Love Month: Five Love Questions

February 22, 2010

Love Month is coming to a close.  And not a moment too soon, as all this mushiness was making me ill. 

But before we cap things off, I thought I’d ask you a few questions about love (and chime in myself.)  As a certified* love specialist*, people are always* asking me about my opinions and experiences of relationships. 

*Matt is not “certified” as a love specialist, nor do people ever ask him about his opinions or experiences in relationships.

You can pick one or answer all of them.  Most of them, you can probably even answer if you’re single too.

Five Questions About Love and Marriage

When did you start dating? 

My parents had a sort-of rule that my brother and I didn’t need to be dating until we were sixteen.  But to be honest, that rule wasn’t really necessary.  I wasn’t exactly a ladies man.  I was more of a girly boy.  I was a wimpy kid.  So after buying a car, getting a job, and having a couple of failed attempts at dating, I had a girlfriend at age seventeen, and somehow didn’t have money anymore.

For those of you who are disciples of Joshua Harris, how’s that working out for you?

Did you (or do you) have a list of things you want in a spouse?

I never made a list of things I wanted in a wife, except for the most basic of things.  She had to be a Christian, and she had to still have all her teeth.  After a simple trip to church and the dentist, we were good to go.  Check and check!

A lot of people are more goal oriented today then they used to be.  They have Blackberries that remind them of their appointments.  They have “five year plans,” whatever that’s supposed to accomplish.  People often makes lists of things they want in a life partner.  Then they go try to find someone who fulfills their priorities.

A lot of speed dating services have people fill out a list of “must haves” for their dates.  People list things like “sense of humor” or “great smile” and other vague descriptions of perfect people.  Then the people are set loose on a barrage of blind dates, and they write down the names of the people they want to see again.

Guess what the speed dating services found out?  People don’t know what they want.  People say they want this and that, and then some loveboat comes along with none of the things they wrote down, and they fall in love anyway.

The mind really doesn’t know what the heart wants.

So if you didn’t have a list, how did you know your partner was the one?

I don’t know.  I don’t really believe in love at first sight.  Most women who a man would “fall in love with” at first sight are actually really annoying.  Same for the super-hunky men.  It’s not good for someone’s personality to know they’re really hot.  I thought my wife was cute the first time I saw her.  I guess when we dated a year and she didn’t dump me, or turn out to be a screeching hyena like the previous girl, I felt pretty safe.

Which of your habits annoys your partner the most (or might annoy your future spouse, if you’re single)?

My wife is the best thing that’s ever happened to me.  So it really hurts when the best thing that ever happened to me starts yelling at me to put away my laundry.  I’d like to be a better man, really!  But I also really hate laundry.  I have no problem washing it, drying it, and setting it on a table in the basement, where it is conveniently waiting for me in random, wrinkled piles.  My wife doesn’t think it’s such a good system.

But whenever my sweetie starts getting on my case, I just walk through the house and turn off about ten lights.  Somehow, she’s mastered the technique of flipping a switch up, but can’t quite figure out the “down” part.

Who do you know that’s divorced?

It’s been really weird going through my twenties.  First, everyone went through the “get married” phase.  That got tiresome.  Then a bunch of people started having babies.  Good for them.  Now I’m just starting to see some people my age get divorced, which is super weird.  At least it doesn’t require a gift.

I’m one of those really weird cases of my folks splitting up, and even saying they were getting divorced, but after a couple of years, they were back together.  I don’t know how they did it, but I respect them for it.

I don’t like to talk about divorce in church because I know there’s people who I would never guess are divorced.  I think people know it hurt them enough without me telling them it was wrong.  I think even though God doesn’t like divorce, He also fixes people that have made even bigger messes.  So I don’t really think people who get remarried are “adulterers.”

So chime in.  When did you start dating?  Did you have a “must have” list for a spouse?  How did you know he/she was the one?  What do you do to annoy your spouse?  Who do you know that’s divorced?