants of our time passed on to glory.
    Lets talk about meaningful things like that.
    “The evangelical world has lost one of its greatest spokesmen,” said Billy Graham in a statement today, “and I have lost one of my close personal friends and advisors. I look forward to seeing him again when I go to Heaven.”
    See you on the other side, John Stott.
    Anyone here read “Basic Christianity”?

    • Thanks for alerting us to John Stott’s passing, Jillian. I had not heard until this.

      Also, you are quite right. I can see both sides of this as demonstrated in Proverbs 26:4-5:
      “Do not answer a fool according to his folly,
      or you will be like him yourself.

      Answer a fool according to his folly,
      or he will be wise in his own eyes” (NIV)

      Many people who responded to Mark Driscoll merely acted just like him, therefore they also looked silly. He did at least change his tone and wording, so something got through.

      However, I think you are right. “We” should probably stop reacting every time he says something crazy. I think Matt handled it well (at least something good came from his treks!), but if people stopped reacting he might become largely a non-event.

    • If you read a similar article, it is entirely coincidental. I didn’t read anything like what I said. I try to do it that way.

    • Jillian, perhaps you were thinking of Tyler L. Clark’s “Open Letter to Mark Driscoll”, which Rachel Held Evans linked to a couple of weeks ago? He and Matt seem to have had similar, but NOT identical, experiences.

      Yes, I read John Stott’s “Basic Christianity” 40 years ago and it led to me making a commitment to follow Christ.

      • Yes, I think it was that letter, thanks for the clarification Simon. It was dated July 9th, so almost 3 weeks ago. I couldn’t remember where I saw it. I’m surprised I remembered I read it at all 😉 I didn’t really think Matt stole the story, just messing with him.

        Basic Crisitianity. Life-changing & classic. I need to find my copy and give it to my teenage boys to read.
        Nice tribute on your blog.

  21. Wow. I followed a link of a link of a link and ended up here. And this is my first introduction to you, a man who may or may not be more or less manly than, um, whoever. I had read something about the Mark Driscoll brouhaha when it happened, but I don’t keep up with popular culture, even within the church, so I didn’t even know who he was til I saw the article. It seemed like a graceless thing to say, but I couldn’t figure out if he was really that worried about somebody being effeminate or if he just wanted some attention. I grew up in a small town where football was king and everyone knew the opening day of all the hunting seasons (except me) and parents got their boys out of town quick if they didn’t seem macho enough. So that is where I got alot of my education about how the world sees men, but I didn’t necessarily buy it all (as evidenced by my dating band geeks). When I went back to finish college, I ended up at a conservative Christian institution in west Texas. Again, the same type of culture. But then I had to do my social work internship, and I ended up working with clients who had HIV/AIDS. And yes, most of them were gay. Of course, I had been taught that gay men are wimps and lacked courage. But if you want to know about courage, try being openly gay in west Texas. :) It was an interesting time. They didn’t change my mind about homosexuality and sin, but they taught me a lot about grace and love. They also taught me that the best way to get somebody to agree with you is not by pistol-whipping them. Fast-forward and I end up married to a man who spent 21 years in the army, likes guns, and would be able to defend me if necessary. He also breaks out into show tunes and dances down the hall at work. Sometimes he can be downright prissy, but who is going to argue with the Master Sergeant about his right to do so? My Dad, who taught me a lot about “manliness”, lives with us. And he doesn’t say much, but you can tell he probably has an opinion or two about the fact that we come home from work and the Hubs cooks while I read the newspaper online. The only time that “mixing roles” has ever been an issue is when it comes to being the spiritual head of the family. Hubs wanted to foist that off on me in the beginning – “you’re better at it” (questionable) – and I told him he would need to talk to God about it because I’m not that one who thought up the plan in the first place. My husband is definitely not what I was taught to expect in a man, but he’s exactly what I needed and God knew that. When my brother’s are around, you can tell they want to tease us, but Hubs has done such a good job of taking care of us through thick and thin that they leave it alone. I still see the funny looks they give each other when they think we aren’t looking. Carolyn and her prissy husband… but then they start talking about guns and it’s all fine. So how would I recognize a manly man? Or a womanly woman? At this point, it just starts when I see their heads bowed in prayer instead of their fist raised at a God they supposedly don’t believe in. The rest of the supposed markers of manliness are up for grabs right now. There! It’s always nice to write a reply that is as long as the actual blog post when introducing one’s self. 😉

