In preparation for my job interview today, I’ve been reading up on lots of common interview questions.  This way, I can think of really good answers.  Questions like:

Why do you want this job?
Answer:  So I can save up enough money to buy a cropdusting plane and pursue my lifelong dream.

So where do you see yourself in five years?
Answer:  The cropdusting plane, yep.  I like to set high but achievable goals for myself.

How would you describe yourself?
Answer:  Three words.  Hard-working, alpha-male, jackhammer.  Insatiable.  Merciless.

What is your biggest weakness?
Answer:  I have a weakness for Reese’s Pieces. 

The biggest lesson I’ve learned however, is the importance of the resume.  And in today’s tough job market, it’s important to stand out from the pack.  Please follow Doogie Howser’s advice in the video and make yourself an equally awesome video resume. 

If you’re on a feed reader, you may have to click this link if the clip isn’t embedded below.

Tell me you wouldn’t hire someone with a resume like that.  Anyone ever had any weird interview questions that you didn’t know how to answer?  What are your biggest strengths and weaknesses that have made you a valuable employee?

I have a job interview on Friday.

That’s got me all keyed up on making a good first impression.  I asked everyone on Twitter last night, “What’s your best tip for nailing a job interview.” 

The most popular response was, “Be yourself.”  That was then amended with, “Be yourself, as long as you aren’t a jerk.”  I’ll try to remember that, thank you.

I think the official timeframe to make first impressions is something like seven seconds.  I’ve been trying to figure out how I’m going to list all my amazing qualities in the first seven seconds of the interview.  But it also got me thinking about all the awkward meetings and bad first impressions I’ve recieved from other people.  So I thought I’d help you the next time you need to nail a job interview, ask a beautiful person for a date, or impress me the first time we meet.

Three Ways You Can Impress Me


Put some clothes on, for crying out loud!
No, your ripped jeans and soiled muscle shirt do not count, unless you are attending a Kevin Federline impersonation contest.  And if you are, I have nothing to say to you.  Now, I love casual days at work.  But has it struck anyone that a lot of people don’t know how to dress up anymore?  I never, never have to be worried about being underdressed when I go out in public. 

Every once in a while, like on anniversaries, I’ll take my wife out for a fancy dinner, and we’ll dress up.  It’s fun because we like to pretend once a year that we are high society.  Without fail, we’ll be at our restaurant of choice, only to be seated next to some hipster who must think he’s at Golden Corral, with his ill-fitting skinny jeans trying to hide his butt and a stocking cap perched precariously on the back of his head in the middle of July.

Okay, that totally sounded like a crotchety old man yelling at the teenagers on his lawn.  But then there’s this: I did a funeral last year.  Everyone dressed up.  Well except the cousins who showed up after the whole deal was over.  They were sporting their best funeral cut off shorts and armless T-shirts.  And whatever aftershave he was wearing smelled as if it was made with bits of real panther, but not in a good way.  I felt bad that a grown man didn’t know what was acceptable for a funeral. 

For real.  You probably don’t have to dress up more than twice a year.  But make sure you can if you need to.

Don’t make me touch that
There is nothing more disheartening then dealing with someone who doesn’t know how to shake hands.  It literally ruins my day.  This is baffling to me, as there is probably nothing we get more practice at then handshaking.  It’s not like it’s dunking a basketball.  Why be a failure at something you’ll do for the rest of your life?   

Guys, if meeting me makes you sweaty, wipe your hands off.  Don’t grab my fingers before I have a chance to grip your whole hand.  That makes it look like I’m the one who doesn’t know how to shake hands.  You do have bones in your hand, right?  Because it feels like tapioca pudding.  I don’t shake hands with tapioca pudding.  I eat it as a delicious snack.  My grandma has a firmer handshake then you, and she has late-stage osteoporosis.  That baby over there covered her hand in spittle before shaking my hand, and it was better than yours.  Look at me son!  Don’t look at my shoes!  My dog looks at my feet when he shakes my hand, and his paw isn’t nearly as sweaty as yours!

Are you going to say something?
I’m here to help you.  There are so many people who just do not know the art of conversation.  I cannot tell you how many times I’ve been talking with a new acquaintance…

…I’ll ask them what they do.  They answer in three words…then silence.  I’ll ask them how they got into it, something open ended that should encourage dialogue.  They answer in two words…silence…

If you don’t think you’re that interesting, but you don’t want awkward silence, then either pretend you’re an Olympic curling champion, or ask me a question.  I’m a very interesting person, as you will find out.  I am very important.  I have many leather bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany. 

Having a conversation is really easy because everyone talks about the same things: work, home, hobbies.  A good conversationalist hardly says anything about himself because he’s too busy acting enthralled with his new friend’s life.  Everyone thinks you’re really friendly when you ask a lot of questions because they think you’re interested in them!  (It is better if you are sincere.)

