A Very Special Halloween Episode

October 29, 2010

Another Halloween is nearly upon us. 

I’m not sure what it means that the most unholy day happens to fall on a Sunday this year.  And to celebrate, I’m bringing you a very special Halloween episode of this blog.  It’s pretty much on par with The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown.  Okay, maybe not…but it’s at least twice as special as any Full House special, and that’s pretty good, because that entire show was “special”…in every sense of the word.

It seems a good idea with all the excitement in the air to take a moment and prepare so that you and your kids can have the best possible Halloween.

A guide to Halloween for protective parents…who are just negligent enough to let their kids participate in Halloween.

First, it’s important to find a great costume for your child.  Children usually like to dress up as witches, Harry Potters, Disney characters, Presidents, and other offensive fictional characters that will put them in danger of invoking satan and going to hell.  As a Christian parent, it’s your job to make sure your wee ones are in the world without being of the world, with an appropriately moral / lame costume…

Many of your daughters are tempted by pop culture to dress in too revealing clothing.  Take this eight-year-old, for example…

If your daughter says this, it is the sound of you failing at life.  You will soon find yourself appearing on an upcoming episode of Maury.  Best to get some extra rolls of reflective tape, in case those pesky naughty bits need some extra coverage.

Next, if you have a teenager and a younger child around, it’s best to have the teen chaperone the child.  It gives the siblings time for bonding, gives the older child responsibility, while the younger one gets to hang out with their big sibling they look up to, giving you time to dress up as a tinfoil burrito and go get some nearly free Chipotle without the kids…

Health is a big issue for our lazy children today.  Honestly, trick-or-treating is probably the most exercise some of these kids will see all year before they return to laying prostrate in front of their televisions for the next 364 days.  If you’re expecting trick-or-treaters, try handing out some healthier snacks.  Kids will be excited to get something new and different, and you’ll be able to stealthily hoard the mini-Snickers your spouse purchased.

Finally, your child arrives home with a sack full of goodies.  Remember, it’s important to carefully inspect the treats.  Food that you suspect could be homemade or extra delicious should be picked out and kept for yourself…just in case.

With these simple steps, your family can enjoy a great Halloween!  Be sure to head right to the store on November 1 to start your Christmas shopping!

Does your family do Halloween?  Are you big into it?  What are your kids going as this year?  What was your typical costume when you were a child?

25 responses to A Very Special Halloween Episode

  1. Hi Matt,

    Computer glitch would not let me comment this morning.



  2. Hi again,

    Well maybe it’s fixed.

    Doesn’t anybody get up early?

    Anyhow, at our house for years we have tried to make sure any trick-r-treaters get the very best packet of good things they will get anywhere on Halloween.

    We fill Ziploc bags with large candy bars, hard candy, spider rings, rubberband animals, crayons and color books on bike safety, flying gliders shaped like dragons or airplanes, costume jewelry, puzzles, coupons for milkshakes etc., pencils, gum eyeballs–and two evangelistic comic books.

    As an outside display visible from the street, we hang a skeleton, vultures, etc. with signage to illustrate the phrase from Psalm 23; The Valley Of The Shadow of Death… I will fear no evil because You, Lord, are with me”.

    Ginny and I set up a lighted table at the end of our drive to greet visitors. We sip coffee, smoke, chat with neighbors, and enjoy a pleasant evening.

    Costs virtually nothing. Great fun. Chance to meet neighbors. Relaxing. Chance for a tiny bit of Christian witness.

    We’ve done this for 25+ years with no adverse experiences yet. Not unusual for people who’ve moved away from our neighborhood to drive their kids back to our house to pick up the goody bags.

    Hey, if they are going to show up at our door, we want them to have a chance to at least think about Christ in a positive context associated with good treats.

    Just a small, low-key, attempt to claim the night for the Lord.

  3. I think the best part of the entire thing is the last kid dressed up as Homestar Runner… BEST. COSTUME. EVER. (next to strongbad of course)

  4. Our kid is on the way, so Halloween starts next year :)
    mo recently posted..Blood or Grace- AR School Board

  5. Does your family do Halloween? Yes and no. Most of the churches I have attended over the years simply had an alternative; a harvest party with either no, or non-demonic costumes. It was mostly because it didn’t center around a biblical event. When I first became a Christian (1978), the local Satanists did animal sacrifices at a CT State Park, Devil’s Hopyard. It just didn’t seem very innocent. My kids have/now participate with some rules.

    Are you big into it? Not at all. We open our door to the neighbor kids, give out candy and invite them to our annual Christmas Open House. You can’t love your neighbor if you never meet them – and rarely is anyone out in the yard during daylight hours – us included.

    What are your kids going as this year? Jessie from Toy Story 3. I hope the rest are too old.

