Get a Real Testimony

October 22, 2008

I was a normal suburban kid-turned homeless gypsy knife-fighter on meth.

And then I found Jesus.

(cue swooning)

Seriously, if you want people to look up to you, get a real testimony. A real manly, sinner’s testimony. The worse the stuff was you did before you found Jesus, the greater you’ll be. People will want to hear you speak at their church. What’s even better, people will wish their testimony was way better.

I wonder how many people, having heard an awesome testimony, decided to ‘backslide’ for a year or two, just to pump up their resume. They live in a box for a year, do some hash, kick some animals, just general evil stuff. Then they ‘rededicate’ their lives to Jesus.

Woah, look out! Look at what Jesus did for that guy! He was a homeless drug-addict who spent his days giving raccoons roundhouse kicks to their faces! Sweet! And now what? He’s started a ministry for homeless-drug-addicted-animal-kickers-who-want-a-fresh-start-at-life-and-find-Jesus?

The only recovery ministry I could start would be the support group for pastor’s-kids-who-got-saved-at-age-eight-and-pulled-some-mildly-entertaining-stunts-and-drank-a-modest-amount-of-beer-during-college-and-are-pretty-comfortable-with-themselves-and-don’t-really-need-a-support-group. I’d call it PKWGSAAEAPSMESADAMAOBDCAAPCWTADRNASG for short.

*Update* It has come to my attention, that this guy has covered this subject, and done a much better job at it. I assumed that would happen. I just point it out to prove myself right. I win!