  22. Oh.

    I have been following the knee-jerk responses by the feminine-spirited feminist liberals and their weak-minded boy toys since this “story” broke.

    Thus far, everyone has been fulfilling their roles in this handily. All the cliches are true, for every stereotype is rooted in truth.

    I revel in my masculinity. With my hands I can kill or I can cradle my 10-month old daughter. With my mouth I can destroy, cripple, bind and loose, or I can encourage, edify, and heal. I am my Father’s son, which makes me warrior, husband, father, and brother. I’m not a woman nor do I wish to act like one. There’s enough of that kind of thing going on already.

    Driscoll didn’t say effeminate men were homosexuals. It is people like you that say that. It is people like you who rant and fuss about and say that Driscoll obviously was making fun of you.

    God help us all.

    The New Christianity has arrived. Men are no longer men and women need to be men now.

    • What are you talking about, Huios? This is not about whether or not effeminate men are homosexuals. This has to do with teasing and stigma toward men who don’t act “manly” enough, or women who don’t act “womanly” enough. (Turns out, being homosexual is one way that men are seen as not manly enough — gotta love the sexytimes with the ladies, or else — so the term “fag” is used as an insult against boys who don’t conform to gender norms, even if they’re heterosexual.)

      What does it mean to “act like a woman”? Why does being able to kill make you masculine? Do you think that women are not capable of using language to “destroy, cripple, bind and loose” or “encourage, edify, and heal”? I just honestly have no idea where you are getting this from. And, as a woman, I’m very curious what you think acting like a woman would be like, and why you wouldn’t ever want to do that.

      • “And, as a woman, I’m very curious what you think acting like a woman would be like, and why you wouldn’t ever want to do that.”

        Because for me to act like a woman is effeminate, and effeminate is a sin that is frowned upon. The same that I do not pursue being a drunkard, a glutton, or a wife-beater, I do not pursue acting like a chick.

        That was kinda a silly and pointless question, but…well, whatever helps you sleep at night, I reckon.

        • You didn’t answer my question. What sorts of behaviors are “like a woman”? How would you know whether someone was “acting effeminate”?

          A drunkard is someone who drinks to excess. A glutton is someone who eats to excess. A wife-beater is someone who physically abuses his wife. “A chick” is … someone with two X chromosomes? Someone with breasts and a vagina? You don’t “act like” you have two X chromosomes, or “act like” you have a vagina. You just do, or you don’t. So you must be talking about some other sort of behaviors. What are those behaviors?

      • Thank you, NFQ. Obviously, when words like “fag” and “dyke” are applied by teenagers, it has less to do with sexuality, and more to do with kids who don’t fit in with others’ expectations.

  23. Put God first. Put your wife above yourself. Put your kids above yourself. Take responsibility for your actions.

    There’s a man right there.

    • See, I just don’t get why we’re talking about this as a “man” thing in the first place. Why wouldn’t you have said,

      “Put God first. Put your loved ones above yourself. Take responsibility for your actions. That’s a good person right there.”

      What does it have to do with being male or female?

      • @NFQ,

        Ohhhhh, I get it now. Silly, silly me. You have an axe to grind and you whip it out whenever a man says anything about women that you immediately pounce upon to make some feminist point.

        You’re a gender-baiter. Nice.

        Good luck with that, chick.

      • I’ll chalk that up to the fact that what I wrote was derived from a more “male” topic, though I tried to make it for both genders. I agree, the topic is for men and women to consider.

