What’s up, everyone? It seems like everyone is just kind of puttering toward the finish line, trying to get to Thanksgiving break, trying to tie up loose ends while we run on fumes…at least that’s me! It is seasons like this, when I am busiest and time is shortest that I am most thankful for good things to read and watch.

This is what fueled me this week.

In My Netflix QueueAlive-Inside-Film-Poster-2014

Last weekend, Cheri and I watched an unusual amount of stuff, including going to the theater to see Bird Man (incredible). But we also stumbled across this documentary, Alive Inside about the effect that music has on elderly people with alzheimer’s or memory loss. Beautiful and provocative and I am not exaggerating when I say that it brought me to tears more than once. And when I showed it to my pregnant Cheri, forget it.

In My Blog Reader

Plenty of good stuff in my blog reader this week, all of it from the ladies. The guys must already be on vacation or something.

Just this morning, Addie Zierman posted a heart-rending story about a friend and family man who is experiencing a season of suffering that we all pray we never experience.

In time for the Thanksgiving holiday, Emily Wierenga discusses what our kids need to know about third-world gratitude (hint: being around third world kids reveals the hearts of our own children by comparison, and probably our own.)

Jamie the VWM talks about her distaste for short term missions and why $30,000 might not be such a terrible waste of money.

Micha Boyett shares the pain of miscarriage, a grief that many couples will be experiencing all over again this holiday season.

And Holley Gerth talks about what introverts like me can offer this holiday season, outside of awkward and painful small talk about the local weather.

That’s it from me! I will see you next week.

I have a confession to make.worship_by_knilvrie

I have spent my life in church. A preacher’s kid, then a seminary grad. Now, after seven years of house church ministry, my wife and I are embarking on a new chapter. We don’t even know what the chapter is. There is no invitation to another church, no greener pasture that we are making a break for. We have done this thing longer than the average pastor stays at a full time church ministry.

What we do know is that making a transition, finding a new place is going to be hard. We both feel like we have some odd angles, some characteristics that make it challenging for us to settle into a new place. She is a raving introvert, while I am an introvert who can act like an extrovert…sort of.

And what we find to be the case is that church is a decidedly extroverted place. A bunch of extroverts usually stand up front. By and large, modern worship, church life and leadership values extrovertism over characteristics, such as contemplativeness.

And so, as we prepare to embark on a transition we are both kind of dreading, it makes me think of all of the churches I have visited, all of the places I have worshiped (or at least tried to worship.) It makes me think of all the reasons that two pretty introverted people have kind of a tough time with church, even though we love it.

Continue Reading…

I love doing creative things.

I had a phase where I painted landscapes nonstop. Today, I’m getting pretty serious on the throwing wheel. And I still love to write.

But I’ll tell you what feeds me just as much as my creative projects…

Investing in other peoples’ creative projects.

That’s why I love to be a teacher. I love investing myself in the students. I love pouring into them. Of course, they are a captive audience, but they do not have to take my advice. There is no doubt that pouring into kids has sharpened my own skills.

It’s funny how that works. We know that we are finite creatures with finite time, finite energy, finite resources. We might be tempted to hoard ourselves, protect our time, save our energy for ourselves. We might think that if we save it all for ourselves that our own work will be better.

But I have found that is hardly ever the case. I do not think any creative person can get better without pouring a little into others. I do not think any person of faith can grow their faith without pouring a little into others.

The great truth is that you are a renewable resource. You may be depleted at the end of a day. But you regenerate. And the more you pour yourself into other people, the bigger return you get. It’s amazing! Pour more out, get more back.

Charles Spurgeon knew this. He wasn’t an advocate for keeping you to yourself.


What if we dropped what we were doing today?

What if we dropped all of our projects and paid attention to what someone else was doing? Just to pour into them, just to encourage them, just to take joy in what they were doing, without any kind of jealousy or self-awareness or comparison?

It might do us some good.


It’s hard to believe that Plus or Minus is just a couple of months away, but it’s true. And while there has been a flurry of activity here in the PlusOrMinus_Revisions1_June9background, I’m really most excited about what is going on up front.

New Faces

It is amazing how something that used to isolate us now connects us with people. I’ve been so enthralled by all of the new connections, all of the people who are eager to share their stories, even if they happened twenty years ago!

New Stories

It also amazes me every time I connect with someone new, how much other people have suffered in order to have children. Believe me, Cheri and I did not write this book because we thought we had it the worst. Far from it. But it is a testament to the human spirit how much people are willing to endure for children who do not yet exist.

New Events

We have also got two pre-release events that are really exciting and those of you in the Kansas City area should definitely come out. First, in a couple of weeks, Saturday December 6, I’ll be here for a local author book fair. I’ll be talking about the writing and publishing process, not to mention giving away Plus or Minus.

Next, we have nailed down a launch event for Plus or Minus in the heart of the city. We are calling it Stories of Redemption and I just cannot wait to see how it will bring people together and give them hope and encouragement. In the end, our redemption does not come from having children, but somewhere else entirely.

That is what is fueling me this week! See you on the other side.

Trigger Warning: This post references topics such as sexual abuse.not_that_kind_of_girl_by_lena_dunham_WEB

Well, we are not exactly Lena Dunham. That would be weird.

A lot has been made of the revelations from Girls star Lena Dunham’s memoir. What may have been intended as a collection of awkward stories from her formative years has now cranked the internet controversy up to eleven. If you have not read the excerpts in question, just google them. The long and short of it is that Dunham, in her own words, compares herself to a child predator as she retells incidents of…erm…close contact with her little sister.

Dozens of writers and commentators have quoted Dunham’s words verbatim, letting her own stories speak for themselves. Thousands of people have tweeted and blogged, often their disgust to Dunham. Dunham has fired back by “rage spiraling” on Twitter and siccing her lawyers on people, threatening defamation lawsuits.

The whole time I took this in, I realized something.

There are a lot of people who consider Dunham’s stories icky at best and predatory at worst. There are some who cannot understand why she would share such things.

But if any of us were in Lena Dunham’s shoes, I think we would have done the same thing. We are not so different from her.

Here’s what I mean.

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We all deal a lot with words.

I thought I had written a lot of words in high school. But then I graduated and went to college, and then to seminary. Seminary was very writing heavy. I thought I had exhausted my energy for words. But then I graduated and started writing a blog, just for fun.

Then I wrote a book, Life After Art, which added up to 35,000 words. I probably wrote another 35,000 words in promotional materials.

And now I’m working on getting Plus or Minus to press. At about 55,000 words, it’s the most intensive collection of words I have ever shared.

I asked one of my high school seniors about their thesis papers, the pinnacle of their high school career. The word count on those is roughly 7,000 words. And to them, that seems insurmountable.

With Plus or Minus, I had to write and then discard 25,000 words. Equal to two-thirds of my first book, had to end up on the cutting room floor. And it has been painful. This weekend has been by far the biggest single cut, perhaps 10,000 words. I loved them all and put my heart into them.

It’s funny how when you are in high school, 7,000 seems like a big number. They spend all year crafting those words. But as I have grown as a person and a writer, I have stopped placing so much value on the number of my words as the worth of my words. We share careless little words all the time. We tweet and post little sentences that float to other peoples’ screen and then disappear. But how many of our words are truly important? How many of them are worthy?

I had to write 75,000 words in order to find 55,000 that I could keep.

In all creative pursuits, we cannot be married to everything we make. We cannot insist that everything we write be read. We have to hold our words lightly. We have to let some fall to the floor.


We do this so that the words we share will be truly worthy of being heard.