The Curse of Church AV

October 29, 2008

Plenty of churches have made the technology leap into the 21st century. Wireless lapel or ear mics, screens and hi-def projectors make worship a ‘multi-sensory’ event.

That being said, I think satan reserves a special curse for church AV equipment. He either wants to frustrate churches who have made the tech leap, or discourage churches that are attempting to make such a leap.

At the last church I was at, we made the tech leap with a projector and modern sound system. It wasn’t the most advanced, but it got the job done. I was pretty much the only person who knew how everything worked. Only a couple other people knew how to turn it on and off. That was all that was necessary.

So you can imagine my surprise upon returning to church after a one week vacation. I am gone one week. What happens? The sound system inexplicably is much too quiet. We’re not talking about the volume being turned down too low. I rearranged every cable and speaker to try to find the culprit. This problem persisted until I left that church, shortly after movie night was destroyed for the lack of sound. I will never know what happened during that week, but can only believe it was the result of a supernatural hex, just to spite me for having one lousy week of fun in my life.

Any time I want to do something special or out of the ordinary, no matter how many times I test it, I can be assured satan will make me look like an idiot, and some old blue-haired lady will be cackling to herself something about “I told that know-it-all preacher that satan-screen was a curse on him!” Just the other week, I wanted to show a short video. I did admit to the people that I had ‘stolen’ it from another church. It would run off a laptop through a television. I had all the necessary software, and tested it several times. Perfect. What happens when it’s go time? It runs perfectly for about 1/3 of the film. Then the computer starts choking. The video studders and is reduced to a slide show with no sound. The computer chokes so badly, it will not even stop the video so it can be restarted. Serves me right.

One visitor blurted out that it was because I had stolen the video. Classic.

Maybe your church needs a new ministry – a prayer team who’s sole domain is the church technology to keep the minions of satan at bay.

“Satan. We know that our crusade for audio-visual worship is a righteous one. The Lord is on our side, and that is why you attack us. You incite others to mock our poorly executed, under-funded video worship. You try to discourage us and make us turn back from our endeavors to enhance our music with sunsets and waterfalls. We bind you, Satan, and all your minions from terrorizing our AV equipment and frustrating our plans to use Nooma DVDs while the pastor is away. In the name of Jesus, Amen.”