Matt Talks to a Spambot

November 19, 2010

Happy Friday, humans!  I’ve got a very special guest for you today, and it happens to be my very first video blog post.

Ever since I traded blog platforms and stopped making you type annoying nonsense words to comment, I have been inundated with comments from spammers.  I literally get 3 spam comments for every comment you post.  Some are vulgar.  Others are insulting, like they’re just phoning it in with a list of Russian web links, and they expect me to be fooled.  Others have language so broken, it seems they were written by chimps.  But a few are truly, ridiculously memorable, and those make it all worth it.

My favorite spammer is Dolores, who I found out is actually human, a grandmother no less, on Facebook, and lives in my town!  She’s spammed everyone from Huffington Post to Matthew Paul Turner with irrelevant, blathering comments about “high tech aliens propagating humans” in such garbled language, it makes my head hurt.

Today, I have my first ever video post about my real life encounter with a spammer.  Yes, almost everything the spammer says is quoted from spam comments I’ve recieved.  Check it out, and then share your most memorable spam, or make up your own spam comment!

21 responses to Matt Talks to a Spambot

  1. One of these is spammier than the other. The spammier one is also more relevant.

  2. I don’t get a lot of spam, but I did have one a few months ago about a picture of me. The woman commented she could sell me jewelry that would go with my outfit. I wondered if that was meant as an insult about the necklace and earrings I was wearing in the picture…which I thought went pretty darn well with what I was wearing.

    My very first spam comment was from a woman who was posting about another blogger on every blog she could find, trying to get us to pass judgement on a woman in the midst of a high-risk pregnancy who chose not to travel for her father-in-law’s funeral.

    Whoever came up with the “delete” option did the world a great favor.
    Margaret @ Single and Sane recently posted..More Than We Can Imagine

  3. I just like how you said, “So you are saying you make $328,000 a year?”

    And she replies, “I could be all day here going into those details.”

    Jonathan Chang recently posted..236 Forgetting the cliff notes

  4. I finally changed my settings to exclude anonymous comments. Here’s the post I wrote about some stupid comments I kept getting:
    Karen, author of “My Funny Dad, Harry” recently posted..Fabulous Followers Gratitude Giveaway

  5. Excellent post, but I have to disagree on viewpoints that you mentioned. Maybe we can talk about it at later date. I will subscribe to your feeds but it is broken? Check out great butts at
    mo recently posted..168- Change a Life

  6. Dude…I laughed so hard I cried!!
    Jason recently posted..Video Blog 5- Justice and God

  7. I think your blog is coolsome very interesting views in your blog.

    Hi everyone, Can someone visit my site [tremendously offensive name based on a body part], and tell me if im on the right track? if you guys think i should change it. ill start a fresh on my site again. i need feedback thanks!

    Those were today’s spam comments on my post about pumpkins. Oh, and two that said:

    ????????????? ??????????? ?????? ??????????????????????????????????????????
    Steph recently posted..Pontificating on the power of pumpkin

  8. Because my wonderful sweetie installed Spam Karma on my blogs, I can happily ignore the multitude of spam messages I get. Most are simply ads anyway–nowhere near as funny and interesting as yours!

    I once clicked on a “you can make $$ online” ad and found that they were paying people to post advertising links on people’s blogs (I assume mostly in other countries, where the wage was worth their time). That explains a lot.

  9. Ah, that was hilarious. Most of the spam I’ve got in the last week has been gibberish links, but I have gotten some crazy ones before. Thankfully, 99% of them were caught in the filter. What a pain! I wonder if the people get paid if it doesn’t post on the site?
    jasonS recently posted..Light Friday Hit List- 11-19-10

  10. HA! This is hilarious! You win best post of the day by a mile. So funny, so true.
    eduClaytion recently posted..FFF- Thanksgiving Candy

  11. Got this one this morning: “I would like to comprehensible you for some of my website that can let the cat free from the valise.”

    Still, my fave is the dude who was kidnapped by the Russian mob (Viagra) and they are going to kill him (Viagra) if I don’t approve his comment. (Viagra)
    katdish recently posted..katdishionary- Part 11

  12. LOL! Excellent.

    I got some right-wing spam that other day. “Americans are so dumb they’d vote for a naked woman.”

    I had one guy, but I added the captcha code and he stopped. He kept trying to give me millions from a bank in Nigeria.
    David recently posted..Friday Geek Gifts for Kids

  13. I love this post! I also love these handbags….

  14. I don’t get many on my blog, but I get a lot via email. Lots of fake college diplomas, ads for certain medications and the good old nigerian scams.
    Joanna recently posted..Photos- Spring in the garden 3

  15. BAHahahaha!! I love it! Thanks for sharing! (Especially love the bit about ‘top quality topic issue’ What?! LOL Don’t worry… no need for ‘heading to explain’…
    Kimberly Dawn Rempel recently posted..Shedding

  16. Even if I could remember my most memorable spam, I know I could not repost it.
    Jason recently posted..My Weekly Update Via Twitter for 2010-12-12

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