The average person knows 10,000 words in the English language.
Though the way we blog sometimes, it seems like we know about 100 words.
We get in these little word ruts. We find some words and phrases we like. Then we use them ad nauseum until no one can stand us anymore. For example, I can’t stand McDonald’s commercials…any of them. I don’t think the McDonald’s corporation can produce one advertisement that doesn’t make me want to bulldoze the nearest McDonald’s.
And that’s what we do when we use cheap, trite, or overused words. We become McDonald’s commercials.
Today, I’m here to help you clean up your act when it comes to blogging, tweeting, commenting, Facebooking, or whatever you do, with my countdown of words and phrases that have got to go. Because I guarantee that if you use too many of these words too many times, I will cut off all online contact with you until you shape up.
Bad blogger! Bad! Stop it! Don’t call one more thing a “game changer.”
Talk about a worthless cliche. We used to call “game changers” just “cheaters.” Now it roughly translates: “What I am about to say and / or do is so magnificent and noteworthy, that the orbit of the earth will actually pause momentarily while seven billion people soil themselves in sheer ecstasy and wonderment of me.”
If you are married, think about your wedding day. It was really important to you, a few other people, and no one else. It was a blip on everyone’s radar. (If you aren’t married, think about how unimportant every wedding day has been for you.) “Game changers” are the same way. There are hundreds of “game changers” tweeted every hour, and no one really cares. The “game” goes on, unchanged.
If you use this phrase, the only thing that might get changed is your face…by my fist. I call my fist the “face changer.”
“Influential,” “Relevant,” or “Dynamic”
If you use any of these words to describe yourself in your blog bio or Twitter profile, then I will assume you have absolutely no real credentials whatsoever, because you are resorting to extremely vague and generic descriptors for yourself.
Guess what? I will decide if you are “influential,” “relevant,” or “dynamic.” If you are influential, I will buy whatever junk you are selling. If you are relevant, I will care about your asinine opinions. If you are dynamic, I will say to myself, “Holy crap, this guy is dynamic!” But you have to prove you are dynamic…like, by riding on a unicycle…while on fire…or something. Hey, when you use words that have no definition, I get to make it up.
Bonus points for referring to yourself in the third person while describing yourself with these words. And by “points,” I again mean punches to the face.
“Social Media Expert”
There are hundreds of people on Twitter calling themselves “social media experts” or “social media strategists.” Who gives out diplomas recognizing “expertise” on Facebook? Is there an “expert” sticker you get for beating Farmville? Can Farmville even be beaten? Know who’s a real “social media expert?” Mark Zuckerberg. Because he actually made a billion dollars off of social media. The rest of us are just his pawns and playthings.
Oh, and while we’re on tech-speak, stop calling things “Whatever-This-Thing-Is 2.0.” Unless you want to try my new program, “Slap to the Face 2.0.” (It’s pretty much the same program as version 1.0, but with two slaps instead of one.)
That’s right, I’m tired of the word “vision,” which is the most cited, most trumpeted, most central component to any church “strategy,” to create “paradigm shifts,” or whatever they are trying to do. Most of the time, having a church “vision” is just a nice sounding way to get members to fall in line with what the pastor wants to do. This is what is maddeningly referred to in the business world as “synergy.” All the little cogs, er, workers in their places.
I just don’t think that’s what the Bible means by having “visions.”
Okay, your turn! Tell us what words and phrases need to be retired forever, lest you slap the person nearest you in utter despair!