I Love God, But I Don’t Have to Like Him

April 11, 2011

Sure, we’re commanded to love God…

…but does that mean we have to always like Him?

I think one of the biggest myths of Christianity, perpetuated by all the smiling faces at church and the cheery, lovey dovey praise songs is that Christians are always amped up on how much we like God.

But if you’ve ever been in love with anyone, you know that you may love them, but there are times when it’s a good thing you love them because you sure don’t like them.  Something they do disappoints, annoys or angers you until you can’t stand to look at them.  There’s a difference between loving and liking, and Jesus commanded us to love God…probably because liking everything God does is pretty near impossible.

I’ll admit it, God and I have had our differences.  Actually, I’ve nearly come to fisticuffs with God on more than one occasion.  Trying to have a fistfight with God looks pretty absurd by the way.

So if you love God, but you don’t exactly like Him today, you’re in good company.

Not Complaining is Not Biblical

You know how when you’re about to confront someone “in Christian love,” it’s because they’re doing something you don’t like, right?  See, you can love someone, and still get in their face because they’re being a jerk.

I’ve gotten in God’s face “in Christian love” a lot.  One time, I arranged a full blown intervention for God.  You know, get a bunch of people together to tell Him we love Him, but we don’t like what He’s doing.

Sure, complaining doesn’t seem like a very “Christian” thing to do.  But it is the most enduring religious practice on earth.  Virtually everyone in the Bible complained to God at some point.  Cut out the complaints, you maybe have half your Bible left.  Ever since we learned to talk to God, we’ve been griping to Him about what He’s doing wrong.  No one likes a Debbie Downer every week at church.  But if you don’t like something, it’s probably okay to come to God “in Christian love.”

God’s Got Thick Skin

I will tell you, there have been days where I’ve really let God have it.  I didn’t curse Him or anything, but I’ve thrown tantrums.  I have yelled at Him.  I have told Him exactly the ways He has disappointed me as the Creator and Lord of the universe.  I have named a myriad of reasons why my life sucks and it’s His fault.  My prayers have followed the formula of: ask, seek, knock, knock harder, start whining, pound on the door with both fists while yelling incoherently.

I have blamed God because it’s too hard to find a job.

I have complained to God about circumstances at church…

Then I complained when the church closed.

And on and on it goes…

Funny thing is God never struck me with lightning, or crushed me with a boulder.  He just kind of sat there and took it.  I don’t remember reading about God ever smiting someone who complained or yelled or shook his fist.  After all, it takes a certain amount of faith to believe in God enough to yell at Him.

It seems like God knows it comes with the territory.  If you’re going to be a deity and create a bunch of little people with independent thoughts, they’re going to blame you for everything.

How Do You Intend to Placate Me?

Perhaps God has a plan for my life.  But I don’t have to like the plan.  It’s really hard to see the good of the plan when you’re in the part of the plan you hate.  But usually, after I throw my tantrum, I start talking normally again, and I feel better about things.  Sometimes God answers.  I can’t keep complaining.  Perpetual negativity depresses me.

Is complaining the most effective way to pray?  No.  Being a crybaby isn’t all that cool.  But it’s probably something we’ve all done anyway.  We just don’t like to admit it in polite company.  We have “prayer requests” in church and pity-parties at home.  We do it when we’re alone and we’re sure no one but God is going to know just how much like a three-year-old we can act.

But now’s your chance.  Tell us something that you’ve complained to God about recently.  Get it off your chest.  If it had a good resolution, tell us that too.  If it’s something you’re still mumbling and grumbling about, that’s okay too.

49 responses to I Love God, But I Don’t Have to Like Him

  1. One of the most memorable pieces of advice I’ve ever gotten: “Tell God you’re angry. It’s not like he doesn’t already know.”

    Something that I’m unhappy about? Moving to a new city, being transplanted from my old church, and spending 9 months looking for a new church. I mean, I could have had a baby in this amount of time.

    Surely meeting a new body of believers can’t possibly be harder than creating a new body from scratch. Apparently it is.
    Jo_of_TSN recently posted..A Priestly Community

  2. I am in one of those places right now.

    I love your analogy about behaving like a 3 year old. My 5 yo daughter keeps throwing the “it’s not fair” comment at me.

