Best of My Blog: Free XXX Christian Porn!

June 25, 2010

Today, I’m wrapping up my countdown of the best posts from my blog.  Today’s post continues to garner the my blog the most Google searches.  Something about the copious use of the word “porn.”  Anyway, it’s one of my favorites, but I’m truly sorry for all the people who have mistakenly come to my blog when they wanted something else.  This post originally appeared September of 2009.

First, if you’re looking for porn, I apologize, because there will be a lot of you who will be disappointed. You can’t use this stuff. It’s too hard, too weird, too unnatural for anyone’s deviant taste. This porn is only for Christians. If you’re not into the freaky religious stuff, you’ll be disappointed and probably grossed out, making it impossible to enjoy any other porn for the rest of the day.

But if you’re a Christian, have I got something for you. Christians don’t like porn, (except for the millions who secretly do like porn.) But I’ve got the best porn for Christians. This thought came to me when a reader was soliciting suggestions for blogging topics. They stipulated “no Joel Osteen and no porn.” And naturally, I put the two in the same box…

Four Reasons the Prosperity Gospel is Christian Porn

It’s Addictive

Porn is one hard drug. Like alcohol, nicotine, or gambling, or hard drugs, it’s hard to break a porn habit once it’s started. First, because most porn addicts don’t want to admit they have a problem. But even if they do, even if they resolve with all their might not to go back to porn, they still go back in a moment of weakness.

Prosperity gospels are like that. Most addicts are in the phase where they don’t realize they’re an addict, or that they’re even using a drug. That’s how subtle it is. But a prosperity gospel gives the user a high that few things can match. They leave church feeling orgasmically great about themselves – like everything is possible! And they’ll keep coming back, again and again for that completely victorious high.

It’s Diminishing

That’s the awful thing about addictions. The amazing substance you’re addicted to gradually loses its pleasure. An addict needs more, stronger, harder stuff to get the same pleasure. That’s called the law of diminishing returns.

I just wonder how many prosperity addicts pause in the middle of the show they’re panting over and realize that it doesn’t stack up to real life. In fact, the more promises those pastors make, the more promises are broken! The longer one listens to prosperity gospels, the less fulfilling it actually is! They need more promises to satisfy their fetish because the promises so rarely come through!

But prosperity is addicting because it diminishes. No matter how much you have, there’s always the promise of more. Just like a porn addict satisfies the craving and swears it’ll be the last time ever. There’s always a next time, a new promise of pleasure.

Maybe the prosperity gospel was never meant to come true, just provide a daily escape into fantasy. The promise is more arousing than reaching the actual goal.

It’s Easy

Porn is super easy, in more than one way. It’s so much easier to fulfill your own fantasies than try to fulfill someone else’s. No one ever says how much dang work sex is. And porn is also easier to get than ever. In fact, we can thank the relentless pursuit of porn for pushing technology forward in the pursuit of easiness. From movie screens to VHS to DVD to the internet, the many temporarily-satisfied porn customers have been at the forefront of new technological convenience.  Mark my words: 3D will become the norm in household entertainment, if the porn industry gets behind it.

The thousands of prosperity users are the platform to push the prosperity gospel into mainstream Christianity, like a new super crisp 3D gospel. It’s so much easier to follow a prosperity gospel than actually do what Jesus taught. There was nothing convenient about Jesus. In fact, I can think of several ways my life would be easier if I weren’t a Christian. But a fulfilling walk with Christ demands committment to his words. Just like a fulfilling marriage requires the hard work of figuring what makes your partner tick, and not just yourself.

It’s Cheap

Porn cheapens people. It reduces them to a grab-bag of body parts that will do whatever you want, and enjoy it too. For an internet subscription, or a few bucks, you can use someone for your own purposes. It really is cheap!

Prosperity gospels cheapen God. It changes a user’s perception of reality. Faith is only the carrot to get God to do all the things we lust after. That’s a really original idea, except it’s what people have been trying to do since the beginning of time, like putting Him on stage and throwing dollar bills at Him for a performance. It exchanges truth for an arousing image and a cheap thrill. How about faith when God doesn’t do any of the things you would like? That’s expensive, inconvenient faith.