When I’m confronted with a bad converser, I end up struggling to fill the silence, which is awkward and it makes me look like the bad talker.  I should just wait for the other person to respond, even if we stand there all night in silence.

Those are my top three things.  What about you?  What bad habits do people have that ruin the first impression for you?  What are your secrets for making a good first impression, or nailing a job interview every time?

Love Month is coming to a close.  And not a moment too soon, as all this mushiness was making me ill. 

But before we cap things off, I thought I’d ask you a few questions about love (and chime in myself.)  As a certified* love specialist*, people are always* asking me about my opinions and experiences of relationships. 

*Matt is not “certified” as a love specialist, nor do people ever ask him about his opinions or experiences in relationships.

You can pick one or answer all of them.  Most of them, you can probably even answer if you’re single too.

Five Questions About Love and Marriage

When did you start dating? 

My parents had a sort-of rule that my brother and I didn’t need to be dating until we were sixteen.  But to be honest, that rule wasn’t really necessary.  I wasn’t exactly a ladies man.  I was more of a girly boy.  I was a wimpy kid.  So after buying a car, getting a job, and having a couple of failed attempts at dating, I had a girlfriend at age seventeen, and somehow didn’t have money anymore.

For those of you who are disciples of Joshua Harris, how’s that working out for you?

Did you (or do you) have a list of things you want in a spouse?

I never made a list of things I wanted in a wife, except for the most basic of things.  She had to be a Christian, and she had to still have all her teeth.  After a simple trip to church and the dentist, we were good to go.  Check and check!

A lot of people are more goal oriented today then they used to be.  They have Blackberries that remind them of their appointments.  They have “five year plans,” whatever that’s supposed to accomplish.  People often makes lists of things they want in a life partner.  Then they go try to find someone who fulfills their priorities.

A lot of speed dating services have people fill out a list of “must haves” for their dates.  People list things like “sense of humor” or “great smile” and other vague descriptions of perfect people.  Then the people are set loose on a barrage of blind dates, and they write down the names of the people they want to see again.

Guess what the speed dating services found out?  People don’t know what they want.  People say they want this and that, and then some loveboat comes along with none of the things they wrote down, and they fall in love anyway.

The mind really doesn’t know what the heart wants.

So if you didn’t have a list, how did you know your partner was the one?

I don’t know.  I don’t really believe in love at first sight.  Most women who a man would “fall in love with” at first sight are actually really annoying.  Same for the super-hunky men.  It’s not good for someone’s personality to know they’re really hot.  I thought my wife was cute the first time I saw her.  I guess when we dated a year and she didn’t dump me, or turn out to be a screeching hyena like the previous girl, I felt pretty safe.

Which of your habits annoys your partner the most (or might annoy your future spouse, if you’re single)?

My wife is the best thing that’s ever happened to me.  So it really hurts when the best thing that ever happened to me starts yelling at me to put away my laundry.  I’d like to be a better man, really!  But I also really hate laundry.  I have no problem washing it, drying it, and setting it on a table in the basement, where it is conveniently waiting for me in random, wrinkled piles.  My wife doesn’t think it’s such a good system.

But whenever my sweetie starts getting on my case, I just walk through the house and turn off about ten lights.  Somehow, she’s mastered the technique of flipping a switch up, but can’t quite figure out the “down” part.

Who do you know that’s divorced?

It’s been really weird going through my twenties.  First, everyone went through the “get married” phase.  That got tiresome.  Then a bunch of people started having babies.  Good for them.  Now I’m just starting to see some people my age get divorced, which is super weird.  At least it doesn’t require a gift.

I’m one of those really weird cases of my folks splitting up, and even saying they were getting divorced, but after a couple of years, they were back together.  I don’t know how they did it, but I respect them for it.

I don’t like to talk about divorce in church because I know there’s people who I would never guess are divorced.  I think people know it hurt them enough without me telling them it was wrong.  I think even though God doesn’t like divorce, He also fixes people that have made even bigger messes.  So I don’t really think people who get remarried are “adulterers.”

So chime in.  When did you start dating?  Did you have a “must have” list for a spouse?  How did you know he/she was the one?  What do you do to annoy your spouse?  Who do you know that’s divorced? 

Want to be my friend?

Maybe it’s because I’m a little introverted.  I’ve always been slow to make friends.  And although I had built up a rather large list of friends during college, I’ve found my list of friends whittled down over the last few years to a handful of close confidants.

To complicate things, I’ve discovered that in the adult world, there is no established system for a grown man to make new friends.  When we were kids, it was easy.  A kid could earn a whole classroom full of friends if he could get his parents to throw one awesome birthday party.