    I know I am behaving a bit like that, for all the reasons you mention.
    I was in tears yesterday at church, while singing about how awesome God is and how much we adore him etc etc, all I could think about was just how much I do not like him right now. I get the meaning of the songs, I even agree with them.
    But the conflict within me, between that God and the one who “stood around with his hands in the folds of his garments” while my life was thrown into a whirlwind of crap, brings me to tears.

    Life is not fair, things might work out in the end, but right now it pretty much sucks.

    • I’m with ya, Ron. Lip service yesterday, with pain in my heart. My friends tell me; you think YOUR life is bad, compare it to so and so, they would love your problems. Message sent? You don’t have real issue, man up and shut up. Sometimes I feel like God gives the same message. When I am bleeding all over in my spirit.
      A christian teacher that I listen to says there are 3 kinds of pain.
      1. physical pain; sometimes chronic, which leads to….
      2. mental pain; rejected; disrespected, depressed: which can lead to…
      3. spiritual pain; God! why have you forsaken me?

      Which pain is worse? The one you are currently in.
      Yep. right now it pretty much sucks.

  3. Hi Matt,

    This is the best post you’ve ever written!

    Not just saying that because I won a book this weekend either (Shame I didn’t have the same king of luck with my Lotto numbers).

    This whole love/like thing has been a dynamic in my life for ages. And it factors not only with God but with my wife and children and all my contacts.

    When Ginny and I first married 43 years ago, I drove an 18-wheeler cross country and we traveled together–three feet apart, 24 hours a day, seven days a week, thousands and thousands of miles of enforced togetherness.

    Love don’t cut it in those circumstances.

    We found it helps to be able to honestly say, “I love you forever, but I can’t stand you right this second–Get back with me in a day or two”.

    The Lord knows that I am dust working as a temp. Nothing to get gushy about. A person passing through His universal plans and trying to fit in, to measure up for a permanent job.

    Love Him with all my mind and heart and soul and strength??? “Ok Lord, I love You forever, but right this second…”

    Matt, you really speak to my condition ion this post. I’m so glad you write these things. You help me cope.


  4. Trying to have a fist fight with God is probably alot like trying to hide from him behind fig leaves. Using the parenting analogy that God seems to like to go with, my kids don’t like me half the time either. i am always making them do things they don’t want like take showers or make their bed. And they definitely complain when I force these horrible tasks upon them. Certainly I am doing it for their good, either to teach them something or to get them to stop stinking, but I do love them and torture them for good reasons.
    Jeremy @ Confessions of a Legalist recently posted..Praying for Tiger

    • I think having a fist fight with God can be beneficial sometimes, though. Sometimes the only conceivable options are fight or flight. At least when you fight God, you’re engaging with Him. Sometimes we have to wrestle the angel before we get the blessing we never knew we needed.
      Jo_of_TSN recently posted..Partys over Move along

  5. I often think of Jeremiah when he says, “You duped me and I was duped.” God calls us into as spiritual life and then causes us to see all the horrible things about ourselves, and!!!!! then wants us to not only change those, but to be forgiving and calm with others whom I think need a sucker punch.

    It’s about to storm here in Kentucky, and I’m developing huge pain in my joints already. I’m only 53 for crying out loud and disabled by this, so yeah, I get what you are saying.

    Matt, you are great!

  6. I’m unhappy about just about everything in my life. I’m tired of God allowing me to be beaten down for some unknown reason. When I thought there was a call to ministry on my life, it made enduring the crap easier because I could just say “well, God’s refining me for ministry to help someone else.” Now that I know He’s not calling me to ministry, I have no freakin’ idea why everything I’ve gone through has happened. There’s no point of making me “more like Jesus” if He’s rejected using me for His purposes. I really believe there’s no good in this “plan” any longer.
    Jason recently posted..Day 100- The First 100 Days

    • It sounds like you might come from a similar background that I do. My brother felt this way, too, because our youth pastor convinced everyone of us guys that we were called into ministry. He went to school for it, but before he ever finished, God let him know He didn’t want Dan as His employee. Based on our church upbringing, to Dan, this meant God didn’t want to use him anymore, so what was the point?

