I genuinely enjoy election day.
I’m always inspired by going to my voting center and seeing a couple of small time local politicans handing out buttons and just seeing democracy work. It makes me proud. Not so much all the smear campaigns and TV ads, but election day itself is fun.
Now, I’ve never tried to be political with you on this blog, or even explicitly tell you where I stand. Though I’m personally really into politics, I’m not going to start now. But on the eve of another election day, I’ve got five thoughts, and I think everyone will find something to agree with me, and vehemently disagree with me on. Here we go.
What on earth is wrong with Glenn Beck?
Seriously, has he been diagnosed? What is his damage? I think I know what it is. He’s a giant crybaby vortex of contradiction. I know this, because I will admit, I actually listen to his show on the way to work.
The thing is, I think there are a lot of things that need to change about this country. That being said, Glenn Beck’s one and only ploy is to constantly announce the end of the whole freaking world. He’s incessantly talking about the whole country falling over cliffs and precipices (always in future tense). The real kicker is that this is all while he spouts more and more Jesus talk right along with his assurance that we’re all doomed. So while he tries harder and harder to be a prophet, he wants you to know that there really is no hope for the future. Way to be a giant crybaby vortex of contradiction.
His sponsors know he’s just a doomsday prophet too. Take a look at three actual random products advertised on Beck’s program:
Bomb Shelters: Yes, like the kind people built in the 50s. Have a premium bomb shelter installed, and get a handy-dandy portable “pinko traitor detector” FREE!
Freeze Dried Food Survival Packs: If you didn’t go ahead and get your survival pack in preparation for the horrible Y2K disaster, now’s the time!
Shady Gold Dealers: You’ll be thankful you traded in all your soon-to-be-worthless dollars for solid gold. Because when the world economy turns to dog feces and the illusion of “money” and “value” is permanently broken, taking a box full of gold bullion to the grocery store instead of money will surely not make you look stupid.
Jon Stewart is Glenn Beck’s evil twin
I like Stephen Colbert. He’s funny, even when he’s making fun of my point of view. But Jon Stewart’s show is a complete pile, built on the Bush years, when political satire didn’t exactly require talent or creativity. The whole point of Stewart’s rally last Saturday was to “restore sanity,” by trying to cool down the political venom in this country. That’s great, except why did it take Glenn Beck’s rally for him to think of this? I don’t remember him trying to restore sanity when the party of his obvious preference was out of power. Where was his rally when those mad as hell protesters were spending eight years on the street corners with posters of George W. with a Hitler mustache? No, that was perfectly “sane” and logical political debate. And so, Jon Stewart is also a giant vortex of contradiction so massive he is in danger of collapsing in on himself.
Stop saying the word “ideologue”
Even though I don’t like Jon Stewart, I do like the idea of everyone calming down and/or taking a Xanax. Step one, everyone stop using the word “idealogue” as if it’s an insult. Oh no, please don’t imply that I strongly advocate my own opinions and ideologies, rather than being a limp wristed jerk who doesn’t think for himself and just sticks his finger in the wind! People who try to win an argument by calling someone “ideologue” are like chimps trying to win by flinging poo at each other. Honorable mention to the people who use words like “partisan” and “real Americans.”
The Republicans need to win
But not because I have a ton of faith in them. I just think the government works best when it can’t get much done, because most of the government’s ideas are bad. I’m educated enough about history to acknowledge that America has needed both parties. We needed Lincoln, a Republican, to act decidedly un-Republican and take away the states’ right to secede. We needed Teddy Roosevelt to do a bunch of trustbusting. We needed Woodrow Wilson and Dwight Eisenhower and JFK and Ronald Reagan.
The problem is that whenever any party has control for too long, they screw it up. Remember, we just kicked the Republicans out four years ago because they screwed up. We did the same thing to the Dems in ’94. Neither party can be trusted on their own. It’s only when they really have to fight to get anything done that they choose what’s really important and things work out best for us.
Politicians are content to divide us…
…As long as we only care about our side winning. That’s the real reason for any insanity going on. We care more about making everyone believe that Sarah Palin is a braindead moron, or Barack Obama is a foreigner than we care about what’s really good for the country. And as long as we act that way, happy to have our itching ears scratched, politicians will be happy to oblige us while they don’t really do anything except try to not look stupid for the next election.
Those are my thoughts on this election eve. Feel free to agree with me or be wrong. Are you a fan of Beck or Stewart? Are the Republicans going to win because people love them, or are they going to win just to stop the Democrats? What does the country need right now? What other “insult” words are you tired of hearing?