A Year of Valentine's Days

Commence government sanctioned expressions of love for your life partners.  T-minus six days.

I think the last time I really enjoyed Valentine's Day was in grade school, when I exchanged mandatory cards with the other children in my classroom and ate candy.  Those were the days.

Later, I started to dislike Valentine's Day because in high school, no one was forced to give me a card.  Also, while a bunch of high school tool factories with frosted hair were recklessly spending their minimum wages on their girlfriends, it reminded me that I had no girlfriend on which to splurge fifteen dollars.

Then I got a girlfriend, and finally got to experience the real "magic" of Valentine's Day: silently wondering how a girl could honestly be so entertained by flowers or a stuffed animal.  Seriously, flowers don't do anything.  Please ladies, tell me what it is you love about having dead plants in your house?

Westerners aren't the only ones with some sort of Valentine's Day.  A few years ago, Russia had a national "procreation" day.  Didn't have quite the same ring to it as Valentine's Day.  I think they got the idea from "1984."  Some people are really into Valentine's Day.  I sometimes try to point out the absurdity of a national "love" holiday, but they always counter with some mush about how for people in love, "every day should be Valentine's Day."

Well maybe you're right.  Every day should be full of romance and love.  So I'll be blogging for a couple of weeks on a bunch of embarassingly lovey-dovey topics that will make everyone want to throw up, and I'm kicking it off right here.  I'm going to help you with a handy checklist to keep your Valentine's Day (and your whole year of romance) aflame.

Four Steps to a Year of Valentine's Days

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Who Has Better Better PR: Jesus or Beer?

This Sunday, millions of Americans will gather together to eat junk food, watch a football game, and hope to see some really good commercials.

And the rest of the world still won't care, because it isn't soccer.

I'll be pulling for the Saints this weekend, if only because I like underdogs.  Maybe that's kind of spiteful of me.  Peyton Manning has done nothing to me personally.  But he's a really successful quarterback and an all around nice guy with a charming personality, so I'm hoping his team loses. 

I'll be watching the game with other casual football observers.  I've noticed there are two types of Americans.  There are hardcore superfans whose lives, families, jobs, wardrobes, finances, and personalities revolve around being really good at watching football...and then there's everyone else.  It is impossible to mix the two together.  Casual observers are not welcome among the ranks of Superfans.  And Superfans quickly find they have a hard time holding a place in the conversation with people who read books and speak at normal decibel levels.

Some churches like to show the game, but they have a weird relationship with it ever since every American was scarred for life by brief partial nudity.  Since then, the producers have been a lot more cautious about what the halftime show will contain.  To ensure the safety of virgin eyes who were watching Superbowl XL, we were treated to Mick Jagger's soggy upper-arms flapping in the wind.  I ask you: is that any less frightening to young children?

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My Bible is Riddled with Mistakes!

Is your Bible full of holes?

Of all the questions I recieved last week for my answer bag, there was one question I couldn't answer, simply because it would take more than six words to do so.  So I'm answering it now.

The question was: how do I deal with the so called "inconsistencies" in the Bible?

I sweep them under the rug and preach about feel-good Bible fables with lofty morals that make people want to "sort of" raise their hands during the final song, put more money in the offering, and not ask questions, that's how.

Okay not really.  But in general, people don't ask enough questions like these.  They think the only way to be a Christian is to have "child like faith" and not ask questions.  You won't break your Bible by asking it questions, even tough questions.

When it comes to people confronting me about "mistakes," "errors," or "contradictions" in the Bible, my first response to them is:

"Where?"

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What if You Weren't Welcome in Church?

You probably go a really loving, welcoming, friendly church.

Churches typically like to say they're "friendly" as a selling point.  They might even put on their sign "Come as you are."  It's supposed to mean that church is a safe place for everyone.  Anyone can find acceptance and belonging in church.

But you and I both know that's baloney.

Not just anyone can find love and acceptance in any church.  I've heard stories from personal friends who've felt unwelcome at church.  I just read a story of a male prostitute who was run out of church by the other men.  Ghandi was run out of church.  Not everyone we invite to church can be John Mayer, or someone who would totally amp up the awesome factor of our church.  Sure, we want everyone to go to church.  There's just some people a lot of Christians would rather see go to someone else's church.

If we're being honest, part of us likes our churches the way they are, and doesn't want anyone messing them up.  We've seen people we know we should "witness" to.  But then a little voice tells us that maybe our church isn't the church God wants them to join.  Maybe they'd be more comfortable with other people.  I've talked to pastors who've been brave enough to be honest and admit that little voice exists.

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Blogger Interview: Me!

Too much information...

Last Wednesday, a record number of comments rolled in with some great questions for me to answer (as well as some...interesting personal confessions.)  Now I've got your answer bag here.  I mixed up all your questions by topic to make it more concise for everyone, so everyone's got a shout-out to their questions somewhere in here.  I just want to say thank you for making blogging so fun for me by sharing with me and letting me share with you.  And we're off...

First of all, I will soon be 27.  My blog photo is pretty current, though my hair is shorter than normal.  I am married.  I met my wife in a church I was visiting with college friends.

On Physical Coordination:
I cannot surf...or do any water sports, really...or for that matter, land sports.  I'm pretty uncoordinated.  I make up for this by being "outdoorsy."  My wife and I love to camp.  We canoed through 40 miles of wilderness a couple of years ago.  I don't care about my lack of athletic ability, as I doubt climbing a rope would enhance my life in any way.  If I could pick a skill which I cannot do, I'd like to play the piano.  Seems like a neat party trick.

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Who Are You?

Who are you?

I don't mean that in some preachy, philosophical, profound blogger type of way.  I really just want to know who are you.

It's been almost a year since I played this little game with the readers, and I think there may be a few more of you this time.  What makes blogging so fun is connecting with other people, and this is one of those little ways to do that.  If you're a new reader, this is your chance to introduce yourself to everyone.  If you're a longtime reader, maybe this is your day to un-lurk and make a comment (or email me if you're a subscriber.)

Here's what I want to know.  It's really easy.

1.)  Your name, and what state (or country) you live in.
For example, I'm Matt, and I live in Missouri.  Your comment could be just two words.

2.)  If you want to go for bonus points, ask me any question you want to know of me.  I'll spend Friday's post on my answers to you.  But you have to answer the question yourself too!  I had some really creative questions come at me last time which revealed that I regularly serenade my wife with the Golden Girls theme song, and a movie was made about me being a Super Mario Bros. 3 champ.

3.)  For bonus, bonus points, you can play "never have I ever."  That's where you name something you've never done, in hopes that I'll have to admit my guilt on Friday's post.  For example, you might say, "Never have I ever suddenly realized I know the lyrics to Miley Cyrus' "Party in the USA" to my great chagrin and puzzlement."  You know, stuff like that.  Except, don't really ask that, because it was just an example.  Really, don't.

Take your pick, one or all of them.  Who are you?