      God still wants to use you for His purpose. He has a lot more going on than just the church and being a pastor. Being called to be a good Christian salesman, doctor, fast food worker, whatever isn’t any less of a calling than being called to be a pastor.
      Jeff recently posted..He never said He wouldn’t give us too much to handle

  7. I continue to complain about the lack of contentment I have in my life. He is working for sure. Lent has been a BIG part of the process.
    Matthew Snider recently posted..How She Left This World

  8. I get frustrated at him when I try to do the right thing but other people out there do whatever and keep getting more and more successful. I know there’s a psalm for that. But it’s still really annoying.

    Charlie Chang recently posted..277 Bath tub gospel

    • If there’s a psalm out there for your situation, it just goes to show that some things never change, and God is apparently not going to change it.

      • I’m with charlie on this one….I’m going to be specific cause i don’t think the people i’m talking about will read this….But

        I was a worship leader for my youth bad a couple years back..I was already married (the right way. lol) had kids…and I knew that my church was going to start a new service on sunday mornings….but instead some late teen girl (whom i know well) got the invite so sing up there even though she was a member of the “christian school” at our church and she got pregnant with another kid from our church and the church treated them like royalty when she got up there to sing….but I who stives to do everything right get kick to the curb….so i understand charile…..it sucks to see those people be forgiven….i don’t like it….but God forgives them…what can you do! lol….

    • I call this the “other brother syndrome” after the other brother from the prodigal son parable. You’ve done everything “right” and aren’t getting jack squat that you want, while others are going out of their way to sin and are getting everything you want AND having an impromptu party thrown for them when they repent. It sucks! Until you realize that the party He’s gonna throw for _you_ has been carefully planned in advance. Every detail has been carefully orchestrated with _you_ in mind. There’s nothing “thrown together” about it – it’ll be perfect when the time comes. Just be patient until then…
      Princess Leia recently posted..Shoeboxes!

      • I always feel the need to respond when I hear people wine about being the other brother, who has done all the right things only to sit and watch the prodigal being feasted. So bear with me, this may not be what you want to hear. The problem suffered by the older brother is that he is waiting for his party to start when all along the party has been going on all around him and he missed it. He missed it because he failed to rejoice, to rejoice always and to be thankful in all circumstances. I am not talking about “manning up” through hardship, suffering is hard.

        I am talking about recognizing that our efforts at living in grace, and living graciously, are not to be undertaken as a sacrifice, but as a gift, and the gift should be shared with joy. We, as older brothers (and sisters), need to bear in mind that God is with us always, and that alone is celebratory – even as we suffer through the hardships of this life – at least we live though our hardships in the presence of one who loves us and stands with us all the way through.

        We need to separate our hardships from our relationship with God, not that they do not interact, but they are different features of our lives. If we suffer from cancer or unemployment or a pregnant teenage daughter, yet are bathed in the love of our spouse, we do not complain that because we suffer hardship we have a terrible spouse – instead, if we are healthy, we find the time and space to seek refuge in our spouse’s love, from which we draw strength to endure the hardships. The love and fidelity which is the hallmark of a healthy relationship with our spouse is not understood by us as sacrificial but as part and parcel of the goodness of that relationship, it is the part we relish. So too, the love and fidelity we express toward God as older brothers as well as the love and fidelity which God shares with us through God’s constant presence is part and parcel of the goodness of that relationship.

        We need to stop perceiving our lifestyle as sacrificial and begin rejoicing in it – we need to join in the celebration offered by God.

        • But I get mad at God too, and I yell at God for the most trivial of my problems, so I get that too.

  9. After all, it takes a certain amount of faith to believe in God enough to yell at Him.

    My wife and I were talking about something like this the other day. If we claim to have a real relationship with God, well, not being happy with someone goes along with the territory. We both love the Lord, but there’s a lot going on that we just don’t get right now. I especially have had a hard time with anger this year, having had a hard time finding work, and I’ve found that if I don’t vent it to God I end up taking it out on the wrong people. When it comes down to it, wouldn’t He rather me honestly rant and rave at Him than misplace my anger on undeserving loved ones? Or should the Psalms have read “Why do the evil prosper? Because my @#&$^ wife left her hairbrush on my side of the bed again, that’s why.”

  10. I guess I got a dose of gratitude after spending a week in the hospital. I cried when I came home. My wife asked me if I had missed the child clutter. I do now! I also missed the shower, good food and quiet enough to sleep. I missed the peace of my home where worship and Christian music sets the atmosphere.

    I last complained to God about church being too far, and my miserable commute into Boston each workday. No I can’t do either.

