October 24, 2008

It isn’t too often that a Christian has many options for movies or video games produced by Christians. For as popular as these two mediums have become in communicating stories and providing entertainment, people of faith have largely remained absent from these creative fields.
When a Christian film or game comes along, sadly it is usually pretty lacking. Perhaps for lack of experience, or an attempt at shoehorning the Bible into any story, lack of funding, or just ineptitude, most Christian alternatives to heathan entertainment are rather lame. Some may remember The Simpson’s neighbor boys playing their video game, Billy Graham’s Bible Blaster. (You can play it here, just click on F-H, then Todd Flanders. Sadly, it pretty accuratley captures the spirit of most faith inspired entertainment.

I think that its a shame that Christian entertainment lags behind its hell-bound counterparts. After all, the Bible has plenty of source material to draw from that would convince any teenage male to put down Halo.

While Christian parents (and any responsible parents, for that matter) do their best to protect their children from depictions of violence, the Bible has lots of blood and gore which is perfectly acceptable. Mostly, it comes from the Old Testament, before everyone became Christians, making for great entertainment potential. This is one of those ideas I’ve had for a long time. Like corn-dog pizza (patent-pending), which I’ll save for another post. I give you:

Bible Mortal Kombat

Mortal Kombat first hit arcades in the early nineties and shocked parents and media with its over-the-top violence and ‘realistic’ graphics. Characters all had special ways in which to dispose of a felled opponent. The franchise continues today, albeit with less media fanfare. Yes, it probably corrupted an entire generation of boys and turned them all into deviants. But suppose this black mark on our culture could be redeemed for some good.

Imagine the possible fighters in a Bible based version of the game:

Moses could summon plagues – Ex 7-11

Elijah could call down fire – 1 Ki 18

The Angel of the Lord could dislocate his opponent’s hip – Gen 32:25

Jael could ram a tent peg through her opponent’s head – Jdg 4:21

David could take down his opponent with a slingshot 1 Sa 17:50

Elisha could release the bears – 2 Ki 2:23

And Shamgar could…do something with an oxgoad Jdg 3:31

Moses prepares to finish David with a plague of fiery hail. It was a close fight.

See? Perfectly acceptable levels of brutal violence, right in the Bible, ready to provide entertainment and education to the blood-thirsty youths of today. Imagine spending an afternoon with your buddy, a corn-dog pizza, and this game. Best. Bible study. Ever.