There’s nothing more convenient, addicting and cheap than living in America with ridiculous amounts of wealth, healthcare, food and possessions, then looking at a preacher in a book or a glowing screen or a stage while pleasuring yourself with the idea that God wants you to have more.

More? More money! More prosperity! Oh, God, yes! Yes! YES! Hallelujah!

What say you? What other ways can you think to compare prosperity gospels to any other drug?  I’ll be back next Monday with a fresh post.  I know, I’ve missed you too.  Same time, same place!

18 responses to Best of My Blog: Free XXX Christian Porn!

  1. The use, abuse and manipulation with money in the church has always been there. Paul worked as a tent maker so that his witness of Christ would be pure in Corinth. Ananias and Saphira had some trouble of their own. Add to that the indulgences of the Dark Ages and now; a gospel that is attractive because we get something other than salvation and the love of God from it. There is nothing new under the sun.

    That said, it is a fact about 90+% of American Christians do not tithe – even the ones with flat screen TVs, bass boats and 2 new cars in the driveway. Apparently not everyone is buying the prosperity lie.

    True giving must come from our passion for Jesus, the love of the His Kingdom and a desire to meet the needs of those in our sphere of influence.

    Another factoid I found some time back was the fact that over 60% of Christian men look at pornography that had a computer in a room with a door. The study subsequently found that of the men who were married in this group, they also had a TV in the bedroom and claimed that their sex life was less than adequate.

    I think we need less prosperity, not more.

  2. I rarely make it through prosperity gospel types on TV, so I don’t have much to add here but I am considering watching Osteen as a challenge. I had his show on a couple of weeks ago, and it was the first time ever that I made it through the whole 30 minutes. It wasn’t what he was saying that kept me from changing the channel – it was what he didn’t say – the name of Jesus. He talked about God a lot, and how God wants us to be happy and fulfilled, but nothing about Jesus and salvation.

    So over the last couple of weeks, I’ve been thinking that I’m going to start watching ol’ Joel to see how long it takes to hear the name of Jesus. So whether it’s going to be like watching a train wreck, or watching porn, I don’t know but I suspect it’ll be like watching the same sermon over and over and over again.

  3. Your post starts with a tillitating title to be sure. And the prosperity gospel stinks to the highest heavens. But porn is porn. And many in the church are addicted to it. I am privleged to know a pastor who admitted it, cleaned up and updates the people every now and then about his struggle. Christians unfortunately do like porn.

  4. Randomly bumped into your site through networked blogs and found this post. Considering I’ve done a two-post post on this topic I found this a good read. I never thought of comparing prosperity with porn but the concept is the same. Money/prosperity always makes you want more money/prosperity and never makes you want more of God. I’ll be keeping an eye on your blog, hope you find a new job soon.


  5. I will have to agree that your introduction is quite intriguing. Though I have to admire your effort towards the advocacy of halting the increasing number of porn addicts. With that, you have my support. Well done indeed, continue the good job.

  6. Just found your blog tonight. Very well written post. I have family members who have very nearly bankrupted themselves in several ways due to this Christian porn.

  7. I think this an amzaing blog. This may be as addicting as porn! You made a very compelling argument. I will be visting your blog from time to time.

  8. Hello Matty,

    Jesus was poor and homeless. Go and do likewise.

    • CSeesStraight June 14, 2012 at 8:38 pm

      you are fucking retarded. im a christian and your reply is still fucking retardedddd

  9. Great post. I’ve been living on the road for six months seeking God in the streets outside of the church. He was evermore present in homes, in the mountains, and on city streets than He was in the churches I attended while traveling. Because so much of what you are talking about here is exactly what is being preached today. Thanks for writing this post. I look forward to reading more.

  10. all things are conditioned, the finest of the condition is cleaniness. so choose health hygiene and legal prosperity through the church, the cleanest of all the secular arts. all science and arts are secular. nothing will be above the law.
    nor spiritual nor tangible. simple choose high moral help save
    all the arts so you can make joyful noise fun raise and raise funds to happily and safe and secure with decent rappores to resolve anything and continue working to save the goodness of god and all creativity. love for ever.

  11. Jesus is our savior

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