Jesus Would Be an Iron Chef

November 24, 2008
I just read a great little blog entry comtemplating Jesus’ getting tired. At a particular point in his ministry, he’s making a journey of about 70 miles. At times during that trek, the Bible notes that he had to sit and rest. How weird would it be, for the guy who holds the universe in his hand as dust, who carved all the earth’s features, to be tired from a few miles of walking. That’s got to be a bummer. 70 miles is an inch on a typical map. The Son of God – tired from walking an inch!

Is Jesus thinking about that picturesque sunset, or how bad his arches wouldn’t be hurting if he had some New Balances?

This got me to thinking about other aspects of Jesus’ humanity.

Obviously, Jesus knew what good wine should taste like. He was a connoisseur. And he would know how to spell connoisseur. I’ve got to think he was also a killer ‘Iron Chef.’ So maybe Mary or Martha is struggling in the kitchen, or they just serve some completely sub-par mac n’ cheese and he just comes in and says, ‘Ladies, step aside.’ Then he throws down like Bobby Flay.

I think getting sick would be a real downer for the Son of God. But maybe he was all into natural or herbal remedies. Did Jesus instinctively know what would make himself feel better when he got the sniffles?

If Jesus were around today, I wonder if he’d be one of those guys who can call the end of a movie ten minutes after the opening credits, and insists on doing so.

At the very least, Jesus’ blog would be more interesting than the average. Rather than the typical “I ate a sandwich today, but it wasn’t very good. Then I took a nap,” we’d be treated to, “Today’s ‘Dinner Impossible,’ as I like to call it, was to feed 5,000 men plus women and children with a few lousy biscuits and a couple of sardines. Guess what? Bobby Flay has nothing on me. He can come ‘throw down’ whenever he wants, cause I’m ready for that little boy!”

That’s right, I just referenced three Food Network shows to describe Jesus’ life.