    What is important to me is knowing God, knowing His plan, and listening to His voice. In my church experience we have some very gifted prophetic people, and some of those prophetic promises from God got me a long way down the road of faith. God made some promises to me directly. The last one was about moving. Let’s face it, moving for me right now looks impossible – but I trust God.

    The only way I get though seeming disappointments, is to seek first the Kingdom of God. What is God doing now, today, that I should be listening to his voice for, and being obedient.

    In the end, complaining was always the lack of faith that God knew what he was doing.

    Great post Matt! We all want things in life. And as Christians we can get in a place of reducing God to a spiritual bellhop; that’s always disappointing.
    David recently posted..5 1-2 Reasons Why You Need Friends

  11. Thanks for writing this. Reminds memos a country song… We conveniently forget David complaining in the Psalms and that Jacob was blessed for wrestling with God. It’s ok to be ticked off sometimes. And my prayers definately look like yours: ask, seek… start pounding on the door
    Frank recently posted..Obsessed

  12. I think most of my complaints recently have been on the subject of God being real. I prayed out loud as I walked down a street in Columbia, MO, “Did you make all this? You better be real!”

    I liked your analogy of a marriage. I have been feeling that way recently. I feel committed to Jesus. That means I am in even when I don’t want to be and I work through my issues.

    Good post. Peace!
    JBen recently posted..Genesis 16- Three’s A Crowd

  13. Oh goodness, have I been here…actually, I usually am. It usually has less to do with actual circumstances as with issues of perceived character flaws I find in Him. I have some suggestions for improvement in His life. Ask me how that’s gone.
    David N. recently posted..Reader Love

  14. BWAH HA HA HA! Oh, too funny! Yeah, there have been so many instances I have not liked God, much like there have been times I have not liked certain members of my family. Actually, I STILL don’t like all of them. But I love that you actually put this out here. Thank you!
    Alisha recently posted..Pretty &amp Powerful Kicks

  15. One of my greatest comforts in life is that God never yells back, even when I dump all my anger and frustration on him. Right now I’m really frustrated that I’m graduating from college next month and I don’t have a job lined up. Not even a part-time barista job. Nothing. Zip. I’m pretty ticked at God about this, but at the same time I’m pretty sure it’s because God wants me to finish some business with my family before I move out of my parents’ house. It may be humbling, but if it’s God’s work, then I’m going to throw myself into it 100%. As soon as I stop whining.

    • I know just what you mean. When I started getting my teaching certificate, there were job opportunities galore. Now, virtually nothing. It’s hard to just get an interview. I can’t understand how my motivations could be any better or purer, so I don’t know what I can do to “convince” God that I’m deserving of a job.

      • One of the biggest hurdles in my faith journey has been when I’m sure I’m called to do something, and it falls through. I get very legalistic in these situations and end up not only disappointed, but worried that I may have failed God. For me, the best conclusion I can draw is that God’s timing is completely different than mine (i.e., much slower!) and often it’s not that something didn’t happen like I thought it would…but it didn’t happen WHEN I thought it would. For example, last year I ended up taking a semester off college and worried I had been wrong to choose this BA program to begin with. I ended up doing important things that semester and reenrolled in the fall. The timing was just a bit off from how I’d imagined it. Situations like that comfort me while I’m trying to peer in the future and figure out what God is doing with the seeming failures of my current life. Because I know that nothing is really a failure (aside from big sins, but that’s a different topic)…I just don’t have the right perspective right now.

        Anyway, this got long. But good luck on your vocation and your teaching in the future!

  16. Oh man, I’ve complained to God many times in the past. But nothing recently. I’m so thankful He’s really patient and loving.

  17. I love this. I wish I had written it.

    I will say though, while complaining is in the Bible, I don’t necessarily think its Biblical. God definitely brings the smack down on some complainers.

    Like you said though, He has thick skin. He is also never surprised by our complaints.

    My biggest complaint these days: just wanting what I want when I want it. I’m such a 3 year old.
    Modern Reject recently posted..Why I am Banning the Word “Mentor”

  18. I don’t think a relationship is authentic until you’ve actually had a fight. It allows you to take the masks off and see the other for who they really are. And then you work it out because you love each other.