But in life after birthday parties, making friends is more difficult.  Without built-in friends at your dormitory, or the friends you paid for in your frat or sorority, it’s easy to find yourself suddenly alone on a Friday night.

I’m in my late twenties.  I have a house, a stable job, and I’m happily married.  It just seemed time to go on a quest to make a new BFF.  Yes, I was looking to start a bromance.  I admit, I’m a little rusty, as it’s been a while since I’ve played the field and I needed help.  So the first thing I asked myself was, “Who knows a lot about meeting men?”  I consulted the latest issue of Cosmopolitan.

Armed with the latest guy-finding tips from Cosmo, I had high hopes.  Unfortunately, my quest for a new friend quickly went downhill.  While I’d have liked to have produced my own personal list of “best places to find a guy who will be your friend forever,” what I produced was quite the opposite.

Five Worst Places to Start a Bromance
The Gym
The first place Cosmo sent me looking was the gym.  This seemed promising, as you’re sure to find plenty of dudes at the gym.  So I put on my best sweat pants, wore some extra Old Spice, and I was sure to count really loudly every time I lift some weights (starting at 1,000) so the other dudes would be sufficiently impressed with my manly physique. 

Well I did meet a couple of guys, but they didn’t seem too interested in making friends.  I even offered to be their spotter, even though they were lifting way too much for me.  Just as I was suggesting they ease up on the weights and go for tone, not bulk, some yoga girl starts blowing up my spot!  It was pretty obvious I had called dibs on making these two guys my friends.  I pointed out that I was at least stronger than her, and therefore a better spotter, but to no avail.  The only other guy there was an octagenarian in a VFW sweatshirt who was also lifting way too much weight for me to spot him.

I’ll spare you the details of the rest of the day, but let’s just say it is impossible for potential friends to make a good first impression on me in the locker room.

The Park
Okay, so the gym was a total bust.  But we recently had some nice weather, and I knew where everyone would be going – the park.  I even had a secret weapon – my very adorable dog.  Seriously, my dog is irresistable to potential new friends…or so I thought.  I’m at the park with the dog, ready to meet someone, and what do I find?  Everyone came to the park already coupled up, holding hands like a dang romantic comedy!  And the guys that were alone were just sitting in their cars for some reason.  I don’t know what that was about, but they seemed very anti-social.

One guy did talk to me, but it was just to point out that I needed to clean up after my dog.  Well if that’s your icebreaker, sir, good day to you.

A Sports Bar
After the crushing disappointment of the park, I decided it was time for drastic measures.  After all, my mother has started quizzing me on my lack of friends, and I’m starting to worry I’m going to be a lonely old man, (except for my wife.)  So I picked a local sports bar, and hit the town. 

I quickly realized that to a group of superfans at a sports bar, I’m like a girl, but not the kind of girl you’re not happy to see at a sports bar.  I know I’m not exactly the most “sporty” guy around.  In fact, I probably couldn’t contribute anything to any conversation about sports.  But those guys looked at me like I was a librarian!  Well excuse me, I didn’t know that bringing books to a sports bar is just no longer socially acceptable.  That’s the last time I go to Buffalo Wild Wings.

An Airplane
I did have a serendipitous meeting with a very charming seatmate on an airplane recently.  We had a positively enchanting conversation.  And wouldn’t you know it, we had the same flight back too!  I’m not making this up.  Sadly, he lives a state away, and I decided I couldn’t handle the distance.  C’est la vie.

Craigslist
Somehow, making flyers to paper my neighborhood seemed like a lame friend finding method, to all my neighbors.  Let me tell you, it is a lot of work to sum up why you’d make a good friend, and what you’re looking for in a friend.  At least with Craigslist, it’s less walking then distributing flyers door to door.  So now I play the waiting game…

And if this doesn’t work, I’ve got 300 raffle tickets at just $10.00 a piece.  First prize: a “friends-night-out” with me. 

What’s your friends list looked like lately?  Are you good at making friends?  Do you wish you had more friends, or do you find yourself with not enough time for your friends?  How long have you had your best friends, and how did you meet? 

You’re old enough now to know what I’m talking about.  Trust me, this is just as uncomfortable for me as it is for you.  But I’d rather you heard it from me than in the locker room.

A lot of churches in America have a sudden interest in sex.  Suddenly, they’re throwing off the shackles of old-fashioned prudery and making sure that all good Christians are getting it on. 

The problem for churches is, all the wrong people are getting it on.

Although churches want to be hip and edgy and “relevant” by featuring sex talks, they’d rather the kids in the youth group simply avert their eyes and ears and not do that really fun thing that all the adults are talking about.  But they are.  It’s peculiar, like how parents spend the first four years of a child’s life talking to him about poop, and then chastise him when he talks about poop as a five-year-old. 

