Holy Christian Corn Flakes!

March 23, 2009

People love to say that God is everywhere, in the little things.

Ancient and tribal people used to look for God in nature: rocks, trees, animals.

In the Bible, God appeared to people as a burning bush, as a column of fire or smoke, or a mysterious visitor.

Now, we look for God in our food.

In the last several years, we’ve had a virtual renassaince of sightings of Jesus, along with UFOs and Elvis (which I also classify as religious visions.) It started when that woman saw Jesus in a tortilla. Then Christ started making all kinds of appearances: in rocks, tree bark, cereal, puddles, candy. I know we’ve all heard these stories, but I compiled a few photos of my personal favorites. It’s Jesus in toast, a fish stick, and a mildew stain on a shower wall. I guess cleanliness isn’t next to godliness after all. Either that, or Jesus was showing up that guy’s apartment to tell him to clean up his man-cave for crying out loud.

Now maybe Jesus showing up on someone’s toast is pretty weird. But it still seems better than the miracles the Hindus get. One of their gods inhabits a statue of a cow or elephant. What does a deity do when it visits its worshippers in a statue? What wisdom or blessing does it bring? It drinks spoonfuls of milk. What kind of benevolent diety shows up to an impoverished country and then eats the peoples’ food?

After I googled ‘Jesus sightings’ I also did some research, and found that sightings of Satan were much less prevalent. While the Son of God is busy constantly showing up in toast, fish sticks and ravioli, it seems Satan doesn’t even bother to get off his duff to appear in one lousy danish. Doesn’t seem people are watching out much for him anyway. If he’s not going to make the effort, people just aren’t going to take him seriously. But if Jesus can show up in corn flakes, I’d definately be on the lookout for Satan when I pour my Count Chocula.

A God that shows up in my filet-o-fish is the only kind of God I can take seriously.

I guess it makes sense for Jesus to show up in food. People used to excuse themselves from church, saying that they could worship while doing other things – recreational activities. They saw God while fishing on the lake. Since Jesus can’t get most of us onto the golf green on Sundays anymore, he’s got to settle for showing up in a Manwich.

As I saw all the various sightings of Christ that the faithful the world over had been witness to, I got a little jealous. Why hadn’t God appeared to me? It didn’t have to be anything special. Just a waffle or something.

That’s when I had my very own vision.

From this photograph, you can clearly see the two eyes and mouth, complete with a halo encircling the face. It is undeniably Christ, albeit a bit more aghast and less serene looking than in his toastly appearances. But I was a bit aghast too. The Son of God, staring right at me, literally waiting for me to unleash his awesome power! I’ve since surrounded the holy image with candles I purchased from my local ethnic grocery store.

What do you think? Are you a believer? Does God really visit people in ordinary objects? Is it the same phenomenon of people needing God and finding him in everyday life, like tribals worshipping rocks?