    God and I walked through a really dark time about 6 years ago. I vehemently disagreed with how He took a special person from me after she fought hard against cancer. He got so much glory from her life, I didn’t think He needed any more glory from her death. But He took her all the same. She was healed and He was praised, but I was wrecked. Absolutely shattered.

    I spent weeks putting on my brave Christian face because “he gives and takes away”. Then one night, I was driving home from dropping my daughter off at a youth group event. I was just overwhelmed and angry and so very, very sad.

    I pulled my car over on the rural road I was on. And I proceeded to scream at the Heaven’s for almost half an hour. I screamed until I lost my voice. I screamed that He could have spared my friend, but didn’t. Was He not the creator of the universe, but couldn’t stop cancer? And the thing is, He just let me unload. And when I was done, I felt His peace. He’s a big God and can take my big melt downs. And I felt like I had a more authentic relationship with him when He walked me through the grief process. We still agree to disagree on how He chose to heal my friend, but I respect and trust His sovereignty even when I don’t like it.

    Great post Matt!
    Marni recently posted..Spring Break!

  19. I have complained, whined, yelled, screamed, and even cussed out God on numerous occasions. The last big tantrum was four years ago (and I mean BIG!). I knew I was in an ungodly relationship, but I was on my way to getting married! I fought with God over it for months.

    If I had not followed through, though, I would have never met my wife today!

    I also know the warning we get from scripture that sometimes we will not walk the same … like Jacob in Genesis 32. He literally wrestled with God and had a damaged tendon afterward! But Saul fought against God until Jesus punched back, and he became Paul-the-greatest-missionary-ever (perhaps)!
    Daniel M. Klem recently posted..Weekend Words and Sunday Stanzas

  20. I love God so much, that I refuse to live as He wants me to live.

    I love Him so much that I prefer to be my own god and live life exactly the way I want.

    Although I really don’t love Him like I ought, or with much real seriousness…He loves me with a seriousness so great that He was willing to send His Son to die for me.

    Christ died for the ungodly. I guess that’s me.
    Steve Martin recently posted..Becoming a better Christian and other such nonsense

  21. Great post Matt! Sometimes in modern Christiandom even admitting that things are crappy is forbidden, forget about admitting that you are angry at God- you must be a faithless heathen! At least I attended a church like that. We moved to a new location because I had this great new job and my husband was building a Christian out reach center for troubled youth. Fast forward 7 months and I was laid off and the ministry had fallen through. We still praised God during this time, but we also asked Him what the heck He was doing! We cried out to Him and let it all out! It’s a balance I think, of being real enough in our relationship with God to be able to express disappoint and to be faithful enough to realize we aren’t going to always understand how His plans are being fulfilled. I think it’s healthy in any relationship to admit when we aren’t happy, but it becomes unhealthy when we sit in our gunk and refuse to move on and trust for better things.
    Carla recently posted..Celebrations for The 3-fold Cord

    • How many times have I heard that one? Ministers uproot their entire lives for a church, and the church lets them down. I’ve seen pastors fired inside a few months of selling their homes and moving for the sake of a church. So what was the resolution for you?

      • Still working on that resolution. 😉 Before the bottom fell out, we were really praying for God to open up ways for us to help the poor and homeless. I feel like He let our challenges happen in an answer to those prayers. After it all fell apart poverty seemed more like a reality to us. We could understand things that others struggle with like we never could before, and we thought of some other ministry ideas. We have been amazed by how God has taken care of us despite how devastating the situation looks. We’ve heard God’s promise of restoration and we are putting our faith in that promise. Things are happening, albeit slowly, but we can see the light ahead.
        Carla recently posted..Celebrations for The 3-fold Cord

  22. Love this post!! There have been some times of serious struggle when in my most deepest ” I am so mad at you God” phases I would joke… ” Me & HIM…we are like Ross & Rachel (from Friends) WE ARE ON A BREAK!!!”. Hahahahahaha…but in the end I always go back…usually crying saying please forgive the moron in me!! 😉

  23. One of the reasons why I am angry with God. I am a 41 year old single woman. I have many friends and am caring, compassionate and maternal. My beef with God is, “Why did he make me this way if I’m not to be a wife or a mother?” I am perpetually single, have been my whole life. I don’t get it and neither do my friends. I have social skills (I am a teacher of 12 year olds) so it’s not that. Anyway, don’t know if that’s appropriate or not but I don’t get it. As a teacher I have seen masses of children over the years being brought up poorly, not being parented. In fact, there are so many now it feels like the children with manners and social niceties are the minority. I could do it. I babysit my friends’ kids so why not me?