It’s really hard to convince married adults that sex is awesome while convincing their children that sex is terrible, and they’ll be much cooler if they’re virgins like the Jonas Brothers (well, not anymore.)  Everyone knows that a lot of American teenagers, both Christian and non-Christian are getting all kinds of pre-marital funky. 

It’s easy for pastors and parents to find something to blame for all this undue shaking of groove-things.  The internet is evil.  Porn is everywhere.  Girls have words printed on their butts.  Lady GaGa’s songs are too catchy.  Abercrombie turns kids into hookers.  Public school sex ed has live, coed demos of condom use as the final test. (Which they don’t, but don’t try to convince some homeschooling parents otherwise.)

Know what I think?  I think the church doesn’t know what to think about sex.
It seems like a simple enough thing to figure out.  But I think the church can’t even figure out what it really truly thinks about sex, much less how to tell teenagers that it’s evil and wrong and they’ll destroy their lives if they do it.  Even though some pastors want to make church sexier, the church is still pretty lame when it comes to the subject.  I can’t remember the last time I heard a pastor give a really convincing reason to not have pre-marital sex.  Apparently, most teenagers haven’t heard a good one either, because even the sacred bond of their virginity pledges isn’t strong enough to hold them back.  The rest of us didn’t need a “pledge”…somewhat because there were no takers anyway.

Yes, it’s really hard to get virgins to think it’s cool to be virgins.  But even if a pastor can come up with a top ten list of reasons it’s awesome to be a virgin, no one can agree on where the line is.  Which base is still “virgin” territory?  Some people don’t even kiss until their wedding day.  These are important questions to teens who are anxious to try out their new public school sex ed skills.

Then you throw in words like…masturbation, and all bets are off.  No one knows what to do about that one.  I’ve heard pastors say it’s perfectly natural, and others who say it’s a form of homosexual behavior, subject to all the hellfire of Sodom.  If you’ve never heard that one, let it sink in.  Seems like the most logical Christian compromise would be to say that it’s natural and healthy to…masturbate…but just to be safe, you should feel guilty anyway, because you will indeed go blind and a kitten dies everytime you do it.

Most pastors paint a picture of “God’s plan” for love, which naturally is sex between a married couple.  Of course, very little of how we live today is God’s original plan.  Sure, Mary was a virgin.  (I think Joseph had to have been a virgin too.)  But they were teenagers.  Maybe Joseph was 20.  They were ready to get married and start having babies because their bodies said they were ready.  Their bodies didn’t tell them to live with their parents until they were 18, and then spend four years getting an education, and then get a soul-crushing career to pay for their exhorbitant education costs, and then date someone seriously for two or more years, and then get married and then have babies a full ten to fifteen years after their bodies first wanted to have babies.

Today, getting married right after college is a wee bit soon for many people.  Getting married during college is totally abnormal, and getting married right after high school is major life FAIL to most people. 

Young adults have an uphill battle to climb in “saving themselves” and it has as much to do with our culture’s extended childhood, and our desire for money, as it does with the evils of the internet.  And you know, I don’t hear a lot of pastors echoing Paul’s encouragement to go ahead and get married rather then “burn.”  Once you start marrying teenagers, people tend to mistake you for an insane cult.  But until we start marrying kids off at age 15 again, I think we’re going to have Christian fornication.

What’s the answer?  I don’t know.  Quit being lame about sex, I guess.  Come up with concrete answers and convincing reasons to avoid sex.  Pastors think the adults are the ones in need of sex ed, but I think the adults with kids probably already know what they’re doing – hence, the kids.  Do we teach kids “don’t do it, but if you do, be safe?”  If you’re a parent, do you think you’ve done a good job at the “talk?”  Are your kids still virgins?  I’m sure they’ll love you broadcasting such information.

On Sunday, we had church at the airport.

To some people, that may seem out of the ordinary.

We were having church at the airport in order to send my Dad off to Sudan for six weeks.  We prayed, and everyone’s hands were anointed as intercessors for Africa.  It was pretty awesome.  A few months ago, I was asking you for prayers as Dad underwent surgery to reconstruct the bones in his neck.  You can see Phil in the pictures with the red hat, and a fully functioning neck.  So thank you for your prayers.

So our church founded Save Africa.  It’s our catchy name for our missions group.  The crusade we’ve planned will tell people about Jesus, revive and mentor local churches, and find a place to build a school.

Yet, we found out on our first mission to Sudan five years ago, that the cost for us to bring one man, woman or child the message of Jesus was just $2.00.  And we didn’t even know what we were doing.  We were complete amateurs.

You might have noticed that there aren’t too many people in our group.  That really is just about all of us.  We don’t even have a denomination with deep pockets.  Yet, we own this entire mission.  It turns out, when a church’s priorities aren’t buying things for themselves or advertising themselves on crummy billboards, God sometimes lets them do something special.