    What was your typical costume when you were a child? A lion, tube of toothpaste, the God Father, Jim Morrison… back in the day when you made costumes. As I think about it, it makes me glad I am not running for office.
    David recently posted..5 1-2 Christian Costumes – Its a Halloween Miracle!

  6. You put a kid in a Homestar costume. That officially makes this the best Halloween post ever.
    Alise recently posted..What I Missed Not Growing Up Fundie

  7. We participate in Halloween but do not celebrate it. I remind my kids that it is really the Devil’s holiday and so our job is to be light in the darkness. In our old neighborhood, I would buy the individually packaged M&M cookies from Sams and put Bible verses on them. I tried with delicious, variety packs with Bible verses in the past, but my husband only passed out one piece per kid, making us look like the stingy Christians. One year, I also carved a cross in a pumpkin with the words “He lives” on it. Then I would hang out at the neighbors around their fire pit and chat and eat for the last time before everyone hibernated for the winter. In my new neighborhood, I have been totally apathetic, which will probably change at some point in time. We currently live in a Mormon neighborhood and they are not allowed to do anything on Sunday because it is a day of rest, so I am not sure what will happen here on this Halloween. My husband and I are going out on a date, which should be ‘interesting.’

    My kids can’t dress up as evil and/or dead characters. I also hate spending money on costumes that won’t get worn again, so we do a lot of homemade costumes that usually can be converted back into wearable clothes with more or less success. Last year, we had a horse, a pterydactyl , a princess, and a cowboy. This year, we will have a couple of modestly dressed Senoritas, a Napoleanic foot soldier, and a gaucho because we are having an end of the unit study/costume party. Today. Which means I have to get busy.

  8. We usually go to the Harvest party at church. Which is fun for the kids. We’re not really big into it.

    Chloe is going as a cat and Caleb is going as a dog. Nothing too fancy.

    Jonathan Chang recently posted..233 Going back into the cave

  9. Funny, except… CAN THE REST OF THE COUNTRY STOP PICKING ON JERSEY, PLEASE! WE DON’T ALL DRESS LIKE THAT! Now excuse me while I clip in my bump-it and prepare to fist pump…
    Alisha recently posted..Its Confirmed- Mariah Carey is Pregnant Now Leave Her Alone

  10. Dude. That was a riot. I love he cartoons!

    We didnt really have any Halloween traditions. We lived in the country so actually Trick or Treating was out considering the neighbors were 1.7 miles away. We did the typical church “Harvest” party and that was about it.

    Keep up the good work!

  11. Up until this year, we have lived in the booneys and did NO trick-or-treating, or had people to our house. We went to church for “trunk or treat”, and that was it.

    This year, however, we moved to a “neighborhood,” so this will be the kids’ first opportunity to trick or treat “for real,” and we’ll be passing out candy. My son’s gonna be a transformer, and my daughter super-girl. (My husband’s gonna be a pirate when he answers the door)

    Not sure how I feel about Halloween. This is the first year I’ve really had to think about it – and I’m not done 😉
    Joanne Sher recently posted..Finds for Fridays- October 29- 2010

  12. “Very special” indeed, Matt. :) We’re having our halloween carnival tonight at church for the kids. Looking forward to it.
    jasonS recently posted..Light Friday Hit List- 10-29-10

  13. I just can’t begin to describe the beauty of this post. It was like TheOatmeal mixed with Hyperbole And A Half mixed awesome. Plus Homestar Runner made an appearance making this the greatest Halloween blog post I’ve ever read.

    This Halloween I’ll be passing out candy while trying not to miss a single pitch of the World Series.
    Bobby_k recently posted..Halloween

  14. I need to talk to my teenager…

    Thanks Matt!
    Tony C recently posted..You can put a cat in an ovenbut that dont make it a biscuit

  15. I LOVE Halloween and miss trick-or-treating with my younger siblings. For a while mom coordinated our costumes – Mr. and Mrs. Noah with ark of stuffed animals; fire fighter and nurses; Johnny Appleseed and apple tree. Then we started Catholic school and got into the “All Saint’s Eve” spirit. We never did scary or demonic stuff, just had fun carving pumpkins and eating candy. For the Christians and non-Christians I know, that’s all Halloween is.

    My BF, on the other hand, grew up thinking Halloween was empty paganism at best and satanic at worst. Sometimes his family went to All Saints gatherings, other years they turned off the porch light and prayed the rosary in the back room. He’s reluctantly more tolerant of Halloween festivities now, but has never worn a costume. I’m not sure how our spiritual differences on this will pan out in the future.
    Sarah recently posted..Deadlines

  16. Hello there! I understand this is kind of off topic but I was questioning if you knew where I could get a captcha plugin for my comment form? I am utilizing exactly the same weblog platform as yours and I’m getting trouble finding one? Thanks a great deal!

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