    • I am 46 year old woman and I am in the same predicament. I know exactly how you feel. I still keep praying and asking for it though. Have been for the the last 21 years.

  24. I was complaining about the apparent flaws and corruption at the theology school I’m attending, frustrated…”how can God use this school when _____ is tolerated here!”

    and then God said, “It is good that I use things that are flawed, otherwise you would be screwed.”

    Touche, Jesus.

    (I don’t remember verbatim if God necessarily used the word “screwed” but the sentiment was there.)

  25. (brave post, friend. and so many courageous commenters…)

  26. I do not like God at all right now. It’s one of those situations of why can’t He just lay the plan out before me. if it’s such a great plan why can’t He just let me know what it is? I trust Him, I want to do whatever it is He wants me to do. So why can’t He just write it down and send it in the mail? He sees how hard I’ve been trying and it’s like He’s totally fine with me pushing against boulders that weren’t meant to be moved.

  27. Let’s face it, moving for me right now looks impossible – but I trust God. I also know the warning we get from scripture that sometimes we will not walk the same … like Jacob in Genesis 32.

  28. this is so good. I think we church-ians, get it all wrong some days!!

  29. Oh man, right now I am mad at God because He doesn’t seem to answer prayers I’ve been praying for years. My life seems to be stagnating and His promises aren’t coming to pass.

    I guess the closest I’ve come to resolution is realising a relationship with God is better than the things I want, and that was coming along fine, that other people have it worse (this doesn’t make me feel better, but it makes me feel kind of defeated and takes away all my righteous fury that God isn’t helping me. It’s a pretty rubbish resolution, to be honest). Thinking about the lengths of God’s love helps to a degree, but then I’ll think that that doesn’t really change the situation.

    Also how did your intervention with God go? Did He even bother to show up or did He blow you off/sneak out the back door when He realised what was going on?

  30. I just found this. It is interesting. I guess I feel like I love God but it is really hard to talk about this. I don’t like him right now. It hurts so much to say it and I don’t understand why I feel this way. I feel like I am someone different every day. I have a face for my work (I work for an inner-city christian mission group) and I have a face for home and I have a face for my friends. At home I am honest with my wife and she knows how I feel but I just can’t go on much longer pretending I am all on fire or whatever is expected of me. I just wish I could be honest with the rest of the Christian world without being labeled a blasphemer or “under attack” or whatever. I wish it didn’t hurt so much; I know he loves me and that makes it so painful to feel the way I do. It would be easier if one of us didn’t exist.

    My wife suggested I write letters to him. Ill do that I guess but I need so much more than just that. I guess I am asking for suggestions.

  31. First of all I just want to say that I think it’s good when Christians can be real. Real with God and real with one another. But my comment is actually Re: “Not Complaining is Not Biblical” …Actually, IT IS, Matt. In 1 Corinthians 10 we find a sermonette given by the apostle Paul, in which he exhorts the Corinthians not to complain as the Israelites in the desert did, and were killed by the Angel of Death (Numbers 11:1-3). The International Standard Version says (1 Cor 10:10), “You must stop complaining, as some of them were doing, and were destroyed by the destroying angel.” I’m all for being real with God, but the BIBLE says that we shouldn’t complain or murmur, because biblically and historically SERIOUS consequences have ensued.

  32. I’m alone. Please pray for me. It would take forever to explain my situation and you would hate me if I did so I will only ask that you pray for me – the white washed tomb of the lost – please. I fear hell. I love the LORD but he hates me. I am so sorry ….. please no more pain :(

  33. I just came across your blog. Can’t wait to read your book. I had this exact experience this week. I yelled at God for not doing what I thought he should. I yelled my disappointments, my anger, my confusion, everything. I came to the end of my rope. I believe He is tough enough to handle my outburst, but its where I had to come to so He could take my weakness and replace it with his strength. It isn’t perfect but God lets us get it out, much like young children needing to be heard. I’m so thankful to my God for loving me enough to let me yell and be unfiltered before him. He wants all of us. I also learned to thank God in that moment of great struggle because it brought me closer to Him which was hard. But the safest place to be is in His care. Can’t wait to read more of your blog and your book!!