        • You’re a guy, so of course you’re going to write about stuff from a guy’s point of view. There’s nothing wrong with that.

          I think what frustrates me (and probably a lot of other women) about these guys (I’m not even sure what to classify Driscoll as) is that they really say precious little about how women are supposed to behave. From what little I’ve actually heard of what he’s actually said about women, it’s pretty much consisted of–

          1) women are supposed to be some sort of idealized princess-type person that a “real man” is supposed to “win” and then protect

          2) a woman is supposed to do everything in her power to keep her husband happy, whatever that may be.

          Which is fine, in a sense–I like keeping my husband happy! But it doesn’t address the fact that maybe some women would like to have more of a role in the church other than just being their husbands’ special helpers. It also says nothing about single women and kind of relegates them to almost non-entity status. And I always find it kind of interesting that some guys can’t seem to figure out why women might be a little perturbed by that. (It’s always the fault of those evil feminists…right…)

          That’s my two bits, anyway.

  24. Wow. Now THAT is quite an introduction to a blog. And all of this happened in a church with no people. Fascinating…

  25. I have to admit that I probably followed the whole “controversy” mostly out of a perverse addiction to conflict (you know, the same reason Jerry Springer is so popular.) I did come away with a couple of things–

    1) I’m probably not going to pay attention to anything this guy says anymore. Yeah, I know there’s been a lot of call to “give him the benefit of the doubt”, and that’s fine. There are a lot of people that get something out his preaching, and that doesn’t bother me. As for myself, I don’t keep up with whoever today’s “preacher du jour” is, and I had never heard of Driscoll before finding out about his bad press. I then found out that he preaches on the other side of the country from me at a megachurch that I would probably never attend even if I did live in Seattle or wherever it is. I realized that I should probably stick to listening to my own pastor (the one in town that I can actually have a conversation with).

    So, from now on Driscoll’s off my radar. I don’t have the time or inclination to watch internet sermons or track down his writings when I’ve got a pile of other stuff I really want to read–I’m not going to expend extra energy finding out what some guy halfway across the country thinks. I’m cutting myself off.

    2) Even more than the twitter thing, I was less than impressed with Driscoll’s pseudo-apology that he put up on his website afterwards(without leaving a forum for comments, which was also…interesting.) I don’t know if you saw that.

  26. Wow, I never heard about this at all. I do know though the pain and confusion of being labeled just because you’re into the things you mentioned (and I went to a Christian school growing up). It’s hard not to let that define you, but you have to come to peace with who God made you to be while living according to His word and principles. There’s freedom in that and worrying about everyone else and their opinions is some of the worst bondage out there (I know from experience). Thanks Matt.

  27. Lad, Your “disappointed in M*** Dris**ll”? You fell into the trap of discussing his topic! Do your own barking and stop getting wagged. Put fire in your sermon or put your sermon in the fire.
    Agape, An old Man

  28. I like some of Mark Driscolls stuff, but he does say some silly things! As I would if I was in a public situation…. I hate to think of the stupid stuff I would do!

    I like your thoughts on questioning what a real male or female is…. As a girl brought up in the church all her life I have often felt like I should be dressing plain, helping in Sunday School, and baking cakes in the kitchen, and at the same time smiling serenely at everyone because I love serving so much….. like a good plain Christian Woman ought! Unfortunately as hard as I tried I couldn’t do those things – I just wanted to be out surfing, being active, skinny dipping and bantering with friends – all of the more ‘male’ kind of things. So I have never really fitted in with most Christian girls. Occasionally I bake something and post it on Facebook to appear slightly more ‘marriageable’ but mostly I don’t bother.

    Anyway, I don’t really know what a ‘real,’ woman is…… or a ‘real’ man. As a single, a man in skinny jeans definitely turns my head, something Mark Driscoll wouldn’t approve of….. but as for what a real man or woman is I wouldn’t have the faintest idea, I suppose it has something to do with them following Jesus with all their heart.

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