Ten Years Gone, and Ten New Year’s Predictions

December 30, 2009
Wow. Remember that whole Y2K thing? That was ten years ago!  Back then, we were all being mesmerized by a tiny dancing baby cartoon on the internet.  Man, that was annoying.  Good thing someone invented YouTube…
New Year’s is always great for reflecting on the past, and dreaming about the future, which will look like The Jetsons.  It’s always crazy to realize a whole year has passed…or a whole decade.  Kind of makes me wonder what I accomplished.
Let’s see…

Ten years ago, I dated my first high school girlfriend.  I graduated and went to a Christian college where no one drank beer, then to a state college where everyone drank beer.  Then I went to a Baptist seminary where no one drank beer.  I met, dated, and married my wife, and thankfully, we did not live on the seminary campus.  I got enough of “Baptist life” in class.  I was a youth pastor and watched my church have a crisis and fall apart.  Despite this, perhaps out of sheer self loathing, I continued to pursue the ministry.  We started a house church.  When I gave up my church pay, I had to swallow my pride and get my stupid high school job back at the grocery store.  That was fun, working with high schoolers, getting paid like a high schooler.

Then, just as the end writing countless seminary papers was in sight, I decide I should start a blog, for some reason.  And that’s how I spend this year.  I also started pursuing teaching as my ‘bi-vocational’ career.

And that’s about it.

So by now, my 20s are running short, and there are some things I would’ve hoped to achieve by now…like having a profitable career.  Is it sad that I’m looking forward to making a teacher’s salary?  Don’t answer that.

I’m kind of hoping the next couple of years are really amazing so I’ll have something to talk about at the class reunion.

Okay, so the last ten years have been pretty good. But I’m still hoping the next ten years are better. 

Since I just looked back, it seems right to go ahead and look ahead too.  I’ve got some predictions for the next several years:

November 2010:  A new product is unveiled in time for holidays which makes your 2009 Christmas present look like a piece of crap that you are embarassed to own.

2011: Science solves all of our problems.  Everyone praises Almighty Science.

2012:  Science runs amok.  Everyone curses science.  Pat Robertson takes this opportunity to say, “Told you so.”

2013: A new device floods the market, making it even easier than ever to communicate, access information, and send pictures of your girlfriend’s naughty bits to everyone.
2014:  Finding secular culture too offensive, Christians take whatever is popular at the time and invent some generic, useless, Jesus-ified knock-off.  This allows them to never interact with non-Christians and in no way makes them look like idiots to everyone.

2028:  There’s a nuclear war. And because of all the radiation, cats develope the ability to shoot lasers out of their mouths. Some will use the cats for good, others for evil.

2029:  The last man to believe that Elvis is alive has to come to terms with the fact that at this point in time, it is very very unlikely.

2031:  Oprah’s brain is removed from her dying body and placed in a cybernetic robot suit.  Oprah continues to rule women for a thousand years.

2067:  For some reason, Paris Hilton is still famous, and no one knows why.  Her skanky behavior is even less appealing when she’s old and wrinkly, yet people are powerless to avert their eyes.

Sunday, April 8, 2649: Jesus returns. Mark my words, everyone. For those of you left behind, make sure your DVR is set.

How would you sum up your last ten years?  What do you hope to achieve in the next year…or ten?  What are your predictions for the coming years?