Another Halloween is nearly upon us.
I’m not sure what it means that the most unholy day happens to fall on a Sunday this year. And to celebrate, I’m bringing you a very special Halloween episode of this blog. It’s pretty much on par with The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown. Okay, maybe not…but it’s at least twice as special as any Full House special, and that’s pretty good, because that entire show was “special”…in every sense of the word.
It seems a good idea with all the excitement in the air to take a moment and prepare so that you and your kids can have the best possible Halloween.
A guide to Halloween for protective parents…who are just negligent enough to let their kids participate in Halloween.
First, it’s important to find a great costume for your child. Children usually like to dress up as witches, Harry Potters, Disney characters, Presidents, and other offensive fictional characters that will put them in danger of invoking satan and going to hell. As a Christian parent, it’s your job to make sure your wee ones are in the world without being of the world, with an appropriately moral / lame costume…
Many of your daughters are tempted by pop culture to dress in too revealing clothing. Take this eight-year-old, for example…
If your daughter says this, it is the sound of you failing at life. You will soon find yourself appearing on an upcoming episode of Maury. Best to get some extra rolls of reflective tape, in case those pesky naughty bits need some extra coverage.
Next, if you have a teenager and a younger child around, it’s best to have the teen chaperone the child. It gives the siblings time for bonding, gives the older child responsibility, while the younger one gets to hang out with their big sibling they look up to, giving you time to dress up as a tinfoil burrito and go get some nearly free Chipotle without the kids…
Health is a big issue for our lazy children today. Honestly, trick-or-treating is probably the most exercise some of these kids will see all year before they return to laying prostrate in front of their televisions for the next 364 days. If you’re expecting trick-or-treaters, try handing out some healthier snacks. Kids will be excited to get something new and different, and you’ll be able to stealthily hoard the mini-Snickers your spouse purchased.
Finally, your child arrives home with a sack full of goodies. Remember, it’s important to carefully inspect the treats. Food that you suspect could be homemade or extra delicious should be picked out and kept for yourself…just in case.
With these simple steps, your family can enjoy a great Halloween! Be sure to head right to the store on November 1 to start your Christmas shopping!
Does your family do Halloween? Are you big into it? What are your kids going as this year? What was your typical